Benefit of the Doubt
by 2degreesabovefreezing
Summary: Bakugo, an eternally angry teenager from a lower-income family starts his sophomore year of high school at a new private school. His late arrival, pessimistic attitude, and lack of status make it clear that he doesn't fit in there. Only classmate Midoriya gives Bakugo the benefit of the doubt and tries to befriend him. As they come to realize, they have more than a friendship.
1. New Kid

_New Kid_ … fuck, I hate being the new kid. I've done it like a billion times now but I can't get used to it. My sophomore year in high school has taken place in three different schools already. But hey, third time's the charm, right?

Fuck all, I knew it was going to be a shit fest just like the others. I walked to school in my no-hole shoes like a little tool because my mom threw out the old ones. Where new shoes going to fix everything? Was it going to be easier now? I scoffed as the class bell rang just as I entered the front office.

"You must be Mr. Bakugo." The lady at the front desk said, sounding more than a little peeved. "You know, the front door here locks at 7:40 sharp, if you were ten seconds later, you would have had to go back home. Do you want to start off a new year this way?"

I looked at the funny little woman for a moment, trying to discern if she was being serious. When her tight frown didn't cease, I couldn't help but laugh. This forty-something nobody actually cared about school attendance more than the goddamn students. She scolded me but hell, I wasn't listening. I handed over the folder of documents that I had been told to bring. She took them and started tapping away at her keyboard. "An attitude like that isn't going to make you any friends, Mr. Bakugo." She grumbled, keeping her eyes fixed on the computer screen.

I leaned against the counter, getting in close enough that she had to look up at me. "I don't want any friends the likes of these boot-licking, spoiled brats." I told her, smirking. I saw on her face the familiar reaction of intimidation and shock. This was my circus act. Go from school to school, bringing shock and awe to high schoolers all across the nation.

The woman at the front desk, anxious to be rid of me, handed me a lanyard with an ID card attached. "This is a temporary ID card, you'll have to come by tomorrow morning, at least fifteen minutes before class begins, to pick up you're official ID."

' _If I even last that long_ ,' I thought. She blabbered on about how the ID has to be worn on my person at all times. Somewhere in her lecture, I got bored and left the office, scratching the back of my neck as I went down the hall to find my class. When I entered the room, I felt eyes all over me. It was insufferable, I wanted to yell at them to all mind their own business but for once, I managed to have some restraint. It broke Dad's heart last time I was expelled… I wanted to at least _try_ to do a little better, I guess.

The teacher, some pleated-suit tool, politely made excuses for me. "Oh, you must be out new transfer, Katsuki Bakugo, right? The office tends to run slow but don't worry, you haven't missed anything yet. I was just taking role. Would you like to introduce yourself?" He said. I couldn't stand guys like that, _so fake_. Why was he making up stories for me when it was obvious that I just couldn't give two shits about showing up on time for his class?

I looked out into the sea of hungry eyes. Dammit, I hated this part. "Hey." I said. Compared to my normal self, I would say this was pretty good behavior. Still, the hungry eyes kept trying to dissect me. I looked around at their stupid faces. Some just stared at me with bored, placid frowns but I much preferred that to the fake, prepared smiles that I received from others. One face, however, was a little different. Some green-haired weirdo right in the front _actually_ smiled at me. Not some practiced raising of the cheeks, this dumb shit looked like he was goddamn excited to see me, as if he knew me. It was so convincing actually that I had to wonder if I knew him but I was sure that I didn't. To be honest, it pissed me off a little. This kid was the tooliest tool in the shed, the kind that actually believed the charade.

The teacher had probably heard from my last school about me so he sat me right in the front to keep an eye on me. This also happened to next to Mr. Smiling-dork-face. I sat and avoided looking at him though he remained pretty interested in me. I could feel his beady little eyes gnawing into my back and when I turned my head, he was in my peripherals. I was trying to behave myself but dammit, this little brat was just too annoying! "Hey, mind your own business, would you?" I snarled lowly, hoping the teacher wouldn't hear and make a fuss.

The green-eyed boy seemed a little surprised. He sat back in his chair and looked down at his desk. This was a kid with some sense, he knew how to back the fuck off. The lecture began- I don't even remember what it was about. Of course, Mr. Teacherman had to find something to complain about. "Mr. Bakugo, you just started so don't worry about this but, could you please pull out some paper and a pen for notes like your classmates?"

I sat back with my arms crossed. "I'll just remember it." I said. The truth was, I hadn't brought a notebook with me but I wasn't about to announce that to these Richie-riches. They'd probably all feel bad for poor ol' me (even though I'm plenty capable of buying a notebook) and then all those martyrs would make me into some sort of charity case.

Teacher was not fooled. "Midoriya, would you lend Mr. Bakugo a few pages of paper just for today?" He asked. The green-haired boy, of course, complied without protest. That image burned into my memory, the naïve little sucker tearing out paper and handing it to me with wide, curious, and easy to manipulate eyes. _Fuck_. I grabbed the paper in my fist, wrinkling it to the point of being unusable. I watched as that stupid, innocent, expression fell to one of confusion and offense. ' _That's it. Wake up, kid. That teacher guy is playing you. Life's not peaches and cream, get that through your thick skull_ ,' I thought.

There were little gasps from my classmates as I put the wrinkled paper on my desk as if nothing had happened. Midoriya, the brave little bastard, slipped a pencil on my desk swiftly. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him returning his pencil case to his backpack. The little pouch was decorated in bright blue and red. " _Captain America…?"_ I muttered without thinking, a little surprised by the childish case.

Midoriya's eyes lit up. "Yeah, do you know-"

"Midoriya." The teacher interrupted. The boy shut his mouth and looked forward, a little embarrassed by being called out. Shit… now I sort of almost a tiny bit felt bad for getting him in trouble. For a little boot-licker like him, getting yelled at by Teacher was like a whip to the back. I didn't want to feel bad for anyone, especially not him.

Class went on and I took notes. I hate taking notes but after hurting Dad so much and now getting Midoriya in trouble, I guess you could say I was feeling a little humbled. I hated people taking my shit for me. I managed to not make a scene for two more classes, which felt like running a marathon for me. The lectures were so boring that I wanted to smack my head against the wall and the little posers in my class just pissed me off. Lunch time came and finally, I found a familiar routine. I took my paper lunch bag and searched out a spot where people would leave me alone. I ended up wandering up to the roof.

No students, no teachers, no stupid bullshit. I felt like I could finally take a deep breath. I sat down on the concrete and pulled out my lunch: leftover mac n' cheese and two slices of whole grain bread. I guess it looked pretty shitty but food was food, I didn't care. I enjoyed the cool breezes and resounding silence, it gave me a minute to collect myself again.

' _I'm not going to fuck this up_ ,' I told myself. ' _This time I'm really going to try… for Dad's sake_.' When he told me that he was going to start working two jobs and that Mom was going to pick up extra shifts so that I could go somewhere nicer than those other schools… man, I just felt like a piece of shit for being such a burden to them.

When I returned to the classroom, everyone was still on lunch break except for that green-haired kid, who was standing at _my_ desk with the built-in drawer open and a folded paper in his hand. He froze when he saw me, his hand raised and the little white note poking out of his fist. "Ah- Bakugo-san-" He started in a nervous voice.

"What are you doing in my desk?" I growled.

"N-nothing." His eyes darted to the note and as he tried to hide it behind his back, I stepped forward and seized his hand. Those big green eyes opened wide. He tried to pull away from me but I bent his hand back mercilessly, forcing him to drop the note and I pinned his weak little soul down with a sharp glare. He gave a little yelp of pain but it fell on deaf ears as I picked up the note and opened it. He stood by, trembling slightly as I read.

 _Bakugo,_

 _No one appreciates your half-assed personality. You're not being cool, you're just bothering everyone. It's clear that you don't fit in here so why don't you just drop out before this goes any farther._

I looked up, scowling. The green-eyes met mine nervously. "You write this?" I asked in a cold, hard voice.

"N-no! No, I just…" He defended.

"You just what? Are you the messenger? You just came to deliver it for your coward friends?" I growled.

"I know how the kids in this class can be and I had a feeling they'd do something like this so, as I was saying, I just came to make sure they didn't."

"Did I ask you to be my little knight in shining armor?" I barked, throwing the crumpled note at him. He flinched as it hit the curly tufts of hair and fell to the ground. "I don't need you to protect me, Mr. Hero, so just back off! Do I look weak to you!? Is that what you think!? You thought I would open up their pathetic, snobby, threat and run home crying!? Well you're goddamn wrong! They can come at me with spears and arrows and they won't get even a flinch from me so from now on, get your nose out of my business and stop trying to be a hero!" I yelled, panting a bit.

Midoriya was silent for a few moments, obviously shaken, before slowly lifting his eyes. They were a little wet, as if he might tear up, and his eyebrows were knitted with frustration. "This note was poorly written…" He said in a low voice, picking up the note. He scanned over it with those emerald eyes. "Too many works, it muddles the point. They could have just written ' _asshole_ '." He said, taking the note and walking right past me and out of the room. I stood in complete shock.

Never, in all my life, had some one surprised me so much. I had taken this Midoriya character as a brainwashed, happy-go-lucky, idiot but maybe I was being rash. I had so many mixed emotions. Astonishment, anger, hilarity, respect, and confusion. I turned to look at the door but the boy was gone. Students began to enter the room so I sat down at my desk. Just before the bell rang, the greenette returned and sat down, blatantly ignoring me. I watched him, curious as to who this kid was. I knew he could feel my eyes on him but he still just looked forward. I scoffed with a slight smile. " _Jesus Christ_ …" I muttered.

The day continued. I couldn't be bothered to act up, I was still puzzling over the incident at lunch. Midoriya, this meek, overly-friendly, green-haired cinnamon roll had actually called _me_ an asshole _to my face_ after I went off on him. _Unbelievable_. I wanted to genuinely laugh and bury my fist in his face at the same time.

The bell dismissed everyone but me. I was ordered to stay a while to speak with the teacher, who informed me that his name was Mr. Mori. Who the fuck cares? I stood in place while he spoke at me but I didn't let any of the words penetrate my ears. When he was done, I picked up my backpack and left. As I walked down the side of the building, I heard sounds I recognized as a fight. I smirked and dropped my bag. That was exactly what I needed right then. As I cracked my neck and back, I imagined pummeling some nobody upperclassmen and blowing off some steam. Sounded like fun.

I loosened my tie as I followed the noises back to a little alcove where the dumpsters were kept. It was a good, hidden, place for a fight. My mood fell a little however when I saw that this wasn't just a good ol' beat-'em-up but a real, actual, beat-up… and that green-haired kid was the one taking all the punches.

"What, are you afraid of the trash, Izuku-kun?" One of the boys asked, pushing Midoriya against the metal dumpster with a thud. Midoriya tried to get his back off the dumpster but the bully was too close and held him there. He seemed so uncomfortable, as if the dumpster was made of scorpions. He wriggled and tried to get away from it, tears in his eyes.

"Prissy boy's too good for our lowly trash, is that it? Man, you must really think you're a god." One of the other aggressors tormented. The third boy took a tied-up plastic bag from the dumpster, left there by a maintenance man, and opened it. Dust, dirt, and little bits of garbage fell on Midoriya. The boy emitted a panicked cry.

"Stop it! Please! Hey! Leave me alone!"

"Mina said you totally flipped out when she dropped some natto on your shoe on accident. She said you ran away and you even changed your shoes. She was offended, Izuku. You know that? You can't just treat people like that over accidents."

As they tried to hoist the rabidly protesting boy into the trash, I stepped forward, a menacing aura surrounding me. Midoriya's huge, watery, desperate eyes met mine. It was true Midoriya pissed me off but not nearly as much as these guys did. "The fuck do you think you're doing?" I growled.

"Isn't that the new kid?" One of the bullies asked the other. The boss looked at me. "Hey, mind your own business or you're next, new kid." Midoriya was shaking and doing this rough, jerky, twitch thing.

I approached them without hesitation. "If you're so eager to give trash baths, why don't you take one yourself?" I snarled, shoving the boss bully threateningly. He let go of Midoriya and the boy scampered a few feet away. Not another moment passed before the fists were flying. I don't remember much. Just like joggers get a runner's high, I get a fighting high during which all I care about it dodging and punching. It's just a blur of adrenalin, pain, and excitement. I'm not sure how, but those tree boys surely enough ended up in the trash and I was colored black and blue. It felt as good as being on that rooftop, free and empowered.

I looked to where Migoriya stood, a few feet away. We looked at each other in silence for a minute before I finally spoke up. "So… yer scared of natto, then?" I asked with a smirk. He knitted his eyebrows again.

"No."

"Then why are you still standing here?"

"I can't move." He replied, his voice soft and trembling.

I walked up to him but he didn't back away from me. I got within three inches of his face yet he stood there like a stone, scared stiff. He occasionally convulsed in to sharp, little, twitches. I backed up a bit, realizing that something was actually wrong with him. My curiosity trumped my instinctual ferocity. "Are there ants in your pants? What is it?" I asked.

"The d-dirt. The dirt." He responded. I could hardly hear his response.

"What? The dirt's bothering you?" I was shocked once again by this kid. I felt like laughing because I thought he was joking but from the look in his eyes, I could tell that this was completely real for him. I brushed some of it off his hair and shoulders. "Chill out, come on. You can wash it off, y'know." I watched him but he didn't answer. He was truly petrified.

I was torn. Normally, I would have just walked away or teased him but I felt bad for this kid. It seemed like he really was looking onto the fiery eyes of death. I glanced around to make sure no one was watching before turning my back to him and squatting. "Fine. Get on."

I waited but he didn't move. "I'm not going to pick you up like a goddamn bride so just hop on or I'll leave you here with those guys. They'll be climbing out of that trash any minute now." I growled. Slow, shaking limbs wrapped around my back. I hefted him up and began walking out of the school. There were a few moments of awkward silence between us.

"Thanks." Midoriya finally said.

"I can't stand guys like them. Three against one and not even for a good reason, that's pathetic." I replied. More silence ensued. Then, I heard a small voice mumble against my back.

" _yr n n ss hole_." It said quietly.

"What are you going on about?"

"You're not an asshole." He said.

That irked me. Who did this kid think he was? Placing titles on me then retracting them as if he were God. "The fuck'd you say?" I snarled.

"You only pretend to be an asshole and I know it. I know your secret."

I ground my teeth. My usual self would throw him off my back and maybe even kick him in the side but, for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to be that Bakugo. "Shut the fuck up."

"I won't tell." He whispered.

I wanted to change the subject, this was such an utterly stupid conversation. "Where's your house?" I asked.

"Just a few blocks in this direction but…"

I sighed in obvious irritation. " _But what?"_

"But… I want to ask just one more super-duper huge favor from you…"

I was blown away by the balls on this guy. "Oh, I'm sorry, Princess! Is a free ride not enough to satisfy your majesty?" I retorted. His embarrassed silence made me regret my harshness a little. "What is it?" I asked.

"Can I… shower at your place?"

"What? What the hell kind of a request is that!? Are you nuts? Did the dust get in your ears and fry your brain?"

"Don't joke about that." He complained, his twitch worsening at the thought. "I told my mom that the bullying had stopped after her talk with Mr. Mori… she really hates it, it makes her worry a lot. I hate making her so upset." Midoriya admitted.

His sentiments resonated with me. I had worried my folks every day of my life. Maybe that similarity was why I treated Midoriya so differently. "Fine… But you have to be quick and if you ever open your mouth about this to anyone else, I'll throw you back in the trash myself."

I could feel him smiling. "Your secret is safe with me."

For a brief second, I felt the tiniest inclination to raise to corners of my mouth too but I immediately squashed that feeling.

I brought the 90-pound sack of cry-baby back to my apartment with me. Both my parents were at work. If they were home, I never would have agreed to this. They'd make a big deal about it and pester me. I set him down at the front of the door while I dug out my keys. "You can walk on your own now, yeah?" I asked, a little bit of irritation in my voice. I didn't want him getting too chummy.

He nodded and just watched my actions, still twitching. I let him in and showed him to the bathroom. My family was lower middle class, not poor. We still had a TV and electricity and everything, we just had to be a little more conservative with how we used them. Midoriya stood in the bathroom, looking at me with an expression that was hard to read. Gratefulness? Confusion? Admiration? I dunno, but I didn't like it. "Thank-" He began in a gentle voice, interrupted by me closing the bathroom door and rolling my eyes. I sat in the living room and played on my phone. The shower turned on and about fifteen minutes later, it went off. The door creaked open just an inch, causing me to raise my eyes in its direction. "Bakugo?" A hesitant voice asked.

"Are you done yet?" I grumbled.

"I don't have any spare clothes." He replied.

 _Shit_ … shit shitty shit. I knew being nice to this kid was just a downhill slope to more and more favors. I didn't really have an option but to fetch him something from my room. ' _Why am I lending this kid my clothes? How did it get to this? This is too much friendliness, I don't even like him. I should just kick him out butt-naked, my niceness can only go so far,'_ I thought as I retrieved a t-shirt and a pair of shorts. I couldn't bring myself to do that. I just wanted him gone now, for the favors to end.

I handed the clothes to the pale hand that protruded from the cracked door, intentionally turning my head away.

"I'll get them back to you tomorrow." He said through the door.

"Fine-" I relented before a realization hit me. "Hey, don't pull them out in the middle of class and make a whole scene! We're not buddy-buddy, okay?"

"Okay, I can return them at lunch, right?"

"Fine. Lunch is fine."

"Where do you eat your lunch?"

"Roof." I replied before realizing that I had given away the location of my private haven. I scowled as the door opened.

"Don't worry, I won't bother you up there." He said as if he could read my mind. I tisked and turned my head away. How did this kid know what I was thinking? "Could I have a plastic bag for my uniform?" he asked.

I couldn't believe the balls on this kid. He had no qualms about asking for favor after favor after favor. I got a shopping bag from the kitchen and shoved it into his hand with obvious irritation. To annoy me even more, he squatted down in front of the uniform as if he intended to pick it up but just ended up staring at it. I snatched the bag from his hands with a growl, packed the uniform in roughly, and put it in his arms. "Time to go home." I demanded. He nodded and left, only putting his feet half way into his sneakers.

"Thanks again, Katsuki." He said a moment before the door slammed. My blood boiled. ' _Who does he think he is!? Using my first name like that!? That ballsy little shit! Does he not respect or at least fear me!?'_

I was seething as I paced around the apartment. I couldn't focus, I was so confused and enraged over Midoriya. When my mom got home in the evening, she wanted to know all about my day.

"Was your teacher nice?" She asked. "Did the kids treat you well? What about the course work, do you think you can manage it? We could find you a tutor-"

"Mom, I don't need a tutor. It seems fine, okay?" I responded, annoyed.

"Did the shoes fit well?" She asked, setting down a paper bag of fast-food. We ate this kind of food often because it was cheap and quick.

"Yeah." I said.

"I got an email from your school saying that they sent you home with paperwork from the nurse's office. Let's fill it out now before I forget."

I looked around for my backpack before remembering that I had taken it off before the fight and left school without it. I cursed myself internally. "I already filled it out." I lied, keeping my voice casual. I didn't want her to be worried about me getting in trouble… or disappointed by the reality that I was already screwing this up.

"Really? Well, that's very proactive of you, Kaachan, I'm proud of you." She said. Those words should have felt so satisfying but instead, they felt like stones in my stomach. I was going to miss the first homework assignments too. No matter how hard I tried, I always ended up a screw up.

We ate dinner and I lied to my mom again, saying I had already done my homework. I told her I was going to go to school early the next day to get tutored by my teacher on the lessons I'd missed by starting the semester late. The truth was that I was going to try to get my homework done before class. She was so happy with my lies… it made me nauseous. She and Dad were working so hard for me. They always came home tired and even though I told them not to send me to a fancy private school, the did it anyways to try to set me straight. All of it was for me and yet, I always screwed up.

I went to bed early and left for school before either of my parents had woken up. Thankfully, my backpack was still in the bushes. I took it up to the classroom so I would have a quiet place to work but, much to my dismay, the classroom wasn't empty. Far from it, in fact. As soon as I walked in the door, those all-too-familiar emerald eyes looked to me with curiosity. "Katsuki?" Midoriya asked, surprised.

He stood up on a stool with a wet paper towel, washing the white boards. ' _Why is he here so early?'_ I wondered. ' _Why do I keep running into him? Is heaven punishing me or is this just bad luck? Why can't I have just one break? And why does he keep calling me Katsuki!?'_

He must have noticed my shock and confusion because he was the first to explain himself. "I'm assigned room cleaning duties this week." He said. "Why are you here? Class doesn't start for an hour and a half." I turned to leave, peeved by the informal name and shocked by the coincidence. "Wait!" I heard his feet hop down from the stool to the wooden floor. For some reason unbeknownst to me, my body stopped. "Is that your backpack? You didn't have that yesterday so… did you forget it here?"

" _None of your goddamn business_." I growled, turning my head to see him in my peripherals.

"It kind of is." He rebuked in a more confident voice. There it was, his ballsy side. The side that both intrigued and infuriated me. "I saw you had it when you left the classroom but when you ca-"

"Shut up!" I barked. "Don't bring that up, you're making me regret ever doing you a favor at all."

Midoriya fed off of my energy. "You had it when you left class and you didn't have it later." His voice was stern and solid now. "So I presume that you forgot it here as a direct result of the favors you did for me. So I'm partially responsible for your unfinished homework."

I sneered. "Is that how you feel?" I unzipped my bag and pulled out the papers. "Then here," I said, thrusting them forward to the slightly surprised Midoriya. "If you're responsible for these being empty, then you should fill them up, right?"

I was sure that prissy little boot-licker would have just agreed but again, he surprised me. "I said _partially_ responsible. You should do it yourself."

I felt a little satisfied in achieving my original intention, doing the work myself, but I also had the sense that I had lost the argument. I grunted bitterly and took my homework to my chair and started working on it. Midoriya finished cleaning the board in silence before approaching my desk and reading over my work. Once I noticed, I protectively covered it with my arms. "Hey, mind your own business!" I snapped.

"If you're trying to reference Matsuo Basho's work there, that would be a good example of a haiku but you've written it incorrectly." He stated softly, not at all fazed by my aggression. "You wrote, 'even a horse arrests my eyes- on this snowy morning' but it should be 'snowy marrow'. It's an easy mistake to make."

Anger boiled in my blood as I peeked under my arms at my paper but he was right. That pissed me off even more. "I though you said I should do it on my own! Now back off!"

Again, it seemed as if my words didn't faze him as he pulled up a chair. "Let me see the rest." He said, that gentle voice returning. He lifted my arms, catching me off guard. While I was stuck in surprise, he took the paper and started reading it. I tried to snatch it back from him but he stood from his seat, moving out of my reach. "You wrote here that 'a dove is like an August bride' is a metaphor but it's actually a slimily."

"Mind your own business! I thought you weren't going to help!" I protested.

"I said I wasn't going to do it for you. I'm partially responsible for you loosing your backpack so I'll take partial responsibility for this work being done correctly. Hand me your pencil, I want to fix something." He said. I tried to snatch the paper back but, in that moment, he swiftly caught my pencil and moved out of my reach again. I followed him as he walked hastily as he read, staying out of my reach. "Oops, you spell playwright with a g" he noted and I chased behind him, trying to grab the paper. He smiled, taking this as a game of keep away.

"Dammit! Give it back! I don't _want_ your help!" I growled, trying and failing again to retrieve the paper.

"I guess I'll fill in this last one for you too since you were almost done." He said with a giggle. That little laugh was the last straw. I finally got him in a corner and pinned him, seizing the paper with a triumphant smile. I panted and looked up, noticing that his green eyes were fixed on me, full of shock and bafflement. A light rosy color ran to his cheeks. Without realizing, I had pinned his body into the corner with my own and our faces were only inches apart. His eyes held me there and for a moment, I lost control of my thoughts.

When I realized the awkward position, I abruptly turned away and went back to my seat. It took Midoriya a minute to regain himself too and he sat down. He cleared his throat. "The answers were mostly right anyways, I really didn't-"

"Shut up." I grumbled.

He didn't make another noise and we sat in silence until students started spilling into the classroom. When I opened the compartment in my desk to check for notes, I saw that there were two new notebooks waiting for an owner. I scowled at Midoriya but he kept looking forward, refusing to acknowledge me.

At lunch, I started towards the roof but paused on the stairs. ' _Maybe I shouldn't go up there… I have a feeling he thinks we're friends, I should cut things off now. But hey, what's so wrong with having friends? Then again, the way the blushed this morning… what was that about? Maybe he was just flushed from the chasing. Still, this is weird. I don't want to be friends with him, he's too-…'_ I couldn't think of a negative quality. ' _Uugh! Annoying! Too annoying! Why can't he just mind his own business and leave me alone?'_

As I thought this, I continued my climb to the roof, my body betraying my mind. The scene that met me was captured by my eyes in slow motion. The lithe teen stood near the edge of the roof, holding his lunch tray, and looking out at the city with pure comfort, as if the height didn't bother him at all. The wind made his wild olive hair dance in time with the cicada song. As I closed the door behind me, the noise drove him to turn his curious eyes toward me. They were so big and youthful. Naïve, trusting, innocent, and optimistic yet also confident and determined. I felt my heart beat rise into my throat as he offered me a soft smile.

"Katsuki, I brought it." He informed me with a sweet voice, raising the little plastic bag to show me. I'll never understand how or why that boy decided to give me the benefit of the doubt but that choice is what ultimately changed everything about my life.


	2. The Parasite

When I arrived home to the apartment, streamers sloppily decorated the entranceway and a cake waited on the table. I made it through the first month at the new school and had actually adapted a little bit. When I thought back about the last few weeks, my memories often involved the green-haired optimist. I wouldn't say we were friends but when Mr. Mori asks us to do anything in pairs, he's the only one I knew well enough to tolerate. I still didn't fully understand him, he was pretty unpredictable. That being said, most sides of his personality were easy to deal with.

As he promised, he didn't bother me on the roof again after that day when he returned the clothes I lent him. I was pretty sure I'd received more stupid threats but if I indeed did, then Midoriya got to them before me and threw them out. I still didn't know why he cared so much about that kind of stuff but I'd gotten used to it and decided to just let him do what he wanted. Overall, I'd say we were generally comfortable together. We'd reached a point of understanding where we just let each other be ourselves and that worked.

"Kaachan, we're so proud of you~" My mother said. She and my father had both come home early for the celebration. I couldn't help but smile. It felt good to be recognized for my successes.

"Keep up the good work." My dad encouraged with a big grin. I was happy… it seemed like I was actually going to do okay this time. My parents wouldn't have to worry about me and I wouldn't feel like a failure.

As we sat down to eat the cake, my dad scrolled through his emails on his phone. "Oh, Kaachan, I have something from your teacher ." He announced pleasantly. His face fell as he read the email and my heart dropped into my stomach. Fuck… I knew it. As soon as things start to go right, something has to come along to ruin it. When he looked up to me, he had fixed his smile but it didn't have the same authenticity to it. "It's not a lot to worry about, it just seems that your recent test didn't go well." I could see my mom getting fired up from the corner of my eye. Dad noticed too. "I mean, it's only one test. We- we'll get you a tutor and you'll be back on track in no time."

'Shit…' I thought. 'How much does a tutor charge? Ten dollars an hour? Fifteen? Twenty? That's too much. Shit, I'm causing so much trouble again. Fuck, I hate this.' "I don't need one!" I blurted out.

"Obviously you do." My mother retorted, her voice a little aggressive. "Look, you're getting along well at this school, let's not loose momentum here. I'm sure I can find someone, maybe a university student or someone, who'll do it a little cheaper for the experience."

My cheeks were flushing with frustration and shame. "Mom, I really don't need one! I'm serious!"

"How else are we going to correct this?" she asked. I could here on her voice that she would not be talked down.

"I-" I thought. "I'll study more. No one in the universities would know Mr. Mori's curriculum anyways, it would be useless."

My father had a bright idea that I loathed down to my very core. "I can email Mr. Mori and ask him if he has any students who would be willing to tutor you."

My mother quickly sided with him. "Yes! That way it'll be the exact material you're learning! Yes, that's a good idea."

My blood pumped quickly. That was a horrible idea! That would be so embarrassing! I hated all those fake-ass shit-eaters! No, I couldn't let them go through with this! "You don't have to email him! M-my friend can do it." The redness in my cheeks brightened but for a whole different reason. My friend? Yeah right. It was so embarrassing to just imagine how I could ask him without seeming pathetic or weak.

"A friend? Katsuki, you didn't tell us you had a friend." My mother said in shock.

"Who is it?" My father asked. Both watched me intently.

"M-Midoriya Izuku." I had never said his first name aloud before, it felt weird as it slipped off my tongue.

"Well… does he have good grades?" Mom asked, still thoroughly surprised by my statement.

"Yeah." I admitted bitterly. "He's third in the class." I hated that I knew that. I wasn't supposed to know anything about any of my classmates because that shows interest.

"Well then… okay! Honey, does that sound good to you?" My mother asked my father. He agreed. I was picturing making a hole in the wall with my head.

When the cake had been eaten, I went upstairs to my room and dug a little note out of the bottom of my backpack. It was a sturdy, pastel green card with a phone number scribbled on it. I remembered back to when I had received it.

It was only a few days into school, pretty soon after I met Midoriya, when he approached me before class at my desk, holding a lanyard and ID. I looked up at him and he smiled a little nervously. "What?" I demanded.

"You've already been here 4 days and you're still wearing that temporary ID. I figured you forgot to pick up the official one so I thought I'd just stop by and get it."

"Huh… that's funny. I don't remember hiring you to be my personal errand boy."

My aggression usually prompted him to be a little more forward. "You know, in a normal, friendly, society, people do nice things for each other sometimes." He said. He wasn't being snarky, he assumed I actually didn't know how boot-lickers like him played this polite game. "It doesn't mean you're indebted to anyone or that your weaknesses have been exposed, it's just what people do to lighten the burden on others and remind them that they're not doing it all on their own."

I pinched my brows together. Was he naïve or just stupid? I took the lanyard. "Next time, don't feel like you have to include me. I won't do any favors for anyone and I don't expect any done for me, got it?"

He sighed. "You can be so childish sometimes, Katsuki."

I felt my muscles tighten. I laced every word with venom. "Tell me…I really want to know… do you have a death wish?"

My aura seemed to have provoked some hesitation in him. "S-sorry." He said and sat down in his seat, opening his textbook to provide a distraction. It wasn't until lunch that I noticed that my ID card wasn't alone in the lanyard's clear plastic pouch. Behind it was slipped in a little green card. I pulled it out curiously. I was confused before I realized who put it there. Then I was just confused, flustered, and annoyed. I could tell the stationary didn't come from a notebook, he must have prepared it at home. Had he really wanted to give this to me so bad that he went out of his way, on his own time, to make it? Why? Did he think we were friends? Thoughts swirled around my head. 'What should I do with it? I can't keep it, that would be condoning this sort of thing. I should rip it up in front of his face, that'll show him.'

I imagined doing it and Midoriya watching with a sunken expression while his offer of friendship fell to the ground like snow. In my imagination, those emerald eyes lifted to catch mine, full of disappoint, pain, and betrayal. My heart tightened. Shit… why did that bother me? If you have a leech, you should rip it off, right? Then why did I hate thinking about that? Had I accidentally let him get to close?

I shoved the card into my bag and went back to class. I noticed Midoriya stealthily checking my lanyard to see if the card was still there. Even though I wanted to, I couldn't forget that it was there, in my backpack. As I carried it around, I could feel it radiating its stupid, friendly, aura. As I laid in bed, my eyes would fall on my backpack and I would be reminded. Midoriya was less like a leech and more like a parasite. How do you get rid of a parasite? You can't just yank it out once its in. You have to make the host inhospitable. That's what I would have to do. I'd have to remind him that I was not a good place to put his trust.

The next day at school, when he tried to say good morning, I didn't even give him and unimpressed frown like I usually did. I simply ignored him. When we were dismissed for lunch, I walked by his desk, dropping my used tissue on it carelessly, knowing it would bother him. I nonchalantly left the class and started down the hall when I heard hurried footsteps and a small, stern voice calling, "Katsuki!"

I turned around and scowled at him. "Don't call me-"

He interrupted, holding out the tissue. "You can throw out the card, I just wanted you to have it in case you were too shy to ask." He did two of his rough twitches. It was obviously painful for him to hold the tissue in his hand. "I don't care if you don't want to do anything nice for me but you can't tell me not to do nice things for whoever I want whenever I want." There was confidence and determination in his voice. He dropped the tissue on the ground and abruptly turned, heading toward the bathroom. It pissed me off that he was able to read my mind so easily. Still… I was impressed… behind his genuinely nice and gentle exterior was a strong-willed and brave kid. I tried to shake that admiration out of my thoughts but it was no good. I kept think about that incident… about him, for days to come.

As I sat in my room and held that green card, I wondered if I was getting myself in too deep. If a host accepts a parasite, they'll be overcome in no time. I ran my thumb over the black ink numbers. I remembered his smile, his scowl, his look of disappointment. Maybe it was okay to let him be my friend. After all, he was nice and sometimes, he didn't annoy me… no. No, he wasn't going to be my friend. He would just keep infecting me more and more. He'd want to hang out all the time and exchange gifts and do all that other stupid shit. He was like a hurricane. There's no such thing as a small hurricane, you get all or nothing.

I thought of my parents downstairs. I could hear Mom cleaning up the plates from the cake and I assumed Dad was taking down the streamers. I hated to admit it but they were right… I needed tutoring. Fuck, I hated feeling like I needed help. I tried to think of anyone else I knew in class that I could ask. There was one other person I knew, Kirishima, but he was barely passing. If I took help from him, I might start doing even worse. I opened my phone and started typing in the number from the Midoriya's card begrudgingly. This was going to make everything worse, I knew it. It took me several minute to think of what to say. I took a deep breath and tried to make it sound casual so hopefully, he wouldn't make a big deal out of it. My face was flushed.

(Katsuki) Waddup. I bombed the last test. What did you get?

My face was flushed. The little eye icon appeared immediately to show that he had seen the text. I hated just sitting there and waiting for the response.

(Midoriya) Katsuki?

(Katsuki) yeah

(Midoriya) I got full credit.

I snarled at the phone.

(Katsuki) Show me your notes.

(Midoriya) I can give them to you before class tomorrow 😊

(Katsuki) I can't read your shitty handwriting. Show them to me so I can goddamn understand them.

(Midoriya) Ohhh

(Midoriya) You want me to tutor you?

I grabbed a pillow from my bed and shoved my burning face into it. This was so humiliating! When I recovered, I set the pillow down and picked up my phone.

(Katsuki) Yeah, whatever

(Midoriya) K! Wanna meet up before class?

(Katsuki) K

With that, I put my phone away and went to take a shower to calm down. At least Midoriya hadn't been as annoying as I expected him to be but it was still stupid and frustrating.

As I approached school the next day, I saw a big, black, expensive, SUV at the entrance. 'I guess some rich prick gets here early too. What a big ego, who even own a car like that here? And gas is so expensive. The owner but be compensating for som-'

My thoughts were interrupted when I saw the greenette hop out of the car, all smiles as he waved to the driver. 'Shit… I always assumed Midoriya's family had some money but I guess they really do.' I tried to look away as if I was distracted by the boring brick building but it was no use. "Katsuki!" I heard him call. I kept walking. "Hey, wait!" His feet bounced across the pavement as he ran to catch up with me. Next thing I knew, a little hand snagged the back of my jacket. I turned around to the panting boy with a scowl. He smiled.

"We showed up at the same time! What a coincidence, huh?"

"Yup." I replied.

"Hey, it's pretty nice out. Want to study on the roof?"

"No."

"Huh? Why? It'll be getting cold soon then there won't be many opportunities to hang out outside."

The rooftop was a private place to me. I wanted it to stay mine. "Because I say so."

"Come on." He urged. "It'll be fun. It'll probably start snowing as early as October which means you only have one more month to enjoy the rooftop and that's not even taking into consideration the wind, which-"

"Stop mumbling. It's all dusty and stuff up there anyways."

He was quiet for a minute as we walked. "I still want to go."

"You're not going to get all twitchy?" I asked. He shook his head and I sighed. "Fine."

We went up to the roof and sat on the cement floor. I watched as he pulled out his textbooks and notebooks. It looked like his hair was growing out a bit, he kept pushing it out of his eyes. It looked really soft that day, like alpaca wool. I imagined what kind of a feel it would have if I touched it. Had the sun already made it warm or was it cool from the car ride? Dammit, why did I think about that? My face flushed quickly.

Midoriya looked up. "Katsuki? Your face is-"

"Hey! Mind your own business. Let's just get to work, okay?"

He nodded and uttered an affirmative grunt. He chose a notebook and I recognized a familiar pattern on it. Its bright red white and blue design assaulted the eyes. I locked eyes with the cartoon man who wore stars and stripes on his suit beneath a bright smile. "You really like Captain America, don't you?"

He smiled and nodded. "I like all the heroes but he's my favorite. He's really brave and he fights for justice for everyone!"

"He doesn't even have a sword or gun or anything. What kind of a villain would be afraid of a hero like that?"

"He has a shield." Midoriya mentioned. "His mission is to protect, not attack. Of course, he'll fight when he has to but when those times come, he doesn't take an impersonal approach to human life like a gun. He fights all of his enemies head on. It's a sign of respect and confidence in the power of justice."

I sneered. Midoriya was the most naïve and painfully optimistic person I'd ever met. "What's the use of heroes? Why can't people just protect themselves?"

"They could…" He looked down and admired the cartoon character. "They could, but it would cost them so much. So many lives would be lost. Everyone would have to keep their children at home, parents would be afraid to go to work. What a hero does is an act of love. Love for all the people he protects. They don't have to be scared and they don't have to give up their lives when bad things happen. The hero takes it all on his shoulders. He takes all that responsibility and suffering. He can't have a normal job or a family or a peaceful life. He constantly risks everything… for love."

I can't explain how I felt listening to him speak then. It was a new emotion, something I hadn't felt before. The cool wind prickled the hairs on the back of my neck and the leaves rustled all around us. It felt as if all my thoughts had stopped and I was really, truly, there in that moment with him. He looked up to me with a gentle and authentic smile. "If it were just for his sake, a hero couldn't do anything. All the power and motivation… it comes from his love for others."

My cheeks were a little warm but in a completely new way. I wasn't embarrassed or frustrated… Something new was happening. Midoriya broke me out of my hypnotic state with a sneeze. I blinked rapidly and regained myself. I was so confused, as if I had just gone through an out of body experience. "Excuse me! Sorry, once I start mumbling, it's hard to stop. Anyways, I think we should start on chapter four since that's what most of this unit's material relates back to."

We studied for nearly an hour and recapped all of chapter four. Midoriya shut his textbook and stretched. "My back is stiff and my tailbone hurts." He complained before checking his wristwatch. "Hey, there's still twenty-five minutes before class starts. Wanna get something to eat? There are a few street vendors outside the school gates. Let's get crepes!"

"No thanks." I said, putting my notebook back into my bag.

"My treat." He enticed.

I rolled my eyes and my stomach followed suit, grumbling like a garbage truck. Midoriya smiled and the sound and I scowled. 'Does this make us friends?' I wondered. 'Maybe this is dangerous… that feeling before… I don't know what that was…'

"Your treat?" I finally relented. We got up and he lead the way out to the vendors. I minded spending time with him less and less each day. Even though what he said about heroes and love was fairytale garbage, it sounded really nice too. I figured that, if something like that really existed, then I wouldn't mind being a hero. It's a life that has a real purpose.

I looked down at him as he ordered a lemon pastry with a smile. I decided that I would be willing to make sacrifices, big ones, if it meant that people like Midoriya could keep living simple and happy lives. He was so innocent, always assuming the best from people. People like him were the ones most crushed by the harshness of reality. If I could be a hero, I would want to fight so that Midoriyas everywhere could retain some of that childish joy.

Back in class, I realized that I was watching the greenette more than usual. Every few minutes during the lecture, I would check on him in my peripherals, just for a moment. I wasn't sure why. His speech about heroes had gotten to me. I mean it had really gotten me deep. It was a life that allowed one to enjoy the thrill of a fight and the bliss of a victory, justified by the protection of innocence. When I fought, the good feelings only lasted as long as the adrenalin. Afterwards, my bloody knuckles made me feel guilty and the weight of my wickedness bore down on me. But if I were a hero, all that would be different. After a fight, I would be able to say, 'I held back evil one more day so go ahead and smile. And don't worry, I'll be back tomorrow.'

"Katsuki, I've never seen you smile like that." A little voice said, waking me out of my daydream. I looked over to the wide-eyed Midoriya, my frown returning.

"Whaddya mean? I wasn't smiling." I replied.

"You were." He rebutted in a confident yet kind tone. "What were you thinking about?"

I huffed. This was so stupid, I shouldn't talk about it… but still… I felt a warm passion in my chest. "Hey, Midoriya…"

"Yeah?"

"Are there real heroes? Like Captain America?"

The boy's eyes lit up with excitement. "Yeah!"

"Really? How… how does someone become a hero like that?"

"Well, they just set their mind to helping people and then they look out for opportunities to do that."

"Like what?"

"Katsuki, do you, by chance, want to be a super hero?"

I didn't reply for a minute. Should I lie? What's the point? I knew Midoriya… I knew he wouldn't make fun of me. I nodded, determination in my eyes. The green eyes smiled at me with unparalleled brilliance.

"I think it would suit you really well." He agreed. My heart beat grew quicker. I don't know why but it made me really happy when he said that. "I want to be one too. Let's try together, okay?"

Just like that, the parasite had completely wormed its way in. I nodded, smiling.

When the bell released us for lunch, Midoriya asked if he could come up to the roof with me. I told him no once but rolled over by the time he started emitting a low whine of "please please please please please"

On the roof, we agreed to meet up after school and walk down into the small city in hopes of carrying out some vigilante justice. "You do all the fist fighting," he said, "And I'll help the victims."

I nodded, folding a slice of bread in half and stuffing it into my mouth. Midoriya watched, obviously unfamiliar with regular people food. "Is that just bread without anything on it like butter or jam?" He asked. I nodded, licking the crumbs off my fingers casually. "Is it good?" He wondered. I nodded again. It wasn't especially good or bad, it was just bread. "Can I try?"

I scowled a little possessively. He looked down at his tray and picked up a fat, ripe, pear. "Trade me for this?" He asked. 'Stupid rich kids,' I thought, 'A pear for one regular slice of wheat bread? I guess they really don't have a concept of money.' I accepted the trade, handing him the floppy and slightly sweet bread. My mouth watered just looking at the pear.

I watched him take the first bite just in case he realized his mistake but instead, he chewed and smiled. "So this is what Katsuki eats for lunch." He said, his voice a little muffled by the food in his mouth.

Heat creeped up to my face and prickled my cheeks. I quickly devoured the pear in an attempt to distract myself. 'Why did I blush? Was that cute? What!? How could that be cute?' I guess… I was a little flustered to hear that he thought about me and wondered those sort of things… dammit! It was so, completely, stupid!

The boy across from me laughed a little bit. "You're making a funny face. Was the pear under ripe?" He asked.

"I was not making a funny face! Your face is funny! Why are your eyes half your face!?" I accused, causing Midoriya to laugh harder. "Twerp! Stop that! I'm not being funny! What's up with your stupid hair anyways? It looks like a bush! You could hide squirrels in there."

"Stop, my cheeks hurt~" He panted out in-between giggling fits.

That's how it was between us. He fully accepted the parts of me that drove others away. Even when I really screwed up, he turned the situation around. Once the school bell rang, our eyes met and we confirmed silently our plans. We took our backpacks and walked out to the street. As we headed towards the city, we kept our eyes peeled, looking around for wrong-doers. "Are you really not scared, Katsuki?" Midoriya asked.

"Are you insinuating that I have a reason to be scared? Psh, as if. It's those punks who should be scared of me."

"Are you just going to fight with your hands? What if they have a knife or bat or something?"

I looked down to the pale, emerald-eyed, boy. I sensed that he was nervous. "Don't worry, I've beat up guys with bats before, I'm pretty quick. Just remember… get the victim and get to safety. You won't be caught up in the violence at all."

"What if you need help?"

"I won't need help."

"I'm just saying-"

"I won't."

"Katsuki."

"Look…" I met eyes with him. "Even if it looks bad, don't come to help, okay? I don't want you to. Stay a safe distance away with the victim."

He begrudgingly agreed. We walked almost thirty minutes with no business. Students were out with their friends or on dates, mothers brought their children with them shopping, and loners occasionally walked by with their dogs or phones for company. "Katsuki, look!" Midoriya said, tugging on my sleeve. I looked where he pointed. A girl, wearing our school uniform under a grey hoodie was obviously engaged in a conflict with two teenage boys from another school. Their muffled voices were inflicted with anger and desperation. My attention should have been on the victim but my first thought was immediately given to Midoriya. I pushed him behind me. While most of my mind focused on the situation, a small portion was reserved for the boy. I constantly checked in the corner of my eye for him.

We approached the situation. "You can't stop by my work anymore, you can't!" The girl said. "I don't want to do business anymore, that's it. Done. There's plenty of other people to sell to, right? So go spend your time with those customers. I'm not buying from you again and that's that."

One of the boys got intimidatingly close to her. He towered over the petit girl. "That's not how it works. Our asses are on the line, you can't just hop in and out of this business on a whim. How do we know you won't go blabbing to daddy?"

"What do you want?" Her voice trembled.

The boys looked at each other. "What have you got? Phone? Watch? I know you go to that rich school."

"Hey, you two don't have anything better to do than pick on girls? That's pathetic, get a life." I said, drawing all eyes to me. The brown-haired girl looked familiar, she was in my class. What was her name? Muchacho? No… something like that.

"Ochaco?" Midoriya asked, surprised. The girl's eyes widened in horror. She had been caught. "Ochaco-chan, what's going on here?"

Before she could answer, one of the boys threw his arm around her shoulder casually. "Just a conversation between friends, no need to worry. You two know Uraraka too?" He smiled down at her. "Uraraka, you didn't tell me your friends were going to hang out with us. I haven't even introduced myself. Although… I suppose if you would just lend me your phone and laptop, I wouldn't have to. I'd just be on my way." The girl trembled.

"Look, I don't know what kind of shady shit is going on here but I don't really care." I responded. "We're just here to walk Uraraka home, phone and computer included."

"I don't think our little Uraraka is who you think she is, friend." The teenager said with a smirk. "This innocent angel has been popping pills like a terminally-ill person for months." He pulled her closer to him, provoking the scared girl to stop her heel into his toes. "FUCK!" he growled, getting a fistful of her hair. She yelped. As I was about to step in, a green tuft of hair sped by my side and attacked the opponent with uncontrolled and unprepared force.

"Let go of her!" He screamed, throwing wild punches anywhere and everywhere. The second teen yanked Midoriya by the collar of his shirt, choking him as he threw him to the concrete with a heavy thud. A switch inside of me flipped when I saw the innocent boy's head smack against the pavement. My intention changed from a fun and virtuous fight to bloodlust. Quicker than lightening, I attacked the boys. My fist met muscle and bone, it hurt like hell, but I couldn't stop. I destroyed them. Even when they were both on the ground, I continued to kick them hard in their ribs and stomachs.

I felt absolutely rabid. When I saw their fists, I remembered the hand that snatched Midoriya's collar. When I saw their feet, I thought of the shoes that stood beside his body on the pavement. When I looked into their eyes, I recalled their fleeting expressions of victory. I wondered if this was what it meant to be a hero. I could think of nothing but the innocent who had been hurt. Those thoughts provided all my fuel, more power and ferocity than I'd ever known.

I only stopped when thin, familiar arms wrapped around me and tried to pull me off. He wasn't strong enough to physically stop me but the touch woke me up from my violent trance. I turned around and looked into his wide, scared eyes. Scared… was he scared of me? Did I do that? "Katsuki…" His voice was so fragile. "Katsuki… stop."

'Oh…' I thought, looking at my bloody hands. Most of the blood wasn't mine. I glanced to the teens. They were fine but by the looks of it, the damage was going to be pretty lasting. Two broken noses, a split brow, busted lip, a missing tooth, maybe some fractured ribs, and an impressive collection of bruises. I looked back to Midoriya with a face of realization. I had never hurt anyone that bad. I was confused and afraid.

"It's over…" His kind, reassuring, voice soothed. "They're done. It's over now. We should get going before they call someone."

I nodded, still too traumatized to process everything. I followed the green-haired boy as he led Uraraka and I to a near-by store's loading area. It was hidden and private. We were all panting from our escape. I finally regained myself. "I told you to stay aside!" I scolded. This time, my anger was authentic and tinged with concern. "You idiot! Why didn't you just listen to me!? If you had listened to me, you wouldn't have gotten hurt and everything wouldn't have turned out how it did!"

Midoriya sniffed. There were tears in his equally passionate expression. "I had to! Ochaco's our classmate! Our friend! I couldn't just stand aside!"

I grabbed his arms and pulled him intensely close, my blood boiling. "But you. Got. Hurt." My heart raced like a lawn-mower engine. "Do you understand? You got hurt… that was never part of the plan."

"You got hurt too…" He protested, his anger dying down.

"That doesn't matter! That's fine!"

"So why is it fine for you to get hurt but not me?"

That question stumped me. I was silent for a moment, releasing his arms. I looked away, refusing eye contact with him. "It just is." I grumbled, my fire simmering down.

"Please don't fight." Ochaco spoke up. "There's already been so much trouble caused for my sake so please… don't fight."

"What the hell was that all about?" I asked, glad for a diversion.

"That guy back there… he- he was telling the truth. For a long time, I bought pills from them. My family doesn't have a lot of money. You of all people should understand that, Bakugo. They work really hard to afford my tuition and I couldn't stand to see them work those crazy long shifts and come home completely exhausted for me… I couldn't stand by and watch without doing anything." A few tears rolled down her cheeks. "So I got a part time job to do after school but my grades were dropping because I was always too tired after work to study and do my homework…"

"So you turned to pills to help you focus." I predicted.

She nodded, clearly ashamed. "I didn't think it would come to that but other students swore by them. They did help. I had a lot more energy and I could focus on my studies but I've decided that I don't want them anymore! If these grades are only possible because of the pills… are they really mine at all? I feel dirty when I get good marks on an exam because I know that I had an advantage others didn't have."

"So what? You also had a huge disadvantage too, I would consider that leveling the playing field. Besides, I bet you're not the only one at school who uses methods like that." I said. Midoriya and Uraraka both stared at me in shock. I guess it surprised them that I didn't reject the idea of study drugs or that I even bothered to defend Uraraka, a girl I barely knew. I guess a real hero would tell her that she had been wrong to use the pills and that those methods were evil but I knew her situation too well. When you're desperate, any solution that alleviates the stress and helps the bills get paid is valid. It wasn't the sweetest reality but it was the truest.

"Th-thanks for understanding…" She said in a small and unsure voice. It must have been pretty embarrassing for her to be caught in that situation so I didn't look at her apologetic face. "I won't get involved with people like that again so… so please don't worry. I'm sorry you guys got hurt for my sake."

"We're fine." Midoriya assured her.

"I'm sorry…" She whimpered, the tears spilling faster.

"Ochaco-chan, hey, don't cry." He comforted. "We're really not that badly hurt. I don't feel anything at all. Those guys were weaker than they looked." 'Lying to make her feel better?' I wondered. 'Is that what heroes do? I wonder… is that really the best way? I hate lying and I hate liars but maybe… maybe it's necessary to preserve the innocence and peace of the victim.' I decided to give it a try. I smiled a huge, fearless, smile. It easily caught the attention of my two shorter classmates.

"Psh! Those guys!? My grandma has bigger muscles! It was like pushing down a traffic cone. If the street scum of this town are going to put a scratch on me, they're seriously going to have to try harder!" I boasted in a booming voice that radiated confidence and pride.

The girl sniffed and wiped her cheek, a little smile forming. My heart raced slightly and my spirit swelled. This must be the feeling of being a hero. That manic flash of violence before wasn't it… this was. Seeing the victim smile and believe that things really were okay now. An indescribable feeling was born in me that day.

Midoriya helped the girl calm down and once she had stopped crying, she walked back home. We offered to take her but she refused anymore help. Midoriya and I took our leave too, heading back towards the residential part of town as the sun began sinking lower in the sky. "You got beat up pretty bad back there," Midoriya said. "Did you break anything?"

"Nah. You?"

"No… but my head and hip hurt a little."

"Put ice on them and take something over-the-counter for the pain." I advised. He nodded.

"You know… I thought you were really cool back there."

"Shut up." I growled, embarrassed.

"No, I mean it! When you fought those guys… that was a little scary… but afterwards you were really, really, cool."

I was silent as his compliment soaked in. "I was just acting. Anyways, you lied first. I figured stuff like that must work on stupid people."

Midoriya nodded, ignoring the 'stupid' comment. "No one likes to know how much others have suffered for them. Because of that, I think it's really important for heroes to smile when they fight. People want to believe in an easy and just fight. If we cause them to worry more or feel guilty, then we can't really claim to be heroes, can we?"

I shook my head. "Guess not." I noticed that he was lagging a little behind me. "You're not trying to get another free ride, are you?" I accused.

"No…" He looked up at the watercolor sky. Pinks, purples, and oranges melted into each other. "It's just… can we walk a little slower? I want this to last for a while. Right now, I feel really happy."

The corners of my mouth raised just a twinge. "I guess." I replied, looking up to the cotton candy sky. For the first time in a while, I was happy too.


	3. The New New Kid

After the incident with Uraraka that one day, things were different in class. I wouldn't say Uraraka was the most popular girl in the class but she definitely had a few close friends to whom she told the whole story of that incident. Those few people started smiling at me and inviting me to sit with them at lunch. Her boyfriend, Iida Tenya, the class rep, went out of his way to boost my popularity too. He would assign me little chores like gathering the homework and collecting the fieldtrip dues. At first, I was annoyed by the extra chores but then I realized that those tasks helped me meet people in the class and learn their names.

This school semester was already turning out so differently. When I arrived at school, my classmates would greet me with smiles and offer me pieces of gum. Everyone talked to me and invited me to clubs. I thought I didn't want any friends, that they were all pretentious, fake, boot-lickers… but being liked changed my whole perspective. I was good to be liked, I felt really great to be accepted and popular.

People started saying I was cool. Cool… _they thought I was cool_ …."Katsuki," my classmate Kaminara said, "I want to do my hair like yours, it looks really cool!". I smirked and played it off in a smooth way.

"Psh, Thanks but don't bother with the hair. I wouldn't tell you my secret styling technique so just stick with your own style. I suits you better anyways." I said, dripping with confidence and collectedness.

Midoriya always sat in the group with me and my new friends but he hardly spoke, he just watched everyone and smiled. We didn't talk at school anymore, not before class nor at lunch. He was invisible to me between the school bells. When school ended, however, we would take our backpacks and walk to my house. He used to tutor me every day after school but soon enough, I caught up on the material and I really didn't need the tutoring so much. Still, we were in the habit of it so we would still go up to my room and lay around and do nothing for a few hours.

One such day, after finishing our homework, we sat together in my room in silence. I sat on the floor, reading some hero comics he had lent me and he laid on my bed, scrolling through his phone. We were pretty relaxed together. "Hey, I heard Momo-chan invite you to the debate club's Bar-b-que. Are you gonna go?" The greenette asked. His voice gave off a casual feel but I sensed that he was a little anxious.

"No. I have to go to my little cousin's birthday party that day." I replied.

"It seems like you get invited to a lot of stuff recently…" He mentioned.

"Yeah, I guess." I answered.

"You're getting along with everyone really well now." His voice held some hesitation.

"So? What of it?" I asked.

"Nothing." He backed off, putting his nose back in his phone. I knew what was wrong. After the incident with Uraraka, I had made a lot more friends but he still hadn't. It was flu season, he was already uncomfortable in class not to mention that he hated people getting close to him during this time of the year especially. While I was making more friends, he was getting lonelier.

"Were you invited too?" I asked. I could feel his embarrassment. Shit… I felt bad for him.

"No." His voice was small and hesitant.

I looked down at the comic book in my hands and took a deep breath. Now was a good opportunity to practice being a hero. "Good, so you'll be free that evening? After going to my cousin's party, I'll really need some time away from my family." As I was learning, lying could be used as part of being a good hero.

Midoriya crooked his mouth up in a little smile. "Yeah, I don't think I'll be doing anything. Whadya wanna do?"

"Dunno, anything I guess." I replied.

"Captain America 3 is coming out this weekend." He mentioned.

For a brief moment, I was excited. I had grown to like the patriotic hero too. My smile fell as a realization hit me. "You wanna see a movie? Isn't that something you do on a date?"

Midoriya rolled his eyes. "Anyone can see a movie any time, it's not just a date thing."

"Do you know friends who go to see movies together?" I asked.

"Uraraka and Iida go all the time."

" _They're dating_." I pointed out.

"Yeah, but they've always gone to see movies together, even before they were dating."

I shook my head frustrated. "Yeah, but two guys never go together right?"

"That's not true. I saw The Avengers with my two cousins. They're both guys."

"Oh my god, you're insufferable."

"Do you want to see the movie or not?"

I thought about it for a while. It was okay, right? Sometimes guys go to see movies together, that's fine, right? I mean, neither of us were gay so it wasn't like that at all. Besides, no one would even see us. I was overthinking this. If I wanted to go see the movie, I should just do it, right? Midoriya would be cool and I would be cool, so it would be fine. "Yeah…" I agreed. His smile grew.

"I'll get the tickets, okay? That way, it's the opposite of a date."

"Hold up, you think that I would actually buy your ticket if it were a date?" I said, outraged by the assumption that I was one of those chivalrous tools.

"You wouldn't? So… are you the girl in this situation?" He asked with a chuckle. He was enjoying picking on me.

I picked up the pillow I was sitting on and climbed up on the bed, trying to suffocate him with it out of rage. He laughed so hard and loud as he tried to fight me off. "DIE!" I yelled.

"Katsuki! S-stop!" He cried between fits of laughter. "Stop! I take it back! I forfeit!"

I rolled off the bed with a triumphant humph. "You better god damn watch that mouth of yours if you want to live to see your next birthday."

He giggled. "Hey, everyone in class calls you Katsuki now, right?" He asked.

"Yeah, what of it?"

"So, can I call you Kaachan?"

"What the fuck? No! Why would I agree to that?"

"Well, before, I was calling you Katsuki while everyone else was calling you Bakugo-san. Now that everyone calls you Katsuki, it's not special anymore."

"What makes you think you have the right to a special name?"

"Because I'm your closest friend."

"Who says?"

"Aren't I?"

I scoffed. "As if." I picked the comic back up and searched for my page.

"Who do you like more than me?" He asked.

I tried to think of someone I was closer to than Midoriya but there was no one. "That's not how it works! I don't have a place system."

"So it's me?"

"I just said I don't have a favorite friend!"

"I know you. If there were someone you liked more than me, you would have told the truth."

"Shut the fuck up! You're always saying stupid shit like this, I don't even know what the hell you're talking about!" I barked. I could feel him smiling and it pissed me off.

"Okay, Kaachan." He replied.

"Fuck you!"

"I thought that wasn't the kind of relationship we have~" He teased.

With fire in my veins, I got up on the bed and again tried to suffocate him to death unsuccessfully. Most times, we got along great. We were comfortable with each other and could sense each other's thoughts but sometimes, Izuku made me want to kill him.

The week passed easily. At school, I was the popular kid. I pulled solid Bs and got invited to tons of shit. After school, I went back to being myself with my only classmate who knew the real me. I never asked to go to his house and he never offered. I didn't really understand his germ thing but I grasped it well enough to assume that his house was a safe place for him, away from everyone and everything that caused him discomfort throughout the day.

I noticed that, at school, he could sometimes get a little nervous and twitchy. It was the worst when people would cough or sneeze during class. When we were at my house, he was more relaxed and we had developed a system to keep it that way. I had one sheet just for him that I kept in a box under my bed. When he came over, he'd put the sheet over the bed so he could lay down comfortably and before he left, he would put it away. I already knew better than to offer him food or drinks. He ate and drank only what he brought from home. I also moved my bedroom trashcan into the bathroom because he had complained about the smell.

I didn't really know what he was going through. I had asked once while we were hanging out. "So this germ thing…" I said, "So… what is it? What'll happen if the germs get to you?"

He looked up from his phone. "Nothing much, hopefully. Maybe I'll get a cold or a stomach bug. I know it's not the end of the world, I don't have any misconceptions about that. It's really just a matter of comfort. Imagine if there were spiders in your clothes," He explained casually, "You know you're going to live and you could deal with it for a while but you would really, really, _really_ just want to get them out. You'd think about it all day and your skin would twitch. That's what it feels like. I can see and smell and sense germs. I know they're on me and my clothes and in my hair and on my eyelashes, it drives me crazy. I really just want to wash them away with scalding water but I can control those desires. Most of the time, I can stay calm and act normal."

When he explained it like that, I came to see that he wasn't just fussy or crazy. I tried, within reason, to reduce those anxieties when we were hanging out. Making a huge deal out of it was just embarrassing for both of us. Mostly, I just let him do what he wanted to do without judging him and listened when he said something was bothering him.

The weekend came and so did my cousin's birthday party. The kid was a complete snot brain and there was no one my age there. I was happy to get home and out of the house. Midoriya and I met on the subway platform seeing as the theater was over 15 miles from both of our houses. It was my first time seeing the happy greenette out of his school uniform and I rolled my eyes at his outfit of choice. He was wearing a Captain America t-shirt with long khaki shorts and red sneakers. He looked like a middle schooler.

"Dressed for the occasion?" I asked mockingly.

He smiled brightly, not picking up on my tone. "Mm-hm! The movie doesn't start for an hour, can we walk around a little first?"

"Fine." I agreed, walking ahead. He quickly caught up. We went into the store of his choice. I didn't care where we went, I just figured window-shopping would keep me from having to entertain the energetic kid for a whole hour. The store was an assortment of trinkets and books, plenty to look at.

Midoriya looked at everything, curious and excited. I watched him out of the corner of my eye. When I first met him, I dismissed him as naive and fake but upon getting to know him, I realized that that wasn't it at all. He was authentic in everything he did. He didn't smile so much because he was stupid, it was because he was genuinely happy.

"Kaachan, do you know this book?" He asked, holding up a copy of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein.

"I didn't say you could call me that." I reminded him.

"Fine, I take it back, do you know this book?" He retorted.

"No." I replied dryly.

"Really? Then I really want to give it to you. It's about someone who was born with a heart full of kindness and empathy but people hated him and treated him badly so his heart became rotten and he hurt them back. Even after all of the hurting and hatred, though, he still hasn't become the monster they say he is. Underneath all the scarring, his heart is still warm and alive. I think this book would resonate with you."

My face blushed bright pink. "H-hold up! Resonate with me!? What are you trying to say!? Don't compare me to a hideous monster."

"You're completely missing the point, he's not a monster." Midoriya retorted quite sternly as if I had offended him. "He is as much of a person as anyone is. People just treat him poorly because of bad first impressions and misconceptions."

I looked away, my face burning and my arms crossed stubbornly. "You always say the stupidest things. Honestly, do you even think about what you say before you say it?"

"Always." He responded firmly, carrying the book away. I shook my head and started looking around the store, searching for a distraction that would give my face enough time to return to normal color. I read the back of a few books and inspected a few porcelain figures before finding something that caught my eye. It was a little pastel green bunny sculpture. The rabbit held up a carrot with its two front paws, looking directly at the viewer. I smirked.

'So stupid,' I thought. 'Who made such a stupid thing? It's giving up its carrot to… to no one.' That's what made it so stupid. It wasn't keeping the prize to itself nor sharing it with a loved one like its bunny mother or bunny friends, it was just out there in the open for any random stranger to take. It was so naïve and trusting and selfless, it was exactly like the emerald-eyed boy I came with. I picked it up and looked it over.

For a brief moment, a thought crossed my mind. 'I should give this to him' I thought. No! What the hell was I thinking!? I put the trinket down and walked away only to return a minute later and pick it back up. I wanted to at lease buy it. I wasn't going to give it to him but dammit, I liked it. I took it up to the register while he was in a different part of the store. It was cheap and small enough to slip into my coat pocket. When I next saw him, I couldn't help that there was a little twinge of pink resting on my cheeks. I kept thinking about the stupid little bunny.

We went off to the theater and found our seats, waiting in the lowly murmuring theater for the film to start. Midoriya sipped from his water bottle. "If you don't want me to call you Kaachan…" He said, his quiet voice drawing my attention, "Then I won't. It's just… you were my friend first. I know that sounds really petty and childish. It is petty and childish but I can't help how I feel. I always knew you'd get popular and be well liked, they just had to see through their misconceptions of you." He looked down to his lap and blushed. "Even though I knew that… it still feels too soon. I worry that they'll get even closer to you and close me out-"

"Shut up" I interrupted. I was glad that the theater was dark because it hid my blush. "You know it's different… so are you really going to make me say it? How I am at school isn't all of me. We…you…" I grumbled. It was really hard for me to speak my mind. "Look, what I'm trying to say is that we know each other and that's why it's different. I know about your germ thing, you know about… well, everything. That's why it's different, got it? So stop worrying about stupid shit, you'll kill off your dwindling braincell population." I finished. A moment of silence followed before he replied.

"Thanks, Kaachan."

Thank God, the movie started and we didn't have to talk to each other anymore. I glanced at Izuku from time to time. He was exactly the target audience of this film. Each action sequence boiled his blood so intensely that he bounced in his seat. I smiled. 'So stupid…' I thought. 'He's acting like a little kid. If Captain America were real, he'd probably love Izuku as much as Izuku loves him. Any hero would, he's the kind of person that heroes think about when they go risk their lives. Innocent and kind and naiive. Any just person would want to protect someone like him. Those smiles can be too easily ruined and his naiive kindness can be taken advantage of. All heroes, even aspiring heroes like myself, want to protect the Midoriyas of the world.'

Izuku's eyes stayed dilated and his blood remained fiery long after the movie ended. He wouldn't stop summarizing his favorite aspects of the film and praising Captain America's bravery. For the first few minutes, I thought it was kind of cute but I soon grew irritated. I'm a hero too, a real one, isn't that what he said? He said I was cool and praised me like that too. Didn't he remember how I beat up those drug dealers? And how I put on that show for Uraraka to spare her feelings? I don't know why but it was kind of pissing me off that he was saying those same things about Captain America. I wanted him to say that only for me because that made it feel so much more authentic. I scowled at him. He was confused by my expression. "Kaachan? What's wrong?"

"Where was your Captain America when Uraraka was getting blackmailed? Or when you were thrown to the ground by a thug? Doesn't seem that great to me…" I grumbled lowly. I knew how pathetic and petty I was being but that didn't change the fact that I was annoyed.

"He obviously isn't-" Izuku started but quickly realized the real reason for my anger. He smiled and nodded. "You're right. He's just a comic book character. The best and bravest heroes are the ones who risk their real lives for others. You're much cooler than Captain America, Kaachan!"

My blush returned and my scowl stayed firm though, inside, his words made me happy. We walked back to the subway station and waited on the platform together. I put my hands in my pockets and was reminded of the little figurine that I had purchased impulsively. I wanted Izuku to have it, it only seemed right that the toy stay with the one who would understand it best. I just didn't know how to give it to him.

We rode the subway in silence. When we got out and began walking in the direction of our homes, I decided to just hand it over. I didn't understand why I had been so embarrassed around Izuku recently. I pulled it out of my pocket with one hand and hoisted forward his free hand with the other, placing the figure forcefully into his palm with a red face. The boy curiously studied his prize. "Is this for me?" He asked. I didn't answer, my heart was beating in my throat. I thought that, if I opened my mouth, he would hear its blaringly loud thumping. He looked over the toy. "Are you giving this to me… because it reminds you of me?" He asked. I again refused to answer. We were coming up to the point where we parted ways. Perfect, then this horribly confusing and embarrassing situation would end. I picked up the pace of my walking, hurrying for that split in the road when a little hand grabbed my sleeve. I stopped and turned around.

Midoriya was giving me a smile I'd never seen before. I could feel the warmth of his heart just by looking into his eyes. "Thank you… it makes me really happy to get this from you…" Just then, he took my hand and put the figure back in my palm. "I want it to stay with you. If it really reminds you of me, then I want you to keep it so maybe you'll look at it and think, 'how is Midoriya today?'. That's all I want." He said. That voice was so sweet yet rich and filling like pure maple syrup. My ears drank it in hungrily.

I was frozen on the spot so Izuku was the first to leave, thanking me for the trip and turning his back on me. My eyes missed the sight of his smile once it was gone. After I had watched him go, I numbly turned and went on my own way home, the toy clutched safely in my hand. As I thought about that incident later that night, I still didn't understand. All I knew was that I was frustrated. Midoriya always managed to confuse be and surprise me and fill me with feelings I didn't understand. I placed the little trinket on my desk and laid in bed, staring at it.

'I don't know anything anymore…' I thought. 'What did we really do today? It felt comfortable, it didn't feel like a date at all… but I can't dismiss this idea. He suggested the movie… and when we were parting ways… what he said… is that normal? He made it sound so normal but when I think of anyone else saying that, it gives off a completely different feeling. That's not something friends say, is it? But we are friends! We hang out so comfortably, we don't even talk. That's not what a relationship is like, is it?'

I tried to imagine having a girlfriend to picture how that would be different. I imagined sitting on the floor, reading a comic while she lied on my bed. I pictured a generic, cute, brown-haired, girl. She kicked her legs lazily and played with my hair. 'Stop that' I imagined saying.

'But Katsuki, I'm bored~' Her imaginary feminine voice replied. When she spoke again, her voice was deeper and more familiar. 'Can't we go do something outside?'

I turned around and my imaginary girlfriend had been replaced by Izuku. He gave me a soft smile as haphazard green locks fell on his face. 'Kaachan? What's that expression for? You said I looked cute this morning, you're not going to take that back, are you?'

My eyes shot open as I desperately woke myself from my day dream. 'No… no!' I thought. 'What the hell! What the literal hell!? Why did my mind go there!? Fuck… fuck it all… fuck! That was so messed up….'

I tumbled out of bed and put on my shoes. I really, really, really, needed a good, long, run to clear my mind. The more I avoided thoughts of the green-haired boy, the more they persisted until finally my body was too exhausted and my mind could only focus on the physical strain. The relief from my own thoughts was bliss.

On Monday, I arrived at school with a rubber band around my wrist. I had devised this technique for when I couldn't up and run to clear my head. When I thought about those things that really confused and upset me, I snapped the rubber band until my mind had no choice but to forget those happy emerald eyes. I ignored Izuku as always, which was a little easier to do due to the whole class being abuzz about the new transfer. One of our classmates had moved schools, opening a seat for the top ranked freshman to move up. Today was his first day in our class.

He was a weird-looking kid. There was no one trait that disturbed me the most. Every part of him worked together to produce an aura of intimidation and danger. He wore a head of platinum blonde hair styled neatly above deep, penetrating, crystal blue eyes. His smile was the most unsettling part. Unlike the smiles I had received when I first entered class, his was wholly authentic but not in a good way. As if he was smiling at a joke only he knew. Iida, of course, was the first to approach him.

"Welcome to the class, Monoma-kun." The class president said in his authoritative and friendly voice. "We understand you were just promoted here from your freshman class so don't worry if it takes you a while to adjust. If you find the material difficult, mention it to anyone and they will help you."

"Who?" He asked plainly in a sweet voice, still wearing his creepy smile.

"Huh?" Iida asked.

"Who should I ask? Who's the top of this class?" He asked again, his tone eerily cheerful.

"Well, Momo Yaoyorozu is the top of the class followed by myself and then Midoriya over there." He explained. Midoriya offered a small smile and wave. He wasn't as excited about this new student as he had been about me. Maybe he sensed the same creepiness from this guy that I did.

"Ah, I see~" Monoma replied. "So you three will be my biggest competition in this class~ After all, you're currently in the place I want to be. There can only be one first place, right?"

Some students laughed dryly, assuming he just had a bad sense of humor. Monoma's expression didn't change at all. He locked eyes with the intimidated Midoriya. "Fight hard to keep your spot, okay? I'll do the same to take it away from you." With that, he looked down at his textbook and started highlighting in it as if he was oblivious to the shocked crowd.

I became unexplainably possessive after his comment to Midoriya. I knew how hard that kid worked for his grades plus I absolutely hated how the new kid looked at him. I really, really, wanted to punch him. I sat down at my seat and looked over to Midoriya who was clearly a little startled. "Kaachan…" he whispered. "I'm not really good with jokes so I can't tell but… do you think he was joking?"

I shook my head. "Don't worry about it." I replied in an equally quiet voice. When lunch began, I went to the freshman classroom that Monoma had belonged too before his transfer. When I asked about him, the faces of the students dropped in horror.

"They're not moving him back, are they?" One girl asked. Another student joined in. "He didn't have any friends and… he really didn't care. He looked at everyone with eyes that said, 'I'll kill you'. He really scared everyone". More students added to the discussion. "Do you know how he rose to first place in the class? Ibara was first place before him…" "You can't tell that story!" One student objected. "Yeah! Think of Ibara!" Another supported. "Hey, you're from the sophomore class, right? Yui… you should tell him… they should know what kind of a person he is. Ibara would want them to know."

One brave student, Yui, agreed and stepped forward. "Ibara was my friend… she was really smart, better than Monoma and he knew he could never catch up to her. He would have been second place forever but he couldn't accept that… There was a boy she liked, a senior. He liked her too, I'm sure of it, but out of nowhere, he started receiving scandalous photos of Ibara. We never saw them but I know Ibara and I'm sure they were taken without her permission… I'm sure it was Monoma who was sending them. The boy she liked was so repulsed and when she tried to explain, he didn't understand at all." Yui's voice began to tremble. "Ibara walked into the street because of what Monoma did! It was all his fault! He even had the audacity to visit her in the hospital! He's sick… he's really messed up… Her parents transferred her to a different school. When we found that out, he laughed. Who ever is in his way, he tramples on. He meets all obstacles with indifferent brutality. He's a dangerous person who shouldn't be at our school."

Yui's story shook me down to my core and made me realize that his threats were far from empty. I didn't think people like that existed outside of TV dramas. I quickly thanked them and rushed back to my classroom. Just as I had feared, Monoma had chosen to eat his lunch beside Midoriya. He was all smiles while the green-haired boy uncomfortably looked down at his lunch. I approached them, towering over the blonde with an aura as dangerous as his own. I was reminded of those teenagers I had taken on weeks ago. I really wanted to hurt him.

"Kaachan?" Midoriya asked in a small, relieved voice.

That little fuck smiled up at me calmly. "Oh, is this your seat? Sorry, I just saw it was empty. Kaachan, is it? Hi, I'm Neito Monoma."

"You can't call me that." I replied sternly, neglecting all efforts at being polite.

"Huh? I can't? But Izuku calls you that. Is it a special nickname?" He asked.

I hated hearing him speak Midoriya's name so casually. "Hey, freshman, what happened to your manners?" I snarled. "Shouldn't you be a little more respectful? Call him Midoriya-san."

The blonde retorted with a chuckle. "You really seem to care a lot, don't you? Don't you think it's weird to care so much about a friend's name? That's weird, right? And you came all the way over here wearing that scary face… just what are you trying to accomplish? Why do you have to protect him?"

My face burnt red and my hands closed into tight fists. I was restraining myself, only seconds from loosing it. My aggressive demeanor only slightly amused Monoma while Midoriya, on the other hand, immediately became aware of the impending danger. He quickly stood and pushed on my chest, trying to move me back as he looked up to me with desperate eyes. I took a step back but didn't loose eye contact with the blonde. "Kaachan," That familiar, calming, voice said. "You're shaking. Come on, let's go to the roof. Come on." He pushed more until my anger simmered enough for me to turn with a huff and storm out of the room followed by the greenette.

"Interesting…" a faint voice commented as we exited. Midoriya followed me out to the roof. He watched me silently, waiting for me to decide what I wanted to do. I was still furious. My blood boiled, my hands trembled, my muscles tensed. I looked back at the boy who watched me patiently with a concerned expression. I felt the tightness of my heart loosening. A cool breeze swept by, reminding me that I was outside and away from Monoma. The breeze tussled Izuku's bouncy hair. After a few breaths, I felt calm.

"I don't like that guy." I explained.

He nodded. "I know."

"I met some of the people from his last class. He's a real psycho. I'm not kidding, he's the real thing. He made the girl at the top of his last class try to kill herself." I explained.

"So… do that he'll hurt people in this class too?" The boy asked.

"He won't hurt you." I promised sternly. My words clearly shocked Izuku as evident from his gasp and gentle blush. "I'm the coolest hero, right? You said I was even cooler than Captain America. Do you really believe that?" I interrogated with a scowl. The boy nodded seriously. "Then don't worry. A hero doesn't let people get hurt. I'll protect everyone in our class. If you really believe that, Izuku, then don't be afraid of Monoma anymore."

I had never used Midoriya's first name to his face. His blush intensified as he nodded. "I'm not afraid." He confirmed. His eyes looked at me with complete faith and trust. I snapped the rubber band, trying to get those weird thoughts out of my head.


	4. Deku

After I made my promise to Midoriya on the rooftop, he stuck to me like glue. I was annoyed and tried to shoo him away once or twice before finally relenting. It seemed like Monoma had actually shaken him a bit. "So, what did that creepy guy say to you?" I asked as we walked back to my house. "Before I showed up, I mean."

Midoriya walked behind me, trying to copy my step pattern. "Nothing really… I don't know how to explain it. He has a way of making you feel really unnerved without using threats or anything. He was just making polite conversation but still… the way he speaks and his word choice just change the mood completely."

I glanced back. "Hey, what are doing back there? Come walk up here like a normal person, would you? You're annoying me." I snarled.

"I'm not doing anything." He defended as he jogged up to my side.

"When you play around like that, you're just making yourself an easier target. It makes you look simple-minded." I pointed out.

"Isn't having a simple mind a good thing? That's what the Buddhist doctrine says." He challenged innocently.

"That's not what I mean. I mean you look like you could be fooled easily, y'know? Like you don't have the good senses to defend yourself."

"That's why I have a personal hero." He replied with a smile.

"What!? Do I look like some sort of a butler, Fancy Boy!?" I growled.

"I'm not that fancy." He replied.

"You come to school in a tank and eat blackened salmon for lunch."

"It's not a tank, it's an SUV." He pointed out.

"OH MY GOD! Just shut up already! You don't need to correct everything I say!"

"But Kaachan-"

"No! No more words until we get home." I demanded. He didn't answer. I smugly looked to him, foolishly thinking that he had submissively rolled over to my command but that wasn't quite it. He was blushing. "What the hell is that face for!?"

"You said 'home' instead of 'my home'…" He explained. "Which means… you consider me part of it."

Now it was my face's turn to get red. "Who even says something like that!? I just think of it as 'home' so that's what I called it. Don't go getting any big ideas! God, you're weird." The rest of the trip was silent on account of the fact that we were both embarrassed.

At home, Izuku laid his sheet out on the bed and relaxed. I stood at the bedside and looked down at him. He was sprawled out on his back, eyes closed and necktie loosened. "Are you really that comfortable?" I asked quietly, genuinely curious. "What about the germs?"

He took a deep, relaxed breath. "I dunno…I think having my own personal hero takes some of the stress off me."

"Hey, stop calling me that." I scolded.

"But isn't that what you are?"

I sat on the foot of the bed to untie my shoes. The changing weight on the bed surprised him and he sat up, propping himself up on his arms. I didn't seem to bother him that I was on his sheet. "I'm a regular hero, you just happen to be the person at risk right now." I said before slipping my shoes off. I looked back at the smiling boy.

"Well, I guess I can't have all your time, right?" He replied with his usual happy expression. My heart started beating faster so I snapped the rubber band a few times as I stood up from the bed and repositioned myself on the ground. "Hey Kaachan," The boy spoke up. "You've been doing that thing with the rubber band all day. What's it about?"

"Huh? Oh, nothing." I replied, pulling his backpack toward me and looking through it for a new comic. I pulled out the only book I found, Frankenstein, and held it up with an obvious scowl. "What's this?" I asked with an annoyed tone.

"A book." He replied with a teasing grin as he rolled onto his stomach.

"How dumb do I look to you?" I growled. "Of course it's a book!"

"You know, comic books aren't the only good books out there."

I opened the book and looked through it. "It's in English! How the fuck am I even supposed to read it?"

A little hand slipped down from the bed and snatched the book. "I'll read it to you, okay? We'll figure it out together."

I watched him with a scowl. "What if I don't want to?" I asked.

"And what if I do?" He retorted, catching me a little off guard. We usually always did what I wanted, I didn't think it bothered him. "Y'know…" He continued. "You're not the only one who can protect me from Monoma-kun. I intent to defend my position in class with my own smarts. If I kept my spot not because I'm smarter but because you physically withheld him, then that's not fair at all, right? I'll show him that I deserve my rank. I'll study twice as much as he does."

It was rare that Izuku so honestly stood up for himself. When we hung out, I was almost always the one in charge and he followed me. Still, on occasion, he would surprise me and take the reins. When that happened, I got to glimpse the brave and determined side of Midoriya. That familiar and uncomfortable feeling returned. My heart warmed up and my eyes wanted to look at him for a long time. I tore my gaze away and snapped the rubber band over and over.

"Read." I demanded.

It took us twenty minutes just to get through the first page. We were constantly stopping to debate grammar and look up unfamiliar words. By the third page, our brains were completely exhausted. He finally put down the book. "Feel smarter?" I asked sarcastically.

"Thanks, Kaachan." He replied in a sweet voice.

"Psh, don't thank me. An idiot like you really should be studying like this more. How did you even get to third place?" I asked.

He wasn't paying attention, he was busy texting. "Ah, Kaachan, sorry but I'm going to leave early today, okay?"

"Fuck if I care." I grumbled. 'Why?' I wondered, my thoughts completely betraying my cool demeanor. 'What's wrong? Did something happen at home? Should I walk him home just to be sure? Was it me? Maybe it really did bother him that I sat on his sheet.'

"Don't worry, I'm just going to go study with my friend Todoroki. He's second place in the junior class." He explained, sensing my curiosity.

"Did I say I was worried?" I replied coldly.

Izuku stood up and put everything back in his backpack. "Even the great Katsuki worries about other people sometimes. You called me simple-minded earlier so are you taking that back?"

"Of course not." I answered. "You're the kind of idiot who takes candy from strangers and gets in cars with randos. I'm going to walk you there."

Izuku smiled. "I don't want to bother you." He said.

"Too late." I replied, slipping my shoes back on.

He was meeting this Todoroki guy at a nearby café, it only took 15 minutes to walk there. "There's my friend." Izuku chimed happily, pointing to a boy about my height who wore red and white hair on top of heterochomias eyes. He was cool. He had handsome features and a pensive attitude. I felt that protective spirit welling in my chest and a twinge of frustration arose. My mind ran rampant with thoughts. 'Does Izuku really have friends like this? He's really cool. He must be really smart too. Is he nice to Izuku? I bet he doesn't yell at him like I do. How close are they?'

The greenette thanked me and told me to get home safely before jogging off to the candy-cane-haired junior. I watched curiously as the junior handed him an iced coffee. Izuku accepted it happily. 'Fuck'n prick.' I thought, snarling as I turned and left. I didn't understand where my frustration came from or why I even cared this much.

I saw Izuku the next morning before class. I wanted to ask about his tutoring session with Candy Cane but I restrained my curiosity. "Sup?" I asked, initiating a conversation with him for once.

He yawned and scratched his neck. "Tired. My brain got a good workout yesterday."

"I bet that's a new feeling." I teased.

"Hardy har, Mr. 44 out of 70." He responded dryly.

"What?" I asked.

"There's 70 students in the sophomore class and you're in forty-fourth place. You didn't know that?"

"What? No. How did you know that?"

He yawned again. "I've been watching your rank since I started tutoring you. You're rising steadily but still…"

"'But still' what!?" I growled, offended by his forwardness.

"Nothing, Kaachan, don't get upset. We're both trying our hardest so let's support each other, okay?" He said, making me think that maybe I was being too persistent with my teasing. 'Why do I care? That's how I talk to everyone." I thought. When I considered it, though, I realized that that wasn't really true. 'I don't say that kind of stuff to Kaminari and Kirishima though… I usually try to be a little politer. I guess… I do target Midoriya a little… shit… I didn't think he really noticed. What the hell? Why do I say that stuff to him but no one else?' I sat down in my seat, lost in thought.

Midoriya sat down beside me and laid his head down in his arms, resting. I snapped back into reality when Monoma entered the room. I was on edge, glaring at him so he could feel my hostility. He just smiled as he walked past me. Midoriya didn't notice or if he did, he managed to stay completely relaxed. I thought that was kind of weird. The green-eyed boy was usually hyper aware which I assumed was an aspect of his germ thing. It was just like yesterday when he sprawled out on my bed, more calm than I'd ever seen him. I thought back to what he had said. 'I wonder if he was really sincere back then… does it really help him calm down to have me around? How weird… but why? I asked him to trust me so I guess I can't be surprised if he does that.' Seeing that he had taken my request to heart, I felt the weight of his trust bearing down on me. I'd never had anyone actually depend on me like this. He was letting his guard down because of what I'd said. On one hand, it made me glad to see him less anxious but on the other hand, I feared my inadequacy.

'Can I really keep him safe?' I wondered. 'What if I promised more than I can give? If I fail and he gets hurt, it'll all be my fault. Why did I promise that? Why does my heart sincerely want to protect him? Is it just because of his innocence and kindness? Are there other reasons?' Thankfully, the lecture started and I was able to escape my thoughts. Recently, I had been thinking too much. It was exhausting. The only time I had a clear head anymore was when Izuku and I were together and alone. I could see him just feet away so I didn't have to worry that I wasn't keeping him safe like I had promised. Those times were the only times when I could just turn my brain off and finally get some peace.

I let Izuku come up to the roof with me for lunch to avoid any harassment but when it was time to walk home, he had different plans. "Sorry, but can I call a rain check again today? I'm meeting Todoroki for tutoring."

I was surprised by his request and a little frustrated too. "I don't care." I lied.

"Thanks, Kaachan. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah."

We parted ways. I didn't at all understand how I felt. I always assumed that us hanging out was a mutually desired activity. I got tutoring and he got social interaction but… was I wrong? He didn't really tutor me anymore and he was getting his social interaction from someone else now so… why were we hanging out then? We didn't need that time together anymore. It should feel like breaking a contract and nothing else but somehow… I still had skin in the game. Some part of me still wanted that time together. I started snapping the rubber band vigorously to deal with this tidal wave of emotions that I didn't understand.

'And why the hell did he accept that coffee?' I wondered, my cheeks hot with frustration. 'I thought he had a thing about germs but now that I think about it… that only applies when we're together. He eats a school lunch and drinks coffee from the café but when we're at my house, he doesn't eat anything that he doesn't bring for himself. What the hell is up with that!? He acts all relaxed around me but he can't even eat my food? Does he think I'm dirty?

He pisses me off so much. Fuck him. Why did he ask me if he was my best friend when the feeling obviously wasn't mutual? Was he trying to embarrass me? Did he get a power trip out of it? Katsuki, the kid who doesn't give anyone his whole heart, was tricked into getting a best friend? Fuck him… fuck him!'

My wrist stung as if I had been strung by a scorpion. I looked down and realized that the snapping had created red blotches beneath the surface of my skin. It seemed like I had lost control and ruptured some blood vessels. 'Why… Why does Midoriya get me all messed up like this? He's the most destructive parasite to ever exist…' I thought.

"Deku…" I mumbled aloud. "That should be your name. Some parasites are good, like birds on hippos. They help the host. Other parasites are useless, like you. You take root then all you do is drain your host and mess everything up."

I noticed a chubby, green, caterpillar mindlessly crossing the sidewalk in front of me. It naively marched on toward the busy road. "You're just like him too." I accused. "So innocent and brave but optimistic to a fault… I hate you." I poised my foot above the caterpillar, ready to crush it. It would be a mercy killing. This poor caterpillar wasn't prepared for the harshness of this world. He evolved when the world was green and humans hadn't yet made everything so inhospitable. He was doomed to march into busy streets over and over and over again… there was no helping the fact that his innocence made him completely inept for this world. I hesitated and ultimately, I couldn't follow through.

I was so confused and frustrated that I wanted to cry. I held it in as I gently picked up the idiotic bug and moved him into the bushes. 'Deku… what did you do to me and how?' I wondered. 'Nothing is how it used to be. I'm not even myself anymore… so why? Why did you do this to me?'

At home, I laid in bed and tried to meditate my thoughts away. I wanted peace and quiet. I didn't want these feelings anymore, they were driving me crazy. I achieved a stable meditation only to be pulled out of it by the sound of rain on my window. I sat up and looked out at the wet world. 'Where's Deku?' was my first thought. 'That candy cane asshole better not let him walk home like this. If he get's a cold, it'll be on my conscience. I was the one who promised to take responsibility for him…'

I got out of bed and closed my blinds before laying back down. 'He's fine. He's probably still studying. A cold isn't even a big deal, he's not a baby, he can deal with it.' I tried to meditate again but my thoughts were always drawn back to him. 'He didn't have an umbrella when he left school… shit… no! I'm not going! He can take care of himself!'

After twenty minutes, my thoughts became so annoying that there was no hope of meditating. I got up from bed, hating myself for letting myself become so internally manipulated by the green-haired boy. I put on my tennis shoes and grabbed an umbrella. I walked along the path to the café and surely enough, I found him alone and wet. When I met eyes with him, the hatred I had piled up in my heart for him sank away. "Kaachan?" his little voice asked. "What are you doing out here?"

It began to pour harder. Izuku was already completely soaked through and his hair hung down like a drenched mop. I stepped closer to shield him under the umbrella. Every fiber in my being told me to protect him. The warmth that came from our bodies being so close relaxed me. "Where's Half n' Half?" I asked, my voice gentle but dominant.

"He left an hour ago. His sister called him home, it seemed important." He explained.

"Izuku… are you trying to piss me off?" I asked.

Those wide emerald eyes looked up to me, shocked and confused. "What? Of course not."

"Then why does it always happen? You call me your hero then you put yourself in situations like this… do you like to see me worried?"

"You were worried, Kaachan?"

"I worry all the time… it's infuriating. If you weren't such a good person, I wouldn't have to worry like this."

"I'm sorry…"

"That's exactly it! You apologize for being a good person. People like you don't belong in this world. You trust so easily and you move towards people without hesitation. How am I supposed to keep you from getting hurt? Stop calling me your hero, it's too much of a burden to bear."

The boy stepped closer so I could feel his breath. "But… I want to get hurt sometimes." He said. I locked eyes with him. It felt like my heart was out of me, just resting in the open, vulnerable and weak. "When people hurt us, we learn about them and ourselves. We see life in more color. Living a life without pain is so dull. It's easy but not fulfilling. You've hurt me before, Kaachan, but I don't mind. Because of that, I get to see you in full color while everyone else only sees black and white."

I felt my heart leak out of me and seep into Midoriya. The parasite had finally taken everything. My mind was too numb to think so my body took the initiative. I leaned forward and rested my forehead on his shoulder. I could smell him… I could feel his body's heat against mine… I felt this fluffy hair tickling the back of my neck. I wanted this… I wanted it so badly.

Midoriya's phone jingled, alerting the shocked boy of an incoming call. "Don't answer it…" I whispered against his ear. The jingling eventually ceased and we continued to stand there together, all the water that the sky could hold falling around us like a heavenly shower.

"Kaachan…" A soft voice whispered, slipping into my ears with ease. "You're my hero even when you're not around… just knowing you has made my life better. You're still the coolest hero ever, no matter what."

I stood up straight, looking at him. "Come on… I'll walk you home." I said.

He smiled and suddenly, everything was alright again. I could feel that my chest was remarkably light now. I guess I really had lost my heart… it was gone and I didn't know how to get it back.

We walked in silence, the rushing of the rain doing all the talking for us. When we arrived at his house, he looked me over, noticing my drenched shoes and pants. "You got so wet…" he mentioned.

I looked around. "It's raining." I pointed out.

He rolled his eyes and chuckled. "Kaachan, come in for a minute. I'll lend you a pair of rainboots."

I took a deep breath and started to regain myself, slowly moving out of my hypnotic state and back into my body. "Are you sure about that? I'm dirty, right?"

"Huh? You're not dirty." He said, confused by my statement.

"Lying just annoys me, Izuku."

"I'm not lying." He defended, sounding offended.

"Then how come you drank that coffee that Candy Cane gave you but you can't have a glass of water at my house?"

He finally understood what I meant. He chuckled lightly, making my blood boil. What was so funny!? "Kaachan, you're so backwards. Is that how you think it is? Come in out of the rain and I'll tell you the truth, okay?"

I begrudgingly entered the house. I was still pissed about the fact that he laughed at something that was causing me so much distress. Midoriya squatted down and pulled off my shoes, replacing them with a pair of slippers. I forgot my anger an instead blushed. He was acting like a butler or a mother. I dismissed it as excessive hospitality. "That feels better, right? Being uncomfortable makes it harder to smile." He said with a smile of his own. My usual fire was dulled.

He led me through his ginormous, expensively decorated, house until we ended up in the kitchen. He pulled a mug out of the cabinet that was shaped like Captain America's head. It was unbelievably tacky but still, he held it with care and affection. "To apologize for this misconception, I'll make your tea in my favorite mug."

"Don't you think you're going a little overboard?" I grumbled, trying to play it cool.

"I want to give you something special because you also gave me something special just now." He replied, setting down the mug and placing a caste iron teapot over the stove's flame.

"Hey, I'm keeping that umbrella." I corrected.

He laughed again. "Not the umbrella, it's all yours. You gave me… hmm, how can I put it? You gave me a feeling that I like a lot."

"A feeling? You gotta be kidding me." I rolled my eyes.

"Roll your eyes all you want, you gave it now you can't take it back. I'm storing it away so that, if I'm ever feeling down, I can pull it out and smile again."

"Sometimes you say the stupidest things." I commented.

"Sometimes you think the stupidest things too." He replied. "What reason do you have to be jealous of Todoroki? You're obviously my favorite, I thought you knew that."

My face flushed. "Th-then how come-"

"The coffee thing? Remember how I told you that I'm uncomfortable all day long? I'm uncomfortable because I force myself to deal with things I don't like. I don't want to hurt anyone's feeling or make them worry or cause them to think I'm weird. Just like you, I'm not being my whole self at school. When it's just you and me, I'm not afraid that you'll think I'm weird or that I'll offend you. I know that you understand so I can be my regular, germophobic, self." He explained. Why had I ever been so bothered? The answer was right in front of me yet I drove myself crazy with jealousy.

"You don't know how good it feels to just be able to say what's bothering me." He continued. "I'm never honest about those feelings. I don't even tell my mom when I'm uncomfortable because she worries and I don't want to be a burden. I don't feel that way with you. Even though you sometimes say I'm a burden… I don't think that's true. Whenever we're together, we're both relaxed and having fun. I think you're just stressed but I'm about to cure that with this tea."

He poured water into my mug from the kettle, using a thick towel to lift the pot before he scooped what looked like an expensive matcha powder into it. He pushed the cup across the counter to me then went to move the kettle onto an unheated burner without the protective towel. In a moment, he yelped and dropped the heavy pot of boiling water onto the ground with a terrible noise.

"Deku!" I yelled, bursting forth from my place to grab his wrists. He was crying like a child from the pain. I examined the red, raw, flesh then led him to sit down at his kitchen table. "Is your mom home?" I asked, squatting as I tried to meet his eyes. He shook his head as he sobbed. I couldn't stand the noises he was making, they pulled at my heart. "Hey, Izuku, look at me. Come on, look at me." I said. His watery eyes finally met mine. "It's okay. The bad thing already happened. It's over and it's going to be okay now." I coaxed. My mom always said that to me when I hurt myself as a kid. "Be brave now, okay?"

He nodded, his lips closing tightly. I rewarded him with a kind, authentic, smile. "Yeah, just like that. You look almost as cool as me." I teased lightly. He smiled the tiniest bit. I reached up and swiped each of his cheeks once with my palm. They were so warm and wet.

I remembered a hero in one of Midoriya's comics saying, 'When people can't see what the future holds, the thing that will settle their hearts most is a plan.' I decided to try that. "Now, I'm going to help you get up and we're going to go to the sink and then you're going to rinse your hand." I said. He nodded, his breathing calming down.

I helped him to the sink and left him there as I searched around in his bathroom for antibiotic cream. In a few minutes, his hand had been carefully wrapped and the tears were gone. "Kaachan…?" the boy said, looking over his mummied glove.

"Yeah?" I asked, sipping my tea. We had moved to the couch to be more comfortable.

"Before… you said 'deku'… what did that mean?"

I blushed. "Ah… it's nothing, just a sound."

"Tell the truth." He insisted.

"It's… a nickname I came up with for you in my head. It just slipped out." I though he'd be depressed to have such an awful nickname. Instead, he responded with a big awe-struck smile.

"So… even though you tease me… you've always been cheering me on too!" He exclaimed, making me realize that Deku meant both 'useless' and 'you can do it'. I wondered if I should correct him but he had already adopted the name. "Kaachan, call me that out loud from now on. It makes me happy."

"Are you sure?"

He nodded enthusiastically. "Knowing you're rooting for me makes me feel stronger."

I turned up a corner of my mouth. "Yeah, okay." I said, finishing off the tea. "I should take off." I added and checked the clock on my phone. It was already 5 pm.

When I stood up, a little hand darted out behind me and gripped onto my shirt. "Wait…" His soft voice spoke up. "Can you stay a while? I have a headache and Mom won't be home until 7:15…"

"Take some medicine." I suggested.

"I know but… I just don't want to be alone. Can you stay? When Mom comes home, I'll ask our driver to take you back."

He was acting especially desperate. Was it because he was hurt? My parents wouldn't be home until closer to nine or ten so I sat back down. Deku had completely changed me, I wasn't who I used to be anymore. I was a lot me agreeable and docile and kind. I wondered if I was always like this deep down or if he had created a new side of me.

He smiled at me. "Thanks. I'll make you another cup of tea." He stood up and now it was my turn to grab his shirt.

"No, you won't, Idiot. You need at least one good hand to take that test on Friday and kick Monoma's ass, right? Sit down, I'll do it." I said, feigning annoyance. His eagerness was actually kinda cute. I got up, made two cups of tea, and dug out the Frankenstein book from his backpack. I sat the mugs on the coffee table, giving him the Captain America one to cheer him up, then tossed the book into his lap and sat back down.

He smiled at the book. "You like it?" He asked.

"No, you didn't study much with Candy Cane today. All I'm saying is you're not off the hook. Read."

He opened the book and began to read it aloud to me. I was so exhausted from all the thinking I had been doing that day that I soon felt my consciousness slipping away from me. I'm not sure when I fell asleep, I hardly remembered the book at all. Deku didn't wake me. In fact, when I was woken up by his mom, we had both fallen asleep slumped against each other.

I was pretty embarrassed about that. I didn't even make that much physical contact with my mom. I guess Deku was right, we were different people when we were together. Mrs. Midoriya thanked me for wrapping Deku's hand, which just embarrassed me more.

I tried to refuse but Deku finally talked me into letting their driver take me home. I didn't want to talk to the 50-year-old stranger so on the car ride, I just looked out the window at the dark, rainy sky. It seemed really pretty to me. Lights from passing buildings were reflected on the puddle-ridden sidewalk and the asphalt road glittered.

At home, I went immediately to my room to change my still wet pants. After pulling up a new pair, I spotted the bunny figure poised on my desk. With one finger, I gently tapped its head, forgiving it for making me so angry. "You're not all that bad." I told the bunny. "Sorry I yelled at you. Sometimes… it just happens when I don't know what to say."

It was easier to talk to this little figure than the real boy. "I know it's hard but try not to get too angry with me, okay? I don't like it when I make you upset but I end up doing it anyways, I guess. What I'm most afraid of is making you so angry that you won't want to hang out with me or talk to me anymore. I don't like thinking about that so… just do me a favor and try to forgive me often, okay?"

I knew he had too much of me… It was scary to give so much of yourself to another person. The idea of him growing to hate me or abandoned me shook me down to my core. I didn't even want to think about it. On the other hand, the idea of him returning my affection and smiling at me with those vibrant eyes made me want to jump and laugh.

It was just as Deku said. It was as if I was living in a black and white world before and now, I was finally realizing the colors.


	5. War

The next morning at school, Iida approached me before class began. Although I thought his eagerness to please and justice-centered personality was pretty pathetic, at least he was genuine. I liked that he actually cared about people rather than just pretending to like everyone else did. "Bakugo-san," He greeted.

I looked up at him tiredly from my desk. "Hm?" I grunted.

"Could you collect the fieldtrip dues as people start coming in?" He held out a manila envelope to me. I accepted it with a bored face.

"Don't I even get paid for these duties?" I asked. Iida didn't know how to answer. "Kidding, I'm kidding." I said. He sighed and smiled.

"Thanks, Bakugo-san." He said.

"Sure." I replied. I got up from my seat and began collecting from the students who were already in class. Most of them simply pulled out their wallets and extracted big number bills without a second thought. I counted the money, put it in the envelope, and checked off their names. When I got to Uraraka, she gave me the embarrassed smile that I was already expecting.

"I don't have it all together yet." She explained, handing me a bill that accounted for only a third of the cost. I took it and marked down what she had paid. I was going to move on to the next student but I couldn't just let her sit there and feel bad.

"I'm not paying all of mine today either." I explained. "I talked to Mr. Mori, he said it's okay so long as it comes in by tomorrow so I'm sure he won't mind if you need to pay a little later too." I told her. She smiled, feeling more relaxed.

"I didn't know there were students like you two here." A voice behind me said. I turned around and saw Monoma smiling at me from his desk. I bared my teeth at him. He just kept smiling calmly. "I bet it's kind of tiring to have to pretend to fit in all the time. Probably not as tiring as working three jobs to send your kid to school, though. I'm assuming that's the circumstance. Am I right? Hm… by the looks on your faces, I guess I am."

"There's nothing shameful about hard work." Uraraka replied resentfully.

"Huh? Did I say it was shameful? Don't put works in my mouth, Ochaco-chan. At least now we can see how you really feel."

"Hey!" I barked. I wanted to use every curse in the book on him but I had my own reputation to uphold too. "Yeah, my parents work hard but they were never too busy to teach me manners, unlike yours."

Monoma laughed. "You're a witty guy, aren't you, Kacchan? Too bad smarts don't go far for people without money. After all, you can't fight hunger. You get desperate, you make bad choices, you hurt people. It's only nature, Kacchan."

"Don't act like you know me!" I barked. "And I never said you could call me that!"

"Oh, that's right. That name is special for Izuku, right?" He asked with a suspicious smile. "I'm curious, just what kind of a relationship do you have with Izuku?"

I took a deep breath. Instead of blowing up like I usually would, I turned his own tactics back on him, imitating his calm aggression. "Could it be that… you don't know what a friendship looks like, Monoma-kun? That's kind of sad… Have you never had friends before? I wonder what you're doing wrong. Maybe it's that scary face of yours or that rancid personality."

I succeeded in breaking Monoma's cool façade for a moment. It was like his glass barrier suddenly formed a crack and his craziness showed through for a brief second before he fixed his face, his smile returning. He reached his wallet. "I'll pay the whole sum now. Should I pay your fee while I'm at it too? Here. There's no shame in depending on charity from your peers."

I took the money, counted out his fee, then dropped the extra bills he gave me on the floor before marking his name as paid. I walked over the bills on my way to the next cluster of students. Lastly, I went to Midoriya's desk where he sat with his head down in his arms, resting. I nudged him, causing him to raise his head. "Hey, how's your hand?" I asked.

"Good." He smiled brightly as he showed me the mummy limb. "My mom took me to the doctor after you left. He told me to thank you for taking care of it so well so, thank you, Kacchan."

I nodded in acknowledgment. "Be more careful. Next time, I'll be really angry."

He nodded back. "Okay, I will. What's the envelope for? Oh, are you collecting the fieldtrip dues? I have the money, one sec." He dug around in his bag then held up a card. "Can I pay with this?"

I sneered. "Does this look like the Ritz hotel to you? Cash only, Fancy Boy."

"I don't have any today." He admitted.

"Just bring it to me tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, Kacchan."

I nodded again, sitting at my seat and slipping the folder into my backpack. I still had to collect from 2B. Each grade had about 70 students so the classes were split in half. After lunch, both classes came together into a larger classroom for the last few classes of the day.

Mr. Mori started class. Deku was having a hard time taking notes so Iida was asked to share his. The day was relatively normal. I ate lunch with Midoriya on the rooftop and collected dues from everyone in the class before returning the envelope to my backpack. All that was left to do was bring the folder into the administrative office. After the last class, Iida approached me with his notebook. "Bakugo-san, I have an unofficial favor to ask you." He said, his voice low and secretive. "It seems Uraraka had an argument with a classmate this morning and she's a little upset about it. I need to take her home. Can you scan the notes from today in the resource room so Midoriya-san has a copy?"

I looked down at the notebook. Was I the class errand boy now? I would have refused except that it was for Deku. I had to help him do well on that Friday test, I said I would. I nodded and took the notebook. "Don't get used to all these favors, okay?" I warned.

He offered me a deep bow. "I appreciate it very much, Bakugo-san." He said before leaving. I sighed and took the notebook to the resource room, leaving my backpack in the classroom with Midoriya. The school had an onsite electronics lab on par with NASA. When I returned, Midoriya was focusing hard on his textbook, tuned out completely to the outside world.

"Yo, Deku, let's go." I said, picking up my backpack. He didn't hear me. I stepped closer and pulled the highlighter out of his hand, finally getting his attention. He looked up.

"Oh, Kacchan, you're back. Okay, I'm ready." He said, putting away the textbook and dawning his own backpack.

We stopped by the office on our way out. I unzipped my bag and felt for the envelope but I couldn't feel it. I looked in, flipping through all the contents of my bag once then again and again. I felt my blood go cold. "Kacchan? What's wrong?" Izuku asked.

I squatted down and dumped my bag onto the ground, looking through everything as my horror grew. Midoriya squatted down and looked through it all with me. We packed my backpack back up and returned to the classroom to search for it. "I'm fucked." I said, frantically checking every surface. "I'm so totally fucked! Shit! It was in my backpack, I'm sure of it!"

"Calm down, Kacchan. We'll find it." Deku said, searching with me. "Where's the last place you had it?" He asked.

"In my goddamn bag! I only took it out to collect money and I never left-" I realized something. "Deku, did anyone open my backpack while I was getting copies?" I asked.

"No! Well… actually, I don't know… I had my eyes somewhere else…"

"Dammit! That shifty-eyed little fucker!" I yelled at the wall, my fists clenched tight.

Deku looked scared. "I-I'm sorry."

I glanced at him and realized I needed to calm down. I took a few deep breaths. "It's not you, Deku, It's that Monoma guy. I'd bet my life that he took it." I said. "We exchanged some words this morning. How could I be so dumb? Of course he would do something like this, I made it so easy for him."

"You think he did this?"

"I know he did. Shit…" I did the math in my head. "Everyone but you, Uraraka, and I paid in full so that means… I lost about 450,000 yen…" The color drained from my face. What if I couldn't get back? Would I be expelled? Sued? Would my parents have to pay it? We would have to take out a loan.

I didn't realize I was trembling until I felt Deku grip my arms. "Calm down." He demanded sternly, snapping me out of it. "I-I'll find Monoma and convince him to give it back."

"You're not going within five feet of that psycho." I replied.

"But I wanna help!" He complained.

"I'm your hero, right? I don't want you associated with this at all. As it is, if I get in trouble for this, they'll drag down Iida too. I wouldn't be able to handle it if you also got in trouble. I'm your hero, it would be the opposite of what I promised."

"Kacchan, you need as much help as you can get. If you don't get it back, you won't be able to be my hero anyways because you'd be expelled. Look… Katsuki, let me pay it."

I rolled my eyes and shrugged his grip off. "You don't have that kind of money either. I know you're rich but nobody pulls 450,000 yen out of their back pocket except, I guess, Monoma."

"I'll ask my dad to help me out. I can do it. You can't get expelled, Kacchan."

"Deku… I'm being serious… Don't pay it."

"Why not?" He asked desperately.

"I don't want to be the poor kid. I don't want you to see me as someone who needs your pity. I never try to exploit you for your money so don't make me feel weak because of my poverty."

"I wasn't trying to make you feel weak."

"I know you weren't but if you pay for my mistake, then that's how I'll feel. I want to take care of this myself. You put your faith in me before so do it again this time."

He bit his bottom lip. I could read his eyes. He wanted to help, he wanted to do something. Eventually, he gave up and nodded. "Okay… I trust you. Promise you won't leave school, okay?"

I nodded. "I won't."

I walked him home but denied his invitation inside. I wanted some time alone to think about what to do. I had promised that this wouldn't end with my expulsion but I didn't have one plan yet that avoided that reality. There was no way Monoma would just hand me the money unless I beat him bloody but that was the old me. I didn't want Deku to think I was that kind of person. He thought I was a hero.

I tried to think of what I could say to Mr. Mori as I walked in silence. "Kacchan~" A voice called. I turned around. Speak of the devil. I hadn't even realized that he had been following me. "Do you walk Izuku home every day? How cute~"

I scowled. "I suppose you're not here to give me back the money."

"Hm? Well… how much would you give to get it back?"

"Are you trying to blackmail me? I'm not that easily frightened."

"Everyone has their price. What would you give to stay in the school your parents are working so hard to send you to?"

I snarled, closing my fists tight. "And what if I just started smashing your head into the pavement? Then I would have the upper hand in this negotiation, right?"

"You think that brutally attacking a classmate would help you avoid expulsion? Besides, I see how you transform from a wolf to a lap dog in front of Izuku. He's never going to love you back if you break that charade." He said. Every fiber of my being wanted to pummel him. I wanted to throw my fists into him and break his bones. I trembled from the strain of holding back. "You're not attacking me right now because you know I'm right, right? You want to keep him by your side. That secret is just between us."

He wasn't right… but I didn't know if he was wrong either. "What the fuck do you want?" I spat in a venomous voice.

"Just the same thing I've wanted since coming to your class, to be number one. It's that simple."

"How the fuck am I supposed to make you smarter?"

"Don't be ridiculous. I know I'm not the smartest person in the class. I'm not even smarter than Izuku but that's not what the game is about. It's about getting to the top by any means necessary, even if you have to pull down your competition. That's all I'm asking you to do. Help Izuku flunk the test on Friday. Easy, right?"

I couldn't believe this guy. I had never met someone so destructively determined and impervious to others. Even I cared about people, I new the limits, I knew when to stop. Monoma seemed to have no concept of that. He used whatever tools were at his disposal and hurt who ever he needed to in his tunnel-vision race towards his goals. "I can't make Izuku flunk. He's too smart. He's going to ace it, no matter what."

"It's easier than you think. There's a hundred things you could do. You could tell him you don't want to be his friend anymore that morning, you could get him to ingest a low dose of hallucinogenics, you could-"

"Stop! I'm not doing anything like that. He's going to ace that test and I'm not letting anything get in the way of that."

"So you want to play hero, then? Okay… just so you know, this'll be the last chance you have to protect him. Once you're expelled, I'll just get other pawns and I'll pull him down all the same. It's fine. Getting rid of you was also something on my list, I'll just switch around the plan a little."

Just being near him made my soul recoil in disgust. "Something is really wrong with you…" I said, thinking out loud.

"I know. All those feelings people have that hold them back like love, guilt, righteousness, empathy… they don't mean anything to me. I don't get caught in all that pathetic human mess because I can see above it all. But enough about me, Kacchan. All I'm here for is your decision. Are you going to help me or pathetically cling to your warped sense of justice?"

I stared him dead in the eyes and annunciated my response perfectly. "See you in hell."

Monoma just shrugged. "My phone number is in your backpack. Call if you want to change your mind." With that, he turned around and walked back in the direction of the school. I continued home, checking over my shoulder multiple times. I wasn't often scared but Monoma truly frightened me. He really would destroy everything in his wake by any means possible to get what he wanted. I had no idea how to protect Deku. Maybe the best thing for him was just to give up and get out of Monoma's way. If I made him flunk that test, at least he wouldn't be a target anymore. And I would be able to stay by his side to protect him. No… that was too optimistic. Monoma would probably continue to target me because of our colliding personalities.

'He's been studying so hard… I couldn't take this away from him. This is his battle against Monoma. But my parents… For the first time, I'm doing well at a school. If I throw this away, I'll just disappoint them again. And I promised Deku that I'd stay at school. What if I can't see him anymore? Why does that thought hurt more than the others?' I wondered. I slept fitfully that night and arrived at school the next morning just as helpless and vulnerable as before.

Deku was already at his desk, fidgeting nervously. I didn't make eye contact with him as I walked straight up to Mr. Mori's desk and bowed ninety degrees. "Mr. Mori, I lost the fieldtrip money." I confessed with a clear and solid voice. I heard Deku gasp. My heart sank. 'I'm sorry… I wanted to stay but more than that… I want to protect you.' I thought as Mr. Mori scolded me harshly in front of the class. The words weren't really sinking in, I just continued to bow over and over.

I never wanted things to be like this. Just last week, I was cool and popular. Now here I was, doing something so degrading. "Apologize to your classmates too." Mr. Mori commanded in a hard voice.

I turned to face the classroom. "I sincerely apologize for my thoughtlessness. I've made a horrible mistake that has costed you all greatly. Although I was given the task by Iida-san, his judgement is not at all to be blamed. Previous to this incident, I had always performed the tasks he asked of me well. Please do not reflect any of your anger on him, this was my mistake and mine alone. I apologize sincerely, please forgive me." I announced in a monotone voice. I had prepared this apology last night. I bowed over and over again as my classmates muttered.

"Really? How annoying!" Someone said. "What about the fieldtrip? I was really looking forward to it!" Another added. "Nice going." Someone sneered. "Shouldn't Bakugo-san have to pay back what he lost?" A classmate asked. "Are you crazy? He can't afford that. He's dirt poor." Another replied. Standing there and receiving their words with complacency felt like being stoned. I didn't dare look up to the crowd, fearing that I would see Deku's expression. I could only imagine how upset he must be.

Mr. Mori ordered me to take my backpack and go immediately to the principal's office. I bowed once more in acknowledgment before rushing out of the room. The office was a small room with the principal's desk and a couch where I sat with my head down as he called my parents. They both had to come in from work.

"What's going on?" Mom asked, arriving first.

"Mrs. Bakugo, your son Katsuki was tasked with collecting class 2's fieldtrip dues but he confessed this morning that he lost all the money." The principal informed her.

She looked at me, confused and shocked. "You… you just lost an envelope?" She asked. I nodded. She looked to the principal. "Sir, kids lose things all the time. Can't he just say he's sorry? W-we can replace some of the money."

"Mrs. Bakugo, your son lost about 450,000 yen." He said.

She went pale. "Th-that much? There must be a mistake…"

"There's no mistake. As you can understand, this is a grave offense against the school that cannot simply be forgiven. We are asking that full reparations to be made for Katsuki to continue studying here."

My Dad entered the office. He was quickly informed of the situation. The horror befell his face as well when he heard the amount. "I don't know how we would find that much money…" He looked to me. "Does it really have to be this school? I mean, I know you like it better than the other schools but we still haven't tried that place your cousin goes to in Akihabara."

I felt like absolute garbage. All I could do as a son was cause my parents anxiety and pain. I shook my head. My eyes were stinging but I held back the tears with all my might. "We've tried so many places already. I think now… it's time I set my sights on finding a good job and supporting the family."

"But Katsuki…" My mom said.

"It's okay, really." I replied. "I gave it my best shot but I can't do it. I want to find a job-"

The principal's door burst open with a wham, drawing all of our eyes to the panting, teary-eyed, green-haired boy. "Sir, please don't make him leave!" He yelled, bowing deeply. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

"Midoriya Izuku, what is this about!? Why aren't you in class!?" The principal asked, outraged.

"Katsuki Bakugo is an invaluable asset to class 2, sir! The only reason I'm third place in class 2 is because Bakugo diligently tutors me every day. He always does little chores to help out in class and he stands up for students when they're being bullied. Without him, you're sure to see more hostility between the students and I know that my grades will also suffer. So please, don't expel him!"

I wanted to be angry at Deku for so blatantly disregarding my instructions but instead, I was just happy. I didn't think I needed saving until he showed up. I didn't think I needed approval until he gave me his. I didn't think I needed to be loved until I was loved by him.

The principal looked to me. "Do you really tutor Midoriya-san?" He asked me.

I gave a little nod. "We tutor each other." I replied quietly.

"Well… you may be an academic asset to your class but a debt like this can't simply be dissolved. My judgement remains the same. The debt must be repaid first. "

I knew that, even if I sold everything I owned, I wouldn't be able to pay it. My mom put her hand on my shoulder. "Katsuki… are you really okay with leaving this school?" She looked to Izuku who stared at me with begging eyes. Those eyes pulled my heart from my chest.

"No… I don't want to go…" I answered finally. Every molecule of me wanted to stay. I wanted to see that green-haired boy everyday and read that stupid monster book with him and listen to him go on and on about Captain America. I wanted to stay.

My mom sighed deeply. "We can find a way to pay it… But we'll need some time." She said.

"The fieldtrip is scheduled for Friday through Saturday this week. The dues need to be paid today by the end of the day to reserve the lodging."

My family and I fell silent. There was no way to do that. We had only about a tenth of the full amount at our disposal and there was no time to get a loan. "Kacchan…" Midoriya's little voice called out. "Let me…"

"No." I replied sternly.

"Put your pride aside for a moment and just let me help you." He countered.

"Deku, no." I repeated, staying firm.

My mom nudged me. "Katsuki, what does he mean?"

"I-I can pay back the dues, ." Izuku explained.

"Oh… you would do that for Katsuki?" She asked, shocked.

"Mom, no!" I protested.

"Well… Katsuki, I know you don't like the idea but don't see any other way around it. Still, it's your decision."

I shook my head. "No. I don't want that."

Deku's eyes watered and his brows pinched together angrily. "You promised you would stay! Is it really that bad to accept help? Kacchan… you know me. You know I won't judge you or make you feel bad about it so just keep your promise and stay, okay?"

I met his eyes. Again, my heart was pulled out of me. I didn't want to go but to accept such a huge favor from him… things would never be the same. I wanted things to stay how they were, I wanted to feel like his equal. But there was no other option… If I didn't accept, I wouldn't be his classmate anymore… my heart hurt so horribly.

Just as I opened my mouth to respond, there was a knock on the door. It opened easily and there stood Monona, smiling innocently. I saw my mom get the chills. "Oh, everyone's here?" He said, letting himself in. "What good timing. I'd just like to say that I've found the envelope, Sir."

I clenched my teeth. I was both incredibly relieved but also extremely suspicious. Not even a brick would be dumb enough to believe that Monoma had a change of heart. I knew he was planning something, I just didn't know what and that's what scared me the most. "Th-th-the envelope with the money in it?" My dad stuttered in utter surprise. "That's amazing! What a blessing."

My mom was a little more intuitive than my dad and knew not to trust Monoma so easily. She smiled politely. "Thank you so much." She said.

He smiled back. "It's nothing. I just thought Bakugo-san must have forgotten it in the resource room when he went to make copies so I checked and surely enough, I was able to find it."

"Well, this is great." The principal replied. "Bakugo is lucky to have a classmate like you. You seem to already be fitting in to your class really well, Monoma-san." The principal looked to me. I was scowling. "Wouldn't you like to thank Monoma-san?" He asked.

Monoma smiled at me expectantly. We stared each other down for a solid minute before I grumbled "Thanks".

The principal was clearly not impressed by my insincerity. "What's with that attitude?" He asked. "Aren't you thankful at all that Monoma-san cleaned up your mess after you had been so irresponsible and thoughtless?"

I just nodded. I was starting to understand his goal. It was never about the money, he didn't need it. This whole thing was about besting me, it was all revenge for our little scuffle yesterday Monday morning. I couldn't believe anyone would go so far over something so insignificant. I wished it were just Monoma and myself in the room so I could grab his head and smash it against the wall.

"I won't tolerate such an arrogant attitude at my school, Young Man. The students at this school are known for their proper moral upbringing and responsible attitudes. You've shown that you have neither." The principal scolded.

My dad nudged me a little forcefully, prompting me to quickly apologize and beg forgiveness just like Monoma wanted. "I'm sorry, Sir, He's still a little shaken up over all of this." My dad said. "Our Katsuki really does have proper manners, I swear. Please try to understand. Katsuki has been through a lot today, he's not himself."

I hated that my dad was apologizing for me. Even worse, he was apologizing in front of that psycho. I hated him… I hated his guts. What I hated most was that, no matter how hard I tried, he always had the upper hand.

"I understand that Bakugo-san must be under some emotional stress but that doesn't change my expectation of my students," The principal said. "I expect nothing less than proper manners and a sense of responsibility. For that reason, I expect him to explain everything to his class, apologize formally, and sincerely thank Monoma-san."

I cringed. In front of the class? It was practically Monoma's wet dream. It was humiliating and infuriating. 'No, I refuse!' I thought. 'He doesn't get that. He doesn't deserve my gratitude at all, I'd rather accept Deku's money.' I pondered that a moment. 'No… No, I'd rather be humiliated in front of someone I hate than someone I care about. I don't care what he thinks of me. I don't care if I lose to him if it means things can stay the same between Deku and I.' I finally nodded. "Okay. I'm ready. Let's go." I said.

The principal thanked my parents for coming in and dismissed them. He and Monoma walked ahead of Izuku and I as we all headed back to the classroom together. "Deku…" I whispered lowly as we walked, causing him to look to me curiously. "Go to the bathroom." I ordered, my voice too quiet to be heard by the others.

"Huh? Why?" He asked.

"Just do it, okay? Just five minutes…" I bit my bottom lip, the next word hard to speak. "Please."

He didn't understand but he agreed. He informed the principal with a small bow before leaving in the direction of the restroom. I didn't want him to see this. I didn't want to be humiliated in front of him, I wanted to keep being his hero.

The principal stood in the back of the classroom as I took center stage. I took a deep breath. 'I don't care what he thinks of me… I can do this. It's just acting.' I reminded myself as I began to speak.

"I am sincerely sorry to all of you for my thoughtlessness and irresponsibility. I'm glad to inform you all that the money has been found and no changes have been made to the fieldtrip plans." I looked to the back of the class. The principal was gesturing to Monoma who watched me with a big smile. I bowed low. "I am sincerely grateful to Monoma-san for finding the money and returning it to me." When I looked up, the principal made a rolling gesture with his finger to signal that I should keep going with my apology. Monoma was making the same gesture in front of his chest where the principal couldn't see it. His other hand held his phone. I had no doubt that he was recording this. I put my head back down to hide my scowl. "If it weren't for Monoma-san's diligence, we would all still be suffering from my mistakes. His thoughtfulness is what makes this fieldtrip possible. I am really, truly, grateful to Monoma-san." I looked up and the principal nodded approvingly to my speech. I sighed in relief. Each word I spoke carried a bitter, rotten, taste that covered my tongue completely and made my nauseous.

I slipped into my seat, thankful to be done with it. I had never been so embarrassed before… I had never let someone humiliate me like that. One thing had changed. I had something more important to me than my pride and he walked in just a minute after my speech was over. My pained heart lifted when he sat down next to me and my pride slowly began to bandage itself. I didn't care about what Monoma did because in the end, I was the winner. Deku was going to ace his test on Friday and I was going to be at his side while he did it. Those other things didn't matter. I had won.

When lunch time came, Deku and I went up to the roof. For the first time that day, I could breath. Nobody was staring at me and that psycho was nowhere to be seen. I took a deep breath of the fresh air and felt my muscles loosen. I looked to Deku and realized that his eyes were watery again. I was surprised. "Huh? Deku, what's up?"

"T-turn around." He requested in a small voice. My first thought was that, somehow, Monoma had followed us up here and was standing behind me. I quickly obliged, looking for him when I felt arms wrap around me and a little, warm weight against my back. Was this… a hug? Was Deku hugging me? Why? I didn't know what to think. "I'm glad you stayed…" Was all he said.

As odd as the situation was, I didn't feel like throwing him off or scolding him. It actually felt really nice. After feeling so vulnerable and weak and humiliated… I realized that I really, really, needed this. I needed to know that someone understood my hurting and that someone, just one person, empathized with me. I bit my bottom lip to hold back by emotions. I didn't feel alone. Someone understood… Some one cared.

Right then, I really was able to let go of the humiliation and hatred because I had kept the one thing I wanted more than anything else: Deku.


	6. Finding You (pt1)

Izuku, Uraraka, and I got our fieldtrip dues turned in on time and soon enough, Friday had come. We would have classes as usual then everyone would pack onto some busses and we would head up into the mountains. The trip was for our Earth science class so I assumed we were going to be doing… Earthy stuff. I wasn't completely sure, I didn't read the pamphlet. All I knew was that it was mandatory and expensive. The trip would account for ten percent of our grade in the class.

That morning, we had all brought our luggage and left it in a locked closet in the office for later. It was only one night so I had only brought a little drawstring bag. I was surprised to see how many people brought those big, expensive, rolling suitcases but I figured that was just normal for rich kids. I had learned to be constantly cautious of Monoma so I really didn't like the idea of leaving my luggage unattended. Just to be extra safe, I had one pair of pants and a shirt in my regular backpack.

"Hey Kaachan, do you have a seat buddy for the bus ride?" Izuku asked me as soon as I entered class that morning. I quirked my eyebrow at him.

"Is that even a real thing?" I asked boredly.

"Well, there's no assigned seats or anything but people are already choosing their seat buddies. I'm assuming you don't have one."

"With a name like that, I don't think I want one." I said, taking my seat.

"Well, if you don't care, then can I be your seat buddy?" He asked.

"Can you call it by a different name?"

"Wow, Mr. Katsuki is too cool to have a seat buddy." He teased. "What a strong, mature, man! None shall belittle him with cutesy nicknames and tomfoolery."

"Knock that off."

"Don't you ever laugh, Kacchan?" he asked. I shrugged. "What kind of movie do you think is funny?" He interrogated.

"No type specifically. When something is funny, it's funny." I explained.

Deku gave me a frustrated huff. "I'll make you laugh during the trip." He proclaimed.

"Don't try too hard. People are the least funny when they're trying too hard. Speaking of which, pull out a goddamn notebook and do some last-minute studying. There's only twenty minutes or less until the test."

"Agree to be my seat buddy first." He replied.

"Fine." I replied. I didn't know why he was being so fussy about it, I was going to sit with him anyways. We were always together. He was like a fifth limb to me.

Deku triumphantly pulled out his notes and started reading through them.

Of course, he aced the test, that wasn't surprising at all. What was surprising was that I did too. The grammar topics that we had studied so hard while reading that stupid monster book were perfectly aligned with the test. I easily pinpointed indirect object pronouns and used the past perfect tense seamlessly. While we were passing our tests up to the front, Midoriya glanced to me curiously. "How'd you do?" He whispered. I responded with a little smile, making him smile back. "Me too."

When it was time to get on the bus, Iida stood at the door to the bus and took attendance of each person before assigning them a row. Deku and I ended up having a bench right in the middle of the bus. It was so noisy. Everyone was yelling across the bus to their friends and jumping around despite Iida's feverous efforts to maintain order. I placed my earbuds in my ears and leaned against the window, looking out.

Ten minutes into the drive, I was nudged by Deku. I was surprised he had lasted that long. He motioned for me to pull out an earbud. "Can I listen too?" He asked.

His request completely shocked me. "Y'know… these things have been in my ears." I told him. "They have all sorts of crud on them."

He dug in his backpack before pulling out a sealed alcohol wipe. I rolled my eyes, handing him an earbud. He cleaned it thoroughly with the wipe, even pulling the silicon nub off to get it completely clean. He placed it in his ear and listened for a few moments. "I'm surprised… So this is the kind of music you like?" He asked.

I pinched my brows together. "Why does it surprise you? What did you think I'd listen to?"

"It's a lot gentler than I expected. I thought you'd be someone who likes metal or punk music."

"Do I give off that kind of impression?"

"At first. I think this kind of music suits you better. Hey, you're hungry, aren't you?" He asked. I shrugged. I had been hungry for over an hour now. "You always have a snack when you get home so I just figured." He went back into his back pack but this time brought out a little plastic bento. "I made it this morning so it's not warm anymore but it's probably still yummy."

I slouched down to inspect it, amazed but how perfectly prepared everything was. He had packed my favorite foods: pickled cabbage, a ham sandwich, and seasoned soy beans. I always thought that my first gift bento would be from a girlfriend. I could see why boys liked receiving these, it was a really thoughtful gift that you could eat.

"Is that a bento? How romantic~ It's like you guys are dating~" I recognized and hated that voice. He must've been in the seat behind us, peeking over the back of the bench. I sat back hard and fast, smacking the back of my head into his forehead, causing him to tumble back into his seat. I smirked.

"Oh, sorry. Was that you, Monoma-kun? Didn't you know you shouldn't be standing on the bus? Someone could bump into you." With that, I took the pair of chopsticks that had sat on top of the bento and dug in hungrily. It was really good and thinking about Deku putting it together for me made my heart feel warm.

I knew Monoma wasn't the kind to just forgive and forget. I'd probably have to deal with his revenge later. I just wanted to enjoy my food in peace.

Deku fell asleep on the two-hour bus ride. I really didn't care that he was leaning against me. If anything, I kind of liked it. He was being really cute today. I had always had a soft spot for cute things. As a kid, I always liked overly cutesy stuffed animals and toys. I remembered going to the store to buy an umbrella in first grade. My mom suggested one with the latest action heroes on it but I insisted on the pastel blue one that was decorated with chubby, little, otters. When I brought it to school, I was teased. After that, I refused to bring the umbrella with me and just wore a jacket instead. Those memories continued to embarrass me. I only watched the action cartoons on TV and only chose big, dragon-type, Pokémon when playing with my friends. I liked those boyish things too but still, I had a special place in my heart for cute things. Deku was definitely cute. The way he smiled and cheered everyone on and did thoughtful things for others made him just about the cutest person I'd ever met.

I woke him up when we arrived with a few silent nudges. He stared at me, completely confused. I could tell he was transitioning from dream to reality. "Did… did I fall asleep?" He asked, bewildered. I nodded. "What? So… That wasn't real?"

"What wasn't?" I asked.

"I dreamed that I gave you a bento I'd made for you." He said. I held up the empty container. "So that happened? Then what about the… the other part?"

"What other part?"

His face turned red. "W-wait. Tell me the last thing that happened before I fell asleep." I was getting suspicious. What other part? What did he dream about?

"I dunno. You were comparing DC and Marvel, I think."

"Oh… Oh, yeah I remember that." He said with a nod.

"What was the other part?" I asked again.

"Huh? Oh… I dreamed that there was this big sea monster and Captain America came and he totally destroyed it." He explained.

I knew that was a lie because that was a real dream he had that he told me about a week ago. I just nodded suspiciously and stood up to stretch. The place where we were staying at looked like some sort of ski retreat. It was a large wooden building with three divisions. In the central building, there was a big communal hall with a kitchen, dining area, and lounge area. The East building held housing for boys while the left was reserved for girls. The dorms themselves were not too tight but not too private either. Each room had two sets of bunkbeds. The baths were located outside in a communal fashion. We were all instructed to put our luggage in our rooms then come downstairs for a lecture in the dining area.

I ended up in a room with Shoji, Kaminari, and Kirishima. I really didn't mind them. They were probably the classmates I got along with best, not including Deku. I liked Shoji because he was quiet and didn't pretend to be nice when he wasn't feeling like it. Kaminari was a little too energetic for me but he was stupid so we always ended up helping each other out when we didn't understand what we were learning. Kirishima was funny and nice and cool, the only thing that I didn't like about him was his fakeness. It wasn't a full-time job for him like it was for some other students but it still annoyed me. He was always worried about how he looked and he tried to act cool all the time.

Down in the dining hall, everyone sat at these long wooden tables and took notes as we were lectured about plant stuff. I wasn't listening that well. We left to go on our collection hike up in the hills around 6pm when it had cooled down a bit. We had to find a plant samples, draw and describe them into a notebook, then seal them in a plastic bag to examine later.

Deku was enthusiastic as shit. He didn't have a particular affinity for geology, he just liked being outside with everyone. It was kind of cute but mostly annoying. I felt him tug at my sleeve after about 45 minutes of climbing. I tuned around. "What?" I asked.

"You're walking too fast." He complained.

"You're walking too slow." I countered. We were already at the back of the group.

"My stomach hurts." He said.

"Stop being a baby." I walked ahead a few meters. I didn't want us to get in trouble for being separated from the group. I stopped in my tracks when I heard Deku whimper and hiss in pain. I turned around to see him clutching his calf.

I rushed to him, my blood pumping. "What's wrong?" I asked.

He straightened back up, smiling. "There you are~"

I scowled. "Hey! Don't fake an injury, you idiot!"

"Don't leave me alone on a fieldtrip! Mr. Mori said you have to be my walking buddy."

"Because you requested it." I corrected.

"Because I want good samples and you can reach higher in the trees!"

I grumbled, annoyed. "Let's go."

"I wasn't kidding about my stomach. It hurts. And my head does too." He explained with a frustrated pout. "I can't walk anymore, I think I'm going to throw up."

I sighed, calming down. "Did your stomach start hurting when we got to the lodge?" I asked. He nodded. "And it hurts the more we hike?" He nodded again. "You have altitude sickness, Idiot. Sit down. I'll text Iida and tell him that you got sick." I said.

He sat down on a rock. I gave him my water bottle and sat down beside him to send the message. I got a response quickly. "He says that the summit isn't far. The class is going to hike the rest of the way and then we'll join them on the way down. Iida also says he's going to collect extra samples from up there for us."

Deku smiled. "Thanks, Kacchan." He said.

"What are you thanking me for? Iida is the one doing our work for us." I pointed out.

"Just… thanks for everything else then."

I rolled my eyes, a little smile on my lips. "Whatever."

The air was nice and clean. It was relaxing up there. "Hey, I promised to make you laugh so I have a joke for you." Deku said, handing me back the water bottle. His hair perfectly matched the color of the leaves that shaded us.

"No thank you." I answered in a flat voice.

He completely disregarded my comment. "Why shouldn't you interrupt someone who's doing a puzzle?" He asked. He waited until it was clear I wasn't going to answer. "Because you'll probably get some crosswords!" He finished with a huge smile. I watched him without reaction. "You didn't like that one? No problem, there's plenty more where that comes from. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop! Hey, do you feel that?"

I waited but no answer came. "There's not a punchline for that one?" I asked.

"It wasn't a joke. I feel something." He said, holding onto the rock that he was sitting on. "It's vibrating…"

"It's not vi-" I suddenly began to feel it too. In a moment, the shaking went from a little tremble to a furious quake. I immediately grabbed Deku's hand. Adrenalin shot through my veins and I gripped his hand tight. His eyes looked to me, full of shock and fear. Before either of us could prepare ourselves, the rocks around us came to life and rolled around wildly. The ground turned soft before it all went rushing down the side of the hill, taking us with it.

We were both yelling and trying to claw onto anything stable but everything slipped away with the soil. It was as if the hill had been turned to quicksand and our only hope of staying above the surface was by grappling onto trees and boulders desperately. Our hands got torn apart by the pure force of the landslide. I had never truly fought for my life before. It was a strange experience. I saw the rocks and branches collide with me but I couldn't feel any of it. My heart was beating so loudly that it blocked out all other sounds. My only desires were survival and finding Deku.

It lasted less than a minute, we fell about fifty feet. When the shaking finally stopped and the soil turned back into solid Earth, I found myself buried under an uprooted tree and held there by mounds of dirt. I clawed my way out desperately, working as fast and violently as I could. 'Where is he!?' I wondered. 'Shit! What if he's buried somewhere? What if he can't get out? Will he suffocate? Or get crushed by the pressure? I have to find him! Deku!'

I finally got myself free after minutes of digging and wriggling. I was coated in black soil. "DEKU!" I yelled, looking everywhere. "Deku!" I called again, climbing around in the heaps of mountain-smoothie, looking for any sign of the green-haired optimist. I didn't know when I had started crying or if I could stop. I was really truly, scared. I remembered this feeling from childhood. I was so scared that I couldn't control my emotions anymore. The tears came without restraint. "Deku!" I yelled. I saw him a few feet away, laying on his back, buried waist down in dirt and paralyzed. "There you are!"

I ran over to him as fast as I could through all the debris. "Are you okay?" I asked, immediately unburying him from the dirt. There were some rocks on him but not enough to hold him down. "Hey, get up! Are you hurt?"

He didn't answer. I got him unearthed but he still wouldn't move, he was just staring at the sky. I put two fingers on his throat. His heart was racing. "Hey, did you hurt your spine or something?" He was still silent. "Answer me, dammit!" I demanded.

He started trembling furiously. "I can't…" He whimpered.

"You can't what? Where does it hurt?"

He responded slowly. "Th…the dirt…"

I was absolutely flabbergasted. I sat back, trying to comprehend what he had just said. He just got thrown down the side of a hill by liquified earth and still, having some dirt in his shoes was the scariest part of it all? I couldn't believe this guy… Was he joking? I knew he was a little weird but this was just stupid.

I remembered what he had told me once in my room about how germs, to him, were like scorpions. I imagined laying on the ground, covered in a thousand caramel-colored scorpions. My annoyance immediately began to subside and I started to understand. He always supported me, even when I was an asshole. I should try to do the same.

I gently swiped some of the dirt off his shirt and out of his hair. "Hey… chill out, okay?" I said. "We'll head back to the lodge right now. What did I say when you burned your hand?"

"Th-the bad thing… already happened." He replied, his emerald irises filling with tears. I couldn't even see his freckles among all the dirt.

"That's right. The bad thing already happened. Dirt is just dirt, Deku. You know that. It's not that bad."

He nodded slowly. I smiled bravely, wiping away my own tears. "See? It scared me too. It was scary, but it's over. Let's both pull ourselves together, alright?"

He nodded again, biting his bottom lip to hold back his emotions. I helped him up and onto my back. He was little more than dead weight. As I began walking and the adrenalin wore down, I could feel ache all over my body but I didn't say anything. I knew he must've been in pain too. "I'm sorry, Kaachan." He whispered, his voice breaking slightly.

"Hm? Did you summon the earthquake?" I joked.

"I'm sorry… that I'm so pathetic… I can't even walk on my own because of some stupid dirt…" He said. My shoulder suddenly felt wet and I could tell he was crying.

"Deku…" I replied softly. I didn't know what I could say. I couldn't cure his germaphobia or make reason of it.

"What kind of loser is afraid of dirt? At least it makes sense to be afraid of snakes or deep water, those things can kill you. Why do I feel like I'm suffocating when someone coughs? Why do I have to throw away my clothes just because of one little stain? Even now… I'm such a burden to you…"

"Deku." I said again, a little more sternly. "Don't say stuff like that… do you… do you remember when you said that, when I hurt you, it makes you see me in color? Well… I've never really taken care of anyone else before, not like this. Because I'm your hero, I'm constantly following you and watching out for you. For the first time, I'm seeing further than myself. I'm paying attention to everything more and I'm feeling new feelings so… I think… that having you as a burden has made me see the world in color too."

There was silence for a few moments before Deku spoke up. "Am I your favorite?" He asked quietly.

"What?"

"I've told you that you're my favorite person but you haven't done the same… I just want to know if I'm your favorite person too."

"Well… what do you think?" I responded.

"I don't know. Ever since we met, you've been changing. It's hard for me to keep up. As soon as I learn to read your mind, you change again. Are you doing that on purpose?"

"Me? You're the one who's making me change."

"I am?" He asked, surprised.

"You worm your way into people without permission."

"That doesn't sound flattering."

"Well, that's how you became my favorite so if that's what you wanted, then accept responsibility for it."

He sniffled and I sensed his smile. "I guess you're right. Then… I'm happy to be a worm if it means that I'm your favorite too."

My cheeks were red, I wanted to change the subject. "Hey, your dream earlier. I know you lied about what it was about." I mentioned.

"I didn't!" He defended.

"You told me the same dream last week." I pointed out.

"I'm relapsing… can't…talk…" He whimpered before falling silent.

"You're so full of shit." I scolded, rolling my eyes. I waited to see if his voice would return but it didn't. "Should I assume that you're only pretending that you can't walk too?"

He knew I wouldn't drop him so he kept silent. He was right. I carried him for another hour until we found our way back to the lodge. Iida was waiting out front of the lodge restlessly. He nearly fainted when he saw us. "Bakugo! And Midoriya! I called you two! Where you guys involved in that landslide?"

"Obviously." I retorted. Even when we were back on the porch of the cabin, I didn't put Deku down. Even though my body screamed in exhaustion, it felt right and comfortable to keep him on my back.

"Mr. Mori went out looking for you two." He told us. "I'll call him right now and tell him you found your way back."

"Can I use the bath?" The boy on my back asked.

"Now?" Iida questioned. "What if you have a concussion? You should wait. Mr. Mori will take you two to the hospital when he gets back and you can clean up there."

"No hospital!" Deku protested suddenly. "I'm fine!"

His panicked voice triggered my protective side. I held onto him firmly.

"You two both look like you need medical attention." Iida answered. He looked us over. We had both sustained a few deep bruises and shallow scrapes not to mention the fact that my whole body was trembling.

"Iida-san…" Deku pleaded. "I don't want to go to the hospital. I'm fine. We're fine. To go to the hospital over injuries like this would be counterproductive. A-after all… you're more likely to contract a disease in a hospital waiting room than almost anywhere else. We might as well just sit in a pool of stagnant water with some rotting carcasses while poking ourselves with used needles." He began doing his jerky twitches. His own imagination had set him off.

"Don't you think you're exaggerating?" Iida asked, clearly taken aback by Deku's odd behavior. "They'll have face masks and hand sanitizer there." He offered.

"Hand sanitizer? That's a toy of a simpler time." Deku mumbled. Finally, he was giving Iida a glimpse into his mind. "There have been several forms of bacteria found only in hospitals that are immune to most modern antibacterial. They thrive in that cesspool of disease, breeding stronger and stronger versions of themselves that can only be killed by temperatures exceeding four hundred degrees Celsius! So someone could check themselves into the hospital for a scraped knee and become the host for something exceedingly worse than they could ever imagine. If they're lucky, it'll have only infected the cut and the leg can be amputated before three days but if the patient breaths in the air-born spores, there's nothing that can be done. The bacteria will breed rapidly in the moist, dark, lungs and in a week, it will have deteriorated thirty percent of the lung tissue-"

"Midoriya-san." Iida interrupted, horrified by the gruesome visual. "Please go take a bath." He requested, giving up to Izuku's craziness.

I carried him off to the bathhouse, going behind the lodge so we wouldn't be seen by other students. I was also shocked by Deku's inner thoughts. Is that really what he thought about all the time? I could understand why he was usually on edge.

I set him down when we finally got to the showers, sitting him on a little stool. He managed to stay upright but he didn't seem much more mobile. "You can move now, right?" I asked.

He looked down at himself. His clothes were black and stiff with mud. Pebbles, leaves, and pine needles poked out of every seam. "It's in my pants, isn't it?" He asked, staring down at his trousers.

"Probably." I started to undress myself.

"I can feel it…" He mentioned.

I glanced at him as he just sat there, staring at himself. He seemed to be over the panic and had subsided into depression, adopting his misery as his new state of existence. It seemed so dramatic. "Come on, just take them off. Then you can clean up and be good as new." I urged.

He didn't move. "What's the point? I don't think I'll ever get clean again. I can feel the dirt in my armpits and under my boxers and coating every strand of hair."

"Don't be like that." I coaxed. "Come on, I'm not going to do it for you."

"Okay… I just need a bit of time." He said, his voice mellow. I finished undressing and started washing myself. I glanced at him occasionally. He just sat there, staring blankly. Was he really so depressed by the dirt that he couldn't even bother to clean up? I decided to just wait it out and see if he would eventually start undressing. I really didn't want to get that personal with him. I mean, we were friends but still… it's pretty weird to undress and wash your friend. That would definitely be crossing a line.

I washed thoroughly, taking my time, but he still didn't move. Actually, he had kicked off his shoes but that was all. I grumbled, annoyed and frustrated. "Come on, Deku. Where's the plucky, determined, idiot that I sit next to every day? You can do this, you do it every day." I encouraged. He didn't even look up to me, his eyes began to water.

"I just feel… so hopeless." He answered. I couldn't believe this. He really was going into a depressive withdrawal.

I sighed, massaging my temples for a moment while preparing myself to make a difficult offer. "Deku… do you need me to help you?" I asked.

He nodded, tears falling. "Y-you're the only one… that I can turn to with something like this… I'm sorry."

His quiet, desperate voice tugged at my heart strings. Although I didn't really understand what he was going through, I couldn't just let him suffer like that. He was special to me, I wanted to keep his heart happy so he could keep smiling. I rinsed out my hair and tied a towel around my waist. At least one of us would be covered.

"Don't cry." I commanded in a soft voice, sitting in front of him with a sponge. His eyes wouldn't meet mine? Was he ashamed? Damnit… he made my heart hurt so badly. I took his chin between two fingers and tilted it so he would look at me. My crimson eyes met his wet, emerald ones. "Deku… it's me, okay? So you can calm down now. It's just me, you know me. I'll take care of you." Those last words left my lips without my permission.

His eyes reciprocated a look of trust. He nodded, sniffling. My eyes glanced over his trembling lips. They were a really cute color. They were a pale peach all throughout except for on his bottom lip where he had been biting it. That part was ripe red and glossy. A little longing began to cultivate in the pit of my stomach. I wanted to know the feeling of warm lips pressing against my own. I wanted to see what it would feel like if my teeth gently grasped them. I wanted to know the sensation of grazing my tongue over the plump little buds.

Without realizing what I was doing, my arm rose and my thumb bravely grazed Deku's lips, swiping against the soft, wet, skin. My eyes were trained on my hand which seemed to move without my consent. I had the pad of my thumb lightly resting on his front teeth when I was finally able to reclaim ownership of my body. My face turned beet red as I drew back my hand and checked his expression.

His cheeks were pink too and his eyes stared at me wide. He was trying to read my intentions, trying to understand. "Got it!" I quickly said, pretending to flick something off my thumb. "It was just a little bug, I got it." I explained. The idea of having a bug on his face scared him stiff, which was exactly what I needed right then. Now we wouldn't have to acknowledge what just happened.

I gently undressed him, taking off everything. I forced my mind to go blank as my knuckles grazed his sides when I pulled off his bottoms. I was really confused by what I had done and the thoughts that were in my head but I tried to force them all down anyways. 'I'm just a teen and these are hormones and they don't mean anything.' I told myself. 'Boys think about perverted stuff, it's only natural, right? Kaminari once compared a car to a woman's body so that means it's normal to think thoughts like that about literally anything! It has nothing to do with Deku, he just happens to be in front of me. If I were looking at a fire hydrant, I'd still think things like that.'

I kept telling myself this as I dunked the sponge in water and cleaned his back. 'Cleaning someone's back for them is super normal'. I reassured myself. 'I didn't realize that Deku actually has some muscles…' I noticed. 'Stop! Idiot! What if it were Kirishima's back? It's the same, nothing to get flustered about.' I told myself. Still… I knew deep down that it wasn't. Midoriya's back was slight and cute and I felt possessive of it. I was his hero so… this back was technically mine because I was charged with taking care of it. 'It's not mine! Stop thinking that!' I scolded myself.

I really didn't want to clean his chest or middle region so I did his hair next. I ordered him to close his eyes as I poured steaming water over him. The water ran brown for the first three bucket-fulls. I shampooed it, trying with everything I had to just stop thinking but it was impossible. His hair was really soft and cute.

When his hair was done, I cleaned his legs from the knee down. I could feel the firm bulge of his calf muscles under the sponge. My hand traced the delicate arch of his heels and my fingers felt his cute nubby toes. His legs were the perfect balance between toned and lithe, giving them a lean and gentle appearance. I just couldn't stop thinking.

I was so frustrated that I didn't notice until I was done with his legs that I had an issue under my towel. 'What the hell?!' I wondered, completely shocked. 'Why do I have that? Why now? I know I can get them randomly, I even wake up with them sometimes, but why now of all times? Hormones again? Fuck, I have to get out of here before Deku notices…'

"You can finish this on your own now, right?" I asked, throwing down the sponge and putting the bucket on my lap instead. "I gotta take a leak. I'll put away the bucket while I'm at it." I announced in a dry voice. I got up, keeping the bucket firmly against my hips to hide that thing as I sped off to the bathroom stalls.

I let my towel drop once I was inside. 'Hormones. It's just hormones. This is normal. It happens all the time for no reason.' I told myself as my eyes prickled with tears. I was so angry and confused. Deep down, in a place I'd never admit, I knew this was a result of Deku. I didn't want it at all. I hated these feelings. I hated what my body was doing. I felt like I was being forced to respond to him against my will. I hated it… I hated it so much… I wanted it to go away… everything. The erection, the feelings, even Deku. I wanted him to disappear too so I could pretend this all never happened.

I cried. I couldn't stop myself, all I could do was bite my lip to keep back whimpers and sobs. I was scared. I wanted to believe it was a lie. I took care of my body, pinching myself with one hand so my mind wouldn't be able to think about the greenette while it was happening. When it was done, I took a few minutes to stop crying.

I stayed in the stall, wondering if there were a way to take it back. 'I don't… I don't want to like boys… I don't want to like Deku… I don't want to think these crazy things! Dammit! Why can't I stop!? I hate his body but still, my body responds… I just want it all to go away… I want to go back…' I thought, my thoughts finally interrupted by the sweet voice that both drove me to insanity and saved me.

"Kaachan?" it asked. At the same time, I was filled with dread and joy.

(to be continued)


	7. Finding You (pt2)

I couldn't meet Deku's eyes after coming out of the bathroom. "Kacchan?" He asked again. Once he had started cleaning himself, his depression subsided and he was able to move well again.

"Hey, I'm done so I'm going to go get dressed." I said, the towel on my waist again. After what I'd done, it felt so sinful to even look at Deku.

"What? Can't you say for a while?" He asked. "I don't want to be here alone. What if Monoma comes in here and-"

"He won't." I interrupted. "He's not queer." I growled derogatorily towards myself. Fuck, why would I even say that word out loud? Shit… fuck! It's so obvious that I was thinking about that! Dammit! I left the bathhouse immediately, full of self-hatred and confusion. That word repeated over and over and over in my head. 'I can't be… I'm straight as a fuck'n arrow!' I lied to myself. 'Dammit… dammit, dammit, dammit! I am not gay!' I tried to recall any gay people I knew of. 'Neil Patrick Harris… and um… Freddie Mercury… I'm not like those guys! I'm not like those guys on TV who curl their hair and wear Gucci and talk with funny voices! I'm not!'

I got to my room and locked the door, quickly changing. 'Of course there's something wrong with me… I knew it was weird that I sometimes compared Deku to a girlfriend. Wait, gay people get boy- OH HELL NO! I will never have a boyfriend! Never! I will never put on makeup or talk about handbags or tweet about the Kardashians! I can't be g-gay… it's just not who I am!'

There was a loud, hard, knocking on the bedroom door. I quickly opened it, assuming it was one of my roommates. I didn't want to lead anyone on to the fact that something was wrong with me. When I swung open the door, I found the short, green-haired boy standing there with a towel around his waist and a scowl on his face. His eyes were full of tears.

I was completely shocked by his appearance. "Deku!"

"Who told you that!?" He demanded harshly, barely holding back his tears.

"W-wha?" My lips stuttered.

"Who said I was… y'know…" He clarified.

"That you're what!?" I snarled back.

He took a deep breath, diverting his gaze. "Someone said something to you to make you think that I'm… um… queer. Who was it and what did they say?"

My eyes widened with realization. He had it all wrong, I wasn't trying to imply that, I just said it accidentally. "N-no, Deku, that's not…"

He sniffed, the tears finally breaking loose. "I'm so sorry…" He said, trying to control his trembling voice. His hands came up and covered his eyes. "I didn't want you to hear it through rumors. I wanted to tell you myself and be honest with you, there was just never a good time and I was always afraid you wouldn't want to be my friend if you knew…"

What?

My mind scrambled to comprehend what he was saying and then once it understood, it just stopped. I couldn't think anything, I just stared down at Deku in complete shock.

He kept mumbling something but I couldn't hear him. 'He's…wait… so…. Deku is… Deku is gay? What the hell? When… oh my God… oh my God, so what I said in the bath just now… he thought…'

I tore his hands away from his eyes and pulled him into a tight embrace. I had never been more sorry. He thought I had said that about him… it must've hurt him so badly.

I pulled him into the room and locked the door again so we could talk in privacy. "Deku…" I said. He was sobbing loudly. "Deku… you have it all wrong… Just stop crying for a moment and listen." I said. He reduced his sobs to whimpers. I sat him down on one of the lower bunks and got him my spare outfit. I really wanted him to be dressed for this conversation. I didn't care about my own inner turmoil at that moment, I just wanted to take back what he thought I had said about him.

He dressed, sniffling and wiping his face as he went. I politely looked away. "Kacchan…" He said when he was finished. "Kacchan, please don't hate me-"

"Shh." I silenced him. "Just listen right now, okay? I… what I said… it wasn't… shit, how do I say this? It wasn't meant for you. When I was… um… like, helping you right now with, y'know, washing up and everything… I kinda realized that I might… um… y'know… be interested in more than one body type, y'know?" I hated how stupid I sounded. I couldn't get my mind to synchronize with my mouth. "I said that because… well… I meant it for me. Don't get me wrong. I would never say that about you, even if you are… uh… anyways. No one told me anything and I definitely did not mean to call you that." I lowered my head both to apologize but also because I was so embarrassed.

"No one told you?" He responded. "So… just now, when I came to your door… I…. Oh my God, I am so stupid." I looked up to see that he was covering his face with embarrassment. "Oh my God… just kill me. Does this room have a window? I have to go."

A laugh escaped from my throat, surprising Deku. I held my fist to my mouth and tried to contain the giggles.

"Why are you laughing?" He asked in utter confusion.

"It's just funny." I said.

"Does this mean you don't hate me?"

"Why would I hate you?"

"Because we got so close but I never told you the truth…"

I wanted to ask if he liked me, that was the first question on the tip of my tongue but I couldn't bring myself to ask it because, in reality, I didn't want the answer. If he said yes, then that meant that when he had suggested going to the movies, he was deceiving me. It meant we'd have to talk about feelings and I'd have to let him down. It meant things would never be the same between us. If the answer was no… well… then I might feel my own heart break.

"I'll keep your secret if you can keep mine, okay?" I said, holding out my hand.

He smiled a little bit and shook it. "Okay, Kacchan."

"Hey…" I said after our hands had parted. "Can I ask you some stuff then?"

"Huh? Like what?" He tilted his head. Damn, that was cute.

"Like… when did you first know that about yourself?" I asked

"Um… probably as early as fourth grade or so when kids start having crushes. I read romance novels and the feelings that the protagonist would have for her crush were the same feelings I had. I liked the same aspects of a person."

"But like, specifically a guy person?"

He nodded, blushing. "Yeah. Girls didn't give me the same feelings. As you can tell, I still don't really know what to do with these feelings so I keep it to myself. Well, I mean, my mom knows too but it's not something I ever tell anyone. Since you asked a question, can I ask one too now?"

I nodded in response.

"Did you really just realize this about yourself today?" He asked.

I blushed and looked away. "I dunno… I guess…"

"And you realized it specifically from me?" he followed up.

"Hey, that's two questions!" I complained, my face completely pink.

"You asked two as well so it's only fair!" He countered.

I huffed and kept my head down. "I guess."

He smiled. "Then, Kacchan, please don't worry. Since we're so close, it's normal to feel affection for each other, even for each other's bodies. I can understand why that's kind of scary and confusing but you shouldn't take it seriously right now. After all, you feel affectionate when you think of your mom's arms or your dad's belly, right? So don't be scared, Kacchan. Feelings are difficult. You should wait for them to develop more before you conclude that it's attraction, not just affection."

For some reason, his words really comforted me. There was no pressure and no panic. He made me feel safe. I felt like I could finally let out my breath and smile sincerely. Deku would always know me and that wasn't scary to me anymore because I knew that he would always accept and support me, no matter what he knew. There was really nothing that I was afraid of with Deku other than losing him. "Thank you." I replied.

"I should get out of your room. Besides, I bet Iida-san is looking for me." Deku said, standing up from the bed.

"You're not going to go wearing my clothes, right?" I pointed out.

"You think they'll know?" He asked.

"Yeah, it's too big for you. At least change the pants." I said, compromising. I secretly thought he'd look really cute in my shirt. After I had that thought, I had to ponder it. Did I like the idea just because he was generally cute and wearing a big shirt would make him extra cute? Or because it was my shirt and wearing it would make it known, between us, that he was mine. I wasn't really sure what I meant by the suggestion. Regardless, he accepted the proposal.

"Will do. See ya later." He said, walking out of my room.

A few minutes later, I went downstairs to the communal room, looking for Iida or Mr. Mori. Everyone but Deku was down there, lining up leaves under microscopes, jotting down notes, and weighing twigs on electronic scales. They noticed my presence immediately and I was bombarded with questions. "Bakugo-san, were you really part of that landslide?" Someone asked. "Hey, Midoriya was with you too, right? Is he okay?" "Why aren't you guys in the hospital?" "Shit! Katsuki, your whole cheek is purple! How did that happen?" "Gnarly bruise, Bakubro!"

I tried to entertain everyone's questions but there were too many. One voice finally spoke out above the others. It made my skin crawl. "You just have the worst luck, Kacchan. Actually… no. Izuku has the worst luck because he's always caught up in your trouble." Monoma said.

"Hey Monoma… isn't it kind of rude to say that?" My classmate Mina pointed out.

"It's only rude if it's not the truth. Think about it. Kacchan was assigned to be Izuku's hiking partner so why did he let them get so far behind the group? If he had been more responsible, this never would have happened. And back when Kacchan got into that alley fight with some thugs, Izuku was with him and ended up getting really hurt."

My classmates gasped. "Thugs? Is Katsuki really that kind of person?" One person whispered to another. "That sounds really scary. To be honest… that's kind of the impression I got from him when he first transferred here." The other answered. "Poor Izuku, he is always getting hurt." Someone said.

I saw Uraraka nervously biting her lip, trying to decide if she should speak up about what actually happened. I shook my head no at her just before Iida put his hand on her shoulder. I turned my attention to Monoma, scowling. "How badly do you want to pick a fight with me, Monoma? You left out the rest of that story. You must have heard what I did to those thugs, right? I left them as trembling lumps of street trash." I walked up to him, making a show of our height difference.

"Are you threatening your classmate, Kacchan? Is that the kind of person you are? I guess you're scarier than we thought." He replied, smiling coldly at me.

"Oh, I'm much scarier than you thought." I growled, closing my fists tight. There was a pull at the back of my shirt. I turned around and saw Midoriya wearing my shirt and looking to me with those big, green, eyes. He looked really cute. I released my fist immediately.

"Hey, Mr. Mori wants to check on you." He said, eager to give me a distraction.

I nodded and walked off in the direction Midoriya pointed. I didn't want to leave him there with Monoma but I was fairly confident that he wouldn't try anything too scary. After all, everyone was there, including Uraraka and Iida who were good friends of Deku.

Mr. Mori was waiting for me in what looked like an office. It was probably used by the lodge's owner to book appointments and keep records. He had me recount everything that had happened and took record of it. "By the way," I said, "I lost my phone in the landslide. Not that I would ever press charges against my own school, but I can't afford to get another one right out of pocket so if the school would be willing to give me the money for that, then there really wouldn't be any reason to talk about legal stuff at all." I knew how to play this game. My mom was always the best at this. Should could threaten someone so politely you'd think she's giving them a compliment.

"Ah, well, I'll talk to the principal and see what I can do about that." He replied. After he took the statement, he asked to see some of my injuries then sent be back to the group. When I entered the communal hall, Monoma was back to minding his own business. Uraraka had Deku sitting right at her hip and she doted on him like a puppy. She played with his hair and chatted happily with him. Himiko was there too, examining and wrapping his scrapes. I really didn't know her. I had just heard that she was really into romance animes and TV dramas because she was constantly talking about them. Since when was Deku this close to her? I'd never seen them hand out before. I approached the trio.

"Hey, Katsuki." Uraraka greeted. "You've met my friend Toga, right?" She said. The blonde gave me a quick smile.

"Hey." I greeted. "So, do you, like, know how to wrap wounds and stuff?" What I mean by that was 'Why are you touching him?' I had been feeling especially protective of Deku.

"Yeah, I volunteer at the hospital." She said. "Here, this is the last one." She applied some Vaseline to a hot, red, gash before encircling his arm in gauze. She taped down the gauze under my watchful eye. "There! All done!" She announced, kissing the bandage. "That'll make it heal faster~"

I did not like that at all. "Great. Deku, Mr. Mori wants us to sign something. Just saying that we won't sue the school or whatever." I said. Deku nodded and obediently followed me. Instead of going to the office, I led him further down the hallway to a garage that was filled with snowmobiles and skiing equipment for the snowy season.

"Are you that jealous, Kacchan? You know, I remember you being that way when Todoroki bought me a coffee. Were you the kid on the playground who never wanted to share their friends?" Deku asked with chuckle.

"Shut up. I just don't like that girl, she creeps me out." I confessed.

"Because of that kiss thing? I think she was just trying to be cute."

I rolled my eyes. She wasn't cute, just annoying. "Monoma didn't give you any trouble, right?" I asked.

"No. What were you guys talking about anyways?" He answered.

"He was just being himself." I said.

"He really gets to you, doesn't he? Every time you talk to him, you get all tense and you clench your fists. Why does he bother you so much anyways? I thought he just wanted to get a higher placement in the class."

"His beef with me isn't about class ranking, it's personal. We take turns pissing each other off." I replied. "Look, Deku, he doesn't know about your germaphobia or your um…" I cleared my throat, "Preferences. No matter what, you have to keep those things secret. If he finds out, he'll use them as weapons against you. I really don't mind that I take up most of his attention. If you ever have to choose between standing up for me or keeping those secrets, keep the secrets. I can handle Monoma."

"Will I really be put in that situation?" The freckled boy asked.

"Maybe… probably. He wants to ruin my reputation at school so I have no doubt he's spreading rumors about me as we speak. Don't try to stand up for me or correct any of the rumors, he'll just drag you into it too and end up exploiting your secrets, okay?"

"Kacchan, that's not fair. You stand up for me all the time." He protested.

"Because there's very little that he can take from me so there's not a lot I can lose from it. I don't have much of a reputation anyways. You, on the other hand... He would dump trash on your desk every day and have people tease you about your preferences until you lost your class rank and were outcast by everyone."

"If that happens… we can still be friends, right?" He asked. My heart beat heavily. 'In that whole scenario… the thing he was most worried about was losing me? Why does that make me so happy? I guess… that's what I worry about most too. I've never had a friend like Deku, I want to keep him.'

"No matter what." I assured with a nod.

Deku smiled at me. When we entered the communal hall again, everyone was looking at me oddly. Deku didn't seem to notice, he just returned to chat with Uraraka. They were probably talking about ice cream or Christmas or something else childish like that. I sat down next to Kaminari and Kirishima, thought they both seemed a little uncomfortable. "Hey, Bakugo", Kaminari spoke up, "What kind of… after school activities are you into?" He asked.

I knew what he was implying. "Has Monoma been telling everyone that I'm part of a gang?" I guessed blandly. I pissed me off that he wouldn't just ask. I could tell by his nervous reaction that I had guessed correctly. I was getting kind of angry. Deku would never believe something like that, especially not from Monoma, so why did they? Didn't they know me or at least trust me a little bit?

"I've just never really asked you how you spend your free time. You never go to events that we invite you to." He pointed out. 'Because they're either really expensive or I have plans with Deku.' I thought. I was not about to use my poverty or my friendship with Deku as an excuse, though.

"The school I went to before wasn't as rigorous as this one so I have to study a lot to keep up." I explained, unable to hide the annoyed tone in my voice.

"Speaking of which," my classmate Sero interjected from across the table, "You never told anyone why you left that school." He said.

"Is it true you've been enrolled in more than seven schools?" Jirou asked.

What was this, an ambush? I was angry but also overwhelmed and nervous. I could have told the truth but my natural reaction to being cornered was to be defensive. "Why are all of you so nosy all the sudden?" I growled. "Do all of you really just stupidly believe rumors? Why don't you try thinking for yourselves for a change?"

There were a hundred other things I could have said that would have made the situation better but instead, I just confirmed everyone's suspicions that I was a cold-blooded thug. I wanted to bang my head against the wall in frustration. Monoma was still manipulating me without even being around.

My classmates nodded apologetically and turned away, mumbling to each other things like, "He's so scary" and "I bet he is in a gang." Kirishima nudged me lightly. "Dude, you gotta chill out." He whispered. I knew he was on my side but it pissed me off that he was so concerned about his image that he wouldn't raise his voice when talking to me. I got up from the table and went to sit with Deku and Uraraka. He was the only one I trusted to not annoy me with stupid rumors.

I looked around and realized that this was the nerd table. The table was occupied by Deku, Uraraka, Iida, Momo, Tsuyu, Shouji, and Ojiro. These were definitely not the cool kids I normally hung around, they were Deku's friends. The one redeeming quality of the table was that these students were either too smart to believe rumors or just didn't care to listen to them.

The brunette girl smiled at me when I sat down. "Hey, Katsuki." She greeted. "Wanna work with us on the project? Me, Deku, and Iida are a group and we can have one more member." She said.

I shrugged, still kind of pissed. She accepted my answer with a smile. "Great. Here. Take this notebook and start rewriting the notes on a separate paper in full sentences so it can be our observation log."

I took the notebook and worked silently. Deku got up and moved to my side of the bench, working beside me. Just that little gesture helped me cheer up. After all, Deku was so optimistic and joyful that being in his radius made others feel the same way.

We worked for about two hours before everyone was told to go to bed. My stomach growled as we packed up our equipment and papers. We had eaten before the hike but I was still hungry. I usually ate every three or four hours.

I went to my room and found that the clothes I had packed for tomorrow had been marked with a sharpie. My shirt read "Yamaguchi loyalty" and my jeans bore some symbols I didn't recognize, probably gang signs. I wasn't surprised, I knew Monoma would probably get to them so I had packed clothes I didn't like that much. Still, I was pissed because I knew my mom would definitely find out about it and be upset. She knew every item of clothing I had and inspected them regularly to fix torn seems and ragged edges before they destroyed the clothes.

Kirishima walked into our shared room as I inspected it. He clearly saw the vandalization. "Woah… dude…" He said.

I stuffed them back in my draw-string bag angrily. "I didn't buy them that way. In case you're too stupid to realize it, I'm not actually in a gang." I growled.

"I know." He said, closing the door. "Hey… if you don't want people to think that, you should just tell them the truth." He suggested.

"Why would I care what they think? Their thoughts are obviously worthless if they can be swayed so easily by stupid rumors."

"I know you're a good guy on the inside but when you talk like that, you make it really hard for other people to see that too." The redhead explained.

"Are you really going to act loyal now?" I snarled, cocking my head at him challengingly.

"You're right, I kind of wimped out back there." He admitted. "But it's not like you made it any better. How am I supposed to stand up for you when you self-sabotage like that? You're your own worst enemy, Bakubro."

"Oh, so we're back to that nickname? Why don't you try calling me that when we're out in public, huh?" I growled. "When we're hiding away like this, it doesn't mean shit so don't trouble yourself."

The redhead determinedly made his way to the window and opened it wide. I watched him in shock and confusion and he firmly held the ledge and jutted his head out into the cool night. "BAKUGO KATSUKI IS MY FRIEND!" He yelled, his voice carrying through the vast, empty, landscape. My cheeks went pink in embarrassment.

"Hey! Mine too!" I happy voice called back with less volume. Damn Deku.

"Close your windows and stop shouting immediately, please!" Iida's voice answered.

Kirishima leaned back in and closed the window, smiling at me. "There. You heard that, right?"

"Everyone in the whole goddamn lodge did." I corrected.

"Good. I think everyone should hear the truth at least once tonight because there hasn't been a lot of it going around. Are you going to forgive me now?" He held out his hand.

I smiled and accepted it. As soon as my palm met his, he grabbed my hand and pulled me into a strong yet short embrace, patting my back hard. I suddenly didn't care about the ruined clothes anymore, I had gained more than I had lost.

The other guys fell asleep as soon as they laid down but I wasn't as fortunate. My stomach kept grumbling, it was impossible to ignore Kirishima's snoring, and whenever I started dozing off, I would imagine the landslide and be shot back into consciousness, panting and sweating. I finally gave up and decided to walk down to the lodge's kitchen and try to find something to eat. I threw on a shirt over my boxers and snuck out of the room.

As I approached the kitchen, I noticed that the light was on. I proceeded cautiously, peeking around corners for Monoma. When I saw that happy green-haired boy sitting on the counter, kicking his legs and eating gummy candy, I relaxed. "Why are you still up?" I asked, entering the kitchen comfortably.

"Couldn't sleep. I kept having dreams about dirt." He replied. "You?"

"Kirishima snores like a whale." I said, making him laugh. He was still wearing my shirt on top of boxers and socks. He had just washed his hair so it was especially fluffy. Damn, he was so cute. 'Is this how he looks at night? At home when he's relaxing before bed?' I wondered. 'I want to see him when he's like that… I want to be with him in such a private setting so I can see even more sides of him. Wait… That's not a normal friendly thing to think about, right? I mean… I want to know Kirishima in his relaxed, natural, setting too but this is different.' I thought about relaxing with him in his room, reading and talking about nothing. I thought about watching him slowly fall asleep in my shirt, illuminated by the glow of the TV. I fanaticized about a really domestic situation.

Deku interrupted my thoughts. "Hey, you're hungry, right?" he asked. He showed me his backpack and dug out a package of wafer cookies. He extended them to me but I just stared at the offering, surprised.

"Huh? Isn't this the kind you like?" He asked.

I slowly nodded and accepted them. 'Deku… is kind of like a girlfriend, isn't he?' I thought. The greenette had done other stuff like this before but now that I thought about it in relation to my domestic desires, I was forced to wonder if I could possibly want Deku in that way. I mean… we already kind of acted like a couple. Always just hanging out for no reason, predicting each other's needs, sharing our deepest secrets…

Now that I was thinking about it, I was reminded of the fact that we were both inclined towards men so… was that an option now? I had never even considered Deku as a candidate for a relationship until today. I ate the cookies slowly, lost in thought.

"Hey, Deku." I finally said. The boy was also daydreaming, staring off into nowhere. He looked at me curiously. His cute gaze made my heart beat faster. "You said you've had crushes before, right? What's that like?"

He popped another peach ring into his mouth. "Having a crush? I think everyone feels them differently. For me… It's when I admire someone so much that I can't help it and I just want to hug them really hard."

"Admiration?" I clarified.

"It's not just that, though. A good crush is when you know even the ugly parts of a person but you still like them. And you're excited to learn more and more about them, even if you uncover stuff that's not so great." He explained.

I considered that. I was always curious about Deku. I often wondered what he was doing and what he was like at home. 'But is that a crush? I'm curious about Kirishima's personal life too. But that admiration thing… I suppose that's true. As stupid as I think Deku is, I also really admire him. He's so happy and dedicated and brave. And sometimes, I do just want to squeeze him tight. So… is this it?' I wondered. "So… who have you had a crush on?" I asked.

The question made him blush. "That's an embarrassing question!" He protested.

"Well… then do you have a type?" I countered.

"Wh-why did you think to ask that?" His face was so red, it was really cute.

"You don't have to answer it, I was just curious." I responded, smirking at his expression.

"Well… uh… I guess I usually prefer… um… strong people."

"You like really muscular guys? Like body builders?" I asked. That did not seem appealing to me at all.

"No! I- I mean… this is so embarrassing… I like some muscles, yes, but I meant personality wise. I like people who don't give up and are willing to suffer for what's right."

"Should they wear a stars and stripes leotard too?" I joked.

"Shut up!" He cried in embarrassment, covering his face and kicking his legs. I laughed at his behavior, clutching my stomach and hunching over as it erupted from my throat. He peeked through his fingers at me. "You're laughing?" He asked. "You're such an asshole! I told you all my best jokes but this is what finally makes you laugh!? You're a jerk!"

I dried my eyes and smiled at him. "I told you, you're funnier when you're not trying."

He gave up and smiled the smallest smile. "Fine. I'll forgive you because I wanted to see you laugh anyways, so we'll call this a win-win."

"Deal." I nodded in agreeance.

"Do you have a type?" He asked.

"No comment." I answered firmly, completely dodging the question.

"Hey! Not fair, you made me answer!"

"No I didn't." I smiled and took a bite of a wafer. "In fact, I specifically remember telling you that you didn't have to answer. I guess you just really want to tell me~" I teased.

He scowled cutely. "Hey! I- I didn't! I mean- I-"

"Cute." I said plainly, earning his silence.

"Huh?" He asked.

"That's my type. I like cute people. Don't go around sharing that, okay?" I instructed.

He nodded and motioned an ex over his heart, showing that the was locking away the secret.

'I think… That I could possibly like you, Deku.' I told him through my thoughts. 'You'd be a really cute girlfriend. I mean- you'd be a boyfriend, I guess, but that word makes me feel weird… so anyways, be patient with me for a while so I can figure this out, okay?'

Deku responded to my silent proposal with a smile.

We finished our snacks and went our separate ways. The next day, we all sat in the communal hall again and finished our projects, getting back on the busses by noon. I sat with Deku in our same bench.

"Kacchan~" Monoma's voice called from the seat behind me. I put in an earbud. "Hey, isn't that the same outfit you wore yesterday?" He asked. "That's kind of sad. Do you not own many outfits?"

"You could really benefit from learning to keep that big trap of yours shut." I suggested.

"Aww… are you upset at me because of what people are saying about you? It's not right to project your frustration on a classmate. Besides, all I did was say stuff. You can't possibly hold me accountable for the misconceptions people come up with."

I ignored him, scrolling through my music to choose a playlist. I had let Deku clean his earbud before getting on the bus so Monoma wouldn't see his compulsions. I handed it to him and he popped it in his ear happily. "You even listen to music together? You guys make a great couple~" He teased.

"Hey Monoma!" Kirishima's voice called out. "People share music all the time, stop picking on them." He said. A few students around him agreed, effectively silencing the blonde-haired antagonizer. I smiled at Kirishima and he smiled back. He was definitely my friend.

As we drove, the students quieted down and many fell asleep, including Deku. He was resting his head on my shoulder, his mouth slightly ajar and his hand limp between us. I smiled slightly. 'Please feel free to do this more often…' I told him silently. 'I don't mind… in fact… I really like it. It feels like you're mine and… that's a good feeling.' I gently wrapped my pinky around his as he slept. The hands were hidden between our forms, our blossoming affections a secret that only we knew.


	8. Together

For a whole week, I observed. During the day, I silently watched Deku as we went about our daily interactions. When I was home alone, it was research time. I watched romance dramas and read girly manga, trying to figure out what a crush was and how it felt.

'This is basic, human, knowledge.' I told myself as I picked up a manga called 'Cinnamon Sugar Princess' and flipped through it boredly. It was morning and I had woken up early to do more research before school. 'So why can't I figure it out? What exactly do I feel for Deku? I mean, he's super cute, he's frustrating as hell, I think about him all the time, I want to protect him… So is that a crush?'

All week, I was been secretly evaluating him. I watched how he behaved and took notice how it made me feel. When he would grab my sleeve, my heart would flutter. When he gave me that cute pouty expression, my chest swelled. When we sat on the roof together and the sun made his hair glow bright green and he smiled sweetly at the feeling of the breeze… That was when his lips became my focus. That was when I wanted to lean over, cup his cheek, close my eyes, and take the plunge. 'This has to be a crush, right? Feeling those things about him and wanting to do things like that… isn't that a crush?' I wondered.

I put the obscenely girl comic back under my bed with the rest of my hidden research materials and went downstairs for breakfast. I plopped my backpack on the table and started rummaging through the fridge. "Katsuki?" My mom called, entering the kitchen. I hadn't talked to her about me possibly being interested in a guy. I wasn't even sure how I felt so I definitely wasn't ready to talk to someone else about it. "Do you want some coffee? I'm starting a pot." She said.

"Sure." I replied, pulling out a tupperware of last night's stir-fry.

"By the way, Kacchan, Koya's class is part of that parade today. All the kids have a dance they prepared. I can't be there so can you go cheer him on for the both of us? I'll even give you money to eat out." She enticed. Koya was my kid cousin, he was in the first grade.

I had forgotten about the parade. It was a traditional thing to welcome in fall but now a days, it was just an opportunity for boys to take girls out and eat street vendor food and listen to live music. An idea suddenly dawned on me. I could invite Deku and it would be kind of like a proxy date. That way, I would be able to test the waters see if I actually wanted to date him or not. He wouldn't even have to know the real purpose, I could just tell him that I wanted to eat good food and see the show.

"Yes!" I answered Mom enthusiastically.

She looked at me a little surprised. "Okay. Well, grab a thousand yen out of my purse before-"

"I've got it." I dismissed. I didn't want to use my mom's hard-earned money to take my guy friend on a proxy date, that just seemed deceptive. "I've been saving up. I've got it." I said.

"Really? Okay, then. You're my grown-up little man, aren't you?" She teased affectionately.

I rolled my eyes as I scarfed down the stir-fry. She handed me my coffee and threw my lunch in my bag before I left for school. As always, I walked into the classroom and was immediately greeted happily. "Morning, Kacchan!" Deku said with a smile.

I sat down beside him wearing my usual apathetic expression. "Morning." I replied. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. He was annotation his notes with a Captain America themed pen. I quirked up the side of my mouth. I wanted to give him stuff like that. Just little gifts. I wanted to see his surprise and witness his cute excitement. I also liked the idea of being the one who cared for him and gave him the things he wanted, it made me feel important.

We got separated into pairs during class for an activity. I was placed with Kirishima and Deku was partnered with Iida. We were told to fill out a chart of irregular English verbs. A few minutes into the activity, I looked up at Kirishima. "Yo," I said in a quiet voice, "Hey… you ever asked anyone out?" I asked.

His cheeks went a little pink and he smiled proudly. "Yeah. Why? You thinking about asking someone out? Who is it?"

I hushed him and scowled. "No one you'd know. Look… I don't really know how to ask and still seem cool." I admitted.

"You came to the right guy. I have a few trusty pick-up lines. They're not cheesy or anything, I promise. One of my favorites is, 'Hey Honey, this wallet's getting a little heavy, wanna help me blow some money?' Chicks love rich guys." He advised.

"I'm not rich." I reminded him, annoyed.

"That's true… wanna borrow some money?"

"Are you a loan shark now? Fuck off."

"Okay, okay. I was just offering. Let me think… well, you've got a really cool style so you should just play it cool. Say something like, 'It's so boring around here. I'm gonna go find some fun. You can come with as long as you don't bug me'. Like a sexy bad boy, y'know?"

"Does anybody actually talk like that?" I asked. "I think that's just for TV."

"What kind of guy does she like? What's her type?" He inquired.

I blushed a little bit thinking about it. "I dunno. Brave, muscular, stuff like that."

"Perfect! That's the easiest of all. Just do something heroic like pull her out of the way of a bike or pick a fight with someone for checking her out and she'll be all yours."

"You think?"

He nodded.

We finished our assignment and moved onto the next subject. I tapped the end of my pencil on the desk nervously all day, only stopping last period when Iida tapped my shoulder. I looked up to him from my desk. "What?" I asked. He showed me a little silver key as if this explained anything. "What's that?" I was getting a little annoyed.

"It's for the closet." He said. I shrugged, still completely lost. "The cleaning closet." He clarified. "Today is your turn to clean the room."

Shit, I forgot. No… this was going to mess up all my plans… "Can't I do it tomorrow morning?" I asked.

"Tomorrow is Saturday." He reminded me.

I groaned in frustration and let my head fall onto my desk. No… Why today of all days? Was this fate's way of telling me that I should stop thinking that way about Izuku? That I should stop trying? The greenette in the desk beside me spoke up. "I'll help, Kacchan." He offered. "I bet we can do it in twenty minutes."

I looked over to him. He had one earbud in and he smiled brightly. How did he manage to be so happy and optimistic? Especially when he had to live with his anxiety. He really was a miraculous person. I just nodded once to his proposal.

'Even if I have feelings for him… why should I think that I deserve a person like him?' I wondered. 'Deku is nicer than anyone else and cuter than anyone else and better than anyone else… So, would the universe really let someone as great as him be stuck with a person like me? The universe is cruel so maybe I have a fighting chance.'

After class, when everyone had left, Deku stayed back with me like he had promised. "Hey… you don't have to help." I mentioned, unlocking the closet in the back of the room. "There's dust and crud everywhere. Won't that bother you?" I asked.

"Cleaning actually relaxes me a lot." He replied.

I pulled out a broom, mop, and a bucket full of cleaning products. "But I bet you shower and change right after." I predicted.

He nodded. "I'll just go home when we're done and do that."

He went to grab the mop but I moved it out of his reach with my foot, keeping a relaxed face. "There's… somewhere I want to take you after this so just sit down and wait for me, okay?" I said, my cheeks growing slightly peachy.

"We're going somewhere?" He asked, his voice as soft and naïve as always. My heart was beating anxiously.

"If you want to." I answered.

"Of course." He said. "If there's somewhere you want to go, then of course I want to come with." I could sense the smile in his voice and it made my blush deepen.

"Go sit at you desk." I ordered softly.

He did so, putting in his ear buds and resting his head as I began to clean. I glanced over at him often as I worked and soon realized that he had fallen asleep. I leaned the broom against the wall and curiously approached him, squatting down to see his face. He was really cute, even if he did sleep with his mouth open. He looked so calm and peaceful. I remembered a scene from 'Cinnamon Sugar Princess' that I'd seen this morning. The boyfriend fell asleep with his head in the girlfriend's lap and she just played with his hair and watched over him. I wanted to do that with Deku.

I experimentally reached out and wound a lock of his bangs around my index finger, gently twisting it with my thumb. It was really soft and had a clean smell to it. 'I wonder if I'm the first to do this to you.' I thought. 'Deku…do you have a crush on someone else? Will you ask someone else to play with your hair like this?' The thought made my chest ache. "Does it mean I like you if I can't stand to share you with anyone else?" I whispered to the sleeping boy before standing upright again and taking up the broom. I finished the chores in less than an hour. When I was done, I put away the cleaning things, locked up the closet, slipped the key into the teacher's desk, then nudged Midoriya. He didn't wake up right away. He grumbled stubbornly and readjusted.

"Deku." I coaxed, nudging him again.

This time, his eyes flickered open. He was always confused when he woke up. He looked around then at me. "When did I fall asleep?"

"A while ago. I'm done cleaning up now, let's go."

He tiredly stood up and reached for his bag but I took it instead and slung it over my shoulder. "I've got it." I said, keeping up my casual and cool façade.

"Kacchan? You're acting differently today." He pointed out.

I shrugged as if I hadn't noticed. "Whatdya mean?"

"I dunno… just different." He replied.

I nudged him again gently with my shoulders. "I'm the same. Let's go."

He nodded and followed me out of the school and to the subway. A lot of people were leaving work and school so the subway car was packed pretty full. I kept Deku tucked into my chest and blocked away from the other passengers with my arm holding the pole on the other side of him. I didn't want people bumping into him and making him uncomfortable and… I wanted him all to myself for our proxy date.

Deku bumped around a lot on the ride. He didn't like holding the poles or ceiling railing. "Hold onto my jacket." I told him. He looked up at me curiously.

"Hm?" He asked, surprised by my suggestion.

"You can hold only my jacket. You won't bump around as much." I said again. I had seen this in one of the romance mangas too.

Deku's face flushed as his timid hands took hold of my jacket. As the subway swayed, he pulled against me and I supported him. I really liked feeling him relying on me. I liked the closeness of his little hands and the pulling of his gentle tugging. He looked up to me, his face still pink. "Are you hungry?" He asked.

I shrugged, not wanting to say that I was but he already knew. He reached into my backpack and, as if by magic, pulled out a bag of seaweed crackers. I was stunned. "When did those get in there?" I asked in awe.

"I put them in there this morning." He replied, tearing the bag open and offering it to me. I accepted gratefully and started eating. "You're always hungry after school." He said with a smile.

God dammit… I wanted him to be my boyfriend. He was perfect, like from a TV drama or something. Anyone would sell their kidney to have such a cute, thoughtful, lover. But then again… a boy dating a boy was weird… Would I really be okay with introducing him as my boyfriend? Or even being honest about that sort of thing at school? Would I really be brave enough to walk around town holding hands with him? Even if he accepted my request, would I actually be able to do what I want to do with him?

The Subway let out at our station and we exited. Even though the parade wouldn't start for another three hours, people were already crowding the streets. "Hey, don't go wandering away, okay?" I said.

Deku's face was still tinted pink as he nodded and stayed close to my side. I felt his fist latched onto my sleeve. 'I wonder if this is too much for him? Was I being inconsiderate when I brought him here? Should we just go home like usual?' I looked to him. "Deku… is this okay?" I asked.

The greenette was giving me an especially cute expression that I didn't quite recognize. "It's okay. Just stay close." He replied. My heart beat heavily for him. I wanted to keep him close, to keep him safe, to keep him mine.

As we walked through the little vendors, he seemed to be enjoying himself. He often stopped to marvel at the sparky blown glass or colorful origami goods. He was so friendly, chatting happily with the vendors. It made me smile to watch him. I wanted this brightness with me every day. I wanted to see those glimmering emerald eyes and listen to his sing-song voice go on and on about super heroes. I really liked him… I liked him with my whole heart.

He pulled me by the sleeve enthusiastically into a little vendor's tent. The tent was owned by two young women selling a wide array of knitted and crocheted goods. Deku bounced around the make-shift shop while I casually scrolled, keeping an eye on him all the while. I found one thick, fluffy, scarf that had been crocheted using a multitude of effervescent colors. There were rich greens, gentle blues, and soft yellows. It looked like a sunny summer day if you squinted your eyes and let all the colors blend together into a pallet of happy feelings. I asked one of the girls about it and she said that her inspiration was keeping summer in your heart even in the cold winter. I bought it and shoved it in my bag while Deku was asking the other owner about her business.

When we got out of the shop and back into the street, I pulled the scarf out of my bag and wrapped it around his neck, my face flushed. Thankfully, the sun was starting to sink behind the trees and my blush wasn't as noticeable. The whole street was glittering with string lights that decorated every vendor's tent. Live music mumbled on in the background and people chattered idly. Deku watched my actions quietly, his mouth a little agape.

I diverted my gaze, embarrassed. "It's supposed to get cold tonight and we have to stay out late to see my cousin's performance so…" I mumbled.

"Kacchan…" His little voice returned. It seemed like he wanted to ask me something but he decided against it and just smiled back at me, making my heat race. "Is it really okay for me to have this?" He asked. I nodded. "Thank you! I really like it!"

I turned around to hide how red my face was. "I want to get something to eat." I announced, changing the subject for my own comfort. I led him off to a dumpling vendor and ordered myself two fat pork buns. Deku wouldn't let me get him anything. "What are you going to eat then? Corn on the cob? Grilled squid?" I offered.

He shook his head. "I'll just eat when I get home." He said.

"It's already been five hours since lunch. You have to eat something, Deku, Non-negotiable. What should we get?"

He thought about it before shyly responding. "How about… taiyaki?" He compromised.

I rewarded him with a smile which visibly brought up his spirits before leading him away to a taiyaki vendor. He chose the strawberry flavor and I paid. "Are you sure? I can pay for it myself…" He said.

"I invited you so it's on me." I dismissed, handing over the colorful bills. He leaned against me slightly to show that he was appreciative.

After that, we went to find good seats on a park bench and waited for the parade. Deku ate slowly, blowing on the pastry over and over as clouds of steam rose up from it. I smiled as I watched him. "You don't normally smile this much." He noted. "You seem really happy today."

"It's been a good day." I excused, taking a bite out of the bun.

"Is there someone you like, Kacchan?" he blurted out. I could tell from his tone that he was nervous about asking this question.

"Huh?" I blushed.

"I… Sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop… but I heard you asking Kirishima earlier about how to ask someone out."

"What's it to you?" I grumbled, accidentally getting defensive out of habit. I bit my lip.

"I just… if you start dating someone… I won't get to be around so much… I've gotten used to hanging out with you every day. I don't want to guilt you or anything, I don't mean to do that at all… I just… I want to know so I can be ready when it happens. No matter what… I… I'll support you, Kacchan."

There was an ache growing in my chest. 'You'd support me?' I wanted him to say he'd be really upset about it or angry. "Why? Isn't there someone you're interested in too? You can't cling to friends forever, you should find someone special and give your time to them instead of bothering me." I suggested coldly. I wanted to push him away. I want to see if he'd take the bait and choose someone else. It would be better this way. I wanted him to make it clear to me that he would never like me and that we weren't compatible at all so I could give up and move on. But on the other hand… he was my first crush so I knew he's take the biggest chunk of me with him when he left.

I didn't hear any response from him for a few moments so I glanced at him. His eyes were watery but he was holding it in. "So it's true?" His little voice asked, trembling. "You like someone else?" He dropped his head so his fluffy tufts of hair covered his eyes. He couldn't hide the dark speckles on his lap that formed as slow tears fell from his face. "You know… I normally don't mind your teasing but this is just mean… Is it because of what I told you? My secret? After you knew that, you still went ahead and treated me like this just to mess with my feelings? So is this like a practice date or something? For when you ask the real one? That's so mean, Bakugo-san… because you knew how this would make me feel but you did it anyways."

I took hold of his jaw and made him look at me, frowning. He scowled back at me, his eyes pink and glossy. "Don't call me Bakugo-san, Idiot." I scolded.

"Oh, so I'm a fool and an idiot now?" He growled in response. This side of him lit a fire in me.

"A huge, colossal, insufferable, idiot. Can't you even tell when I'm being sincere?" I snapped.

His snarl remained for a moment more before he began to understand what I meant. His expression changed to one of confusion and shock. I let go of his chin. "I'm sincere, you idiot. I asked you to come here with me intentionally, I wanted to see what it would be like to do something like this with you." I thought I was having a heart attack because it was beating was so rapidly.

Suddenly, Deku stood up and turned his back on me. "What the hell are you doing now?" I asked, annoyed.

"You didn't ask me properly…" He mumbled. "Shouldn't you have told me why were came here? Then I wouldn't have assumed…"

"Are you going to pretend that when you suggested seeing a movie together, you weren't doing the same thing?" I pointed out.

He sat back down, pulling the scarf higher on his face to hide his embarrassment. "Still… you told me to like someone else. You said that on purpose just to hurt me."

"And you called me Bakugo-san with the same intention. I'd say we're even." I said.

"Do you actually… do you like me?" He asked, peeking up at me from his scarf shelter nervously. I smiled a bit.

"Is this really the way you want to talk about that? Shouldn't something like that be said for the first time in a special way when both parties are ready? Not after a fight in a park at night."

He nodded and looked disappointedly back into his lap. 'Don't make that face…' I thought, 'Now's not the time to say those words… just enjoy this'. I reached down and held his hand. I had wondered about this feeling for the whole last week. His knuckles weren't as big as I imagined they'd be and his palm was warmer than I had predicted. I wrapped my fingers around securely, wanting to keep him there at my side. That's what I'd always wanted.

He gasped and looked from the hand to me then back to the hand. After recovering from the shock, he slowly reciprocated the gesture, his thin fingers trembling. His whole face was bright red. My smile widened. There didn't have to be confessions or kisses today. That would have been too much for either of us. This was more than enough. It was an unspoken promise that in time, those words would be spoken and, until then, our hearts would remain reserved.

Even when the parade finally came by, I didn't let go of Deku's hand. I idly ran my thumb over the fine details of his hand so I could make a clear memory of this moment. I soaked in the rhythmic thumping of the drums and the happy cheering. The dim lights, the bright colors, the comfortable warmth of Deku's hand. I needed to savor this. I wanted to pluck this moment out of history and shove it in my pocket so I could hold it and it would never fade away.

Koya's class came and went. He responded to my waving but couldn't see the little connection between me and the boy at my side. When the parade ended, we walked in silence back to the subway platform, our hands finally losing grip on each other. Just like before, I used my body to cut him off from the crowded subway car and he held onto my jacket. His head nodded sleepily. "Deku… it's only 9:30." I whispered.

"Hm?" He shook the sleepiness out of his head. "I know, I know." He responded. In a few minutes, he went back to dropping and catching his heavy head. I watched him, smiling.

"Come closer." I said, with one arm gently pulling him closer to my chest. He blushed but followed my order, leaning against me. I might have imagined it but I thought I could feel his heart racing. I wanted to show him that he was special to me, he was mine and I'd take care of him. I wasn't ready yet to verbally claim him but I wanted to make it clear to him that he couldn't flirt with anyone else. He was defiantly going to be mine when the time was ready.

Once we arrived in town, I walked him back to his house. It was only a few blocks away from mine. "Wait here, I'll fetch you the shirt you lent me." He said as we arrived at his door.

"Don't worry, you can keep it." I said.

"I can keep it?" He asked, surprised.

I nodded. "Yeah…" I didn't want to tell him the truth of why I was being so generous. "It doesn't really fit me anymore. Keep it. Besides, I don't want you to wake your family up with all the running around and door slamming."

"Hm? Oh, there's no one here." He admitted. "Dad's abroad as always and mom has a meeting in Shanghai. She won't be back until Sunday morning."

I narrowed by brows, concerned. "No one stays here with you?"

He yawned. "Well, Mr. Tamura, our family driver is here for a few hours during the day and there's a few other people like the housekeeper and pool guy." He explained.

I remembered last time I was at Deku's house. His mother didn't come back until well into the evening. Was that normal for Deku? That seemed like such a lonely life. "You don't mind being here alone?" I asked.

"Well… I mind a little but I'm pretty used to it. Besides, I get to hang out with you after school so I'm not alone for long." He smiled but for the first time, I could see that it wasn't completely sincere.

"Deku, don't smile if you don't mean it." I scolded. His smile was sacred to me, I hated to see it used inappropriately. On the other hand, I didn't want to pry so I quickly came up with a solution. "Since I got us dinner, why don't you do breakfast? There's a good buffet around here that does an early bird special."

He gave me a bright, sincere, smile. "Forget the buffet, I'll cook it here."

"Are you a good cook?" I asked.

He nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, I am."

I nodded once. "I'll be here at eight." I said.

"Okay, Kacchan. Get home safe."

We parted ways and I went back home, arriving at the same time as my mom. She pulled out a pot and began preparing macaroni for us. I told her about the festival and Koya's performance but I wasn't able to mention the boy who was at my side the whole time. I didn't know what to say or how. Since starting the new school, my mom and I had grown more distant since she had to work so much. I just wasn't confident about bringing up something so weird with her.

We ate and I went upstairs after telling her that I was going to study with my tutor tomorrow. All she knew about Deku was that he often tutored me and he was nice to me. She'd crossed paths with him a few times at home and they had politely introduced themselves but that was all. If I told her now that I was officially pursuing him as a romantic interest, it would come as a huge shock to her.

In the morning, I rolled out of bed and brought myself to Deku's house tiredly, not thinking twice about my wardrobe. He opened the door after the second nock, all smiles. "Good morning! This is the first time I've seen you in the morning outside of school, you look so tired." He mentioned then gasped. "Sorry! I realize that that could be taken the wrong way. You look the same as always." He said.

"You already told the truth; your lie won't help now." I replied in a relaxed voice. I wasn't mad, just a little amused. I looked him over and realized he was wearing my shirt. My cheeks went red. "That's my shirt…" I blurted out.

"Yeah, it's really comfy to sleep in." He told me with a smile. My face was burning as I imagined Deku asleep in my shirt. He tugged my sleeve, telling me silently to come inside. He led me to a barstool at kitchen island where I sat down. "Everything's almost ready. I didn't know if you preferred miso soup or natto so I made both." He said, taking the lid off a pan on the stove and flipping the sizzling fish.

"Remember when I said I'd be pissed if you hurt yourself again. That's still in effect." I warned as I watched him.

"I won't." He promised, pulling out two charred fish and sitting them on a plate. He put it on the island, followed by a bowl of rice, pickled veggies, miso soup, natto, and thin omlettes. I'd never seen such a big breakfast prepared for just two people.

"Are you sure this is just for us? Why don't you invite your driver and housekeepers, there's plenty to go around." I teased.

"It may look like it, but you eat a lot." He fired back, smirking a tiny bit as he set down a pair of chopsticks and a bowl in front of me. I scowled at his remark but he took no notice. He sat down beside me. "Are you going to wear your jacket inside?" He asked.

I casually slumped it off. Underneath, I was wearing a black tank top. I started eating before noticing that Deku was watching me. "What?" I asked, annoyed.

"You have a lot of scars." He noted. I immediately pulled my jacket back on. I had gotten comfortable and forgotten to keep them covered.

"Mind your own business." I growled defensively. Even through I liked Deku so much, I still had aggressive instincts.

"It's okay, I have them too." He said. I noticed movement in the corner of my eye and glanced to him only to see that he was wriggling out of his shirt. "See?" He said, showing me his chest that was streaked with pail lines.

I couldn't peel my eyes away from him. They were quite noticeable. 'Did someone do that to him?' I wondered, my heart racing. 'Who? Why? Where are they now?' "How did you get those?" I asked.

"Little things here and there. Some I got from schoolyard scuffles, most of them I don't remember. They probably would have healed up okay but I never let them heal properly. I would clean them incessantly and pull away dead skin compulsively so they scarred up like this. What about you?"

I bit my lip for a minute before deciding to level the playing field. I pulled off my tank top. My whole torso was marked up like a calk board. Some scars were pale and others were rich red. "The reason I've been to so many schools is because I fought a lot." I admitted. "I fought with everyone all the time and I fought hard."

"Why did you fight them?" He asked. I had never been asked why, just scolded. I sensed no judgement or fear in his voice. It felt safe to tell him the truth.

"They always started it… I hate bullies so whenever I saw someone getting picked on, I always had to step in. It worked out well for the other kids because the bullies weren't picking on them anymore and now, they could join in and gang up on me… They always turned against me…. and if they didn't, things would get worse for them so I just decided to be mean to everyone and that way, everyone could get along and be united against a common enemy."

"And that enemy… was you?" Deku asked. I nodded. "Wasn't that so lonely?" He pried. I shrugged, not wanting to admit that he was exactly right. "That's not how you are at school now. You have so many friends…"

"Deku… That's because of you." I explained. "The reason I can hold back who I really am and make friends with everyone… is because I know that you're always going to be on my side, so I'm not afraid. Before, I hated people getting close because I could only imagine them growing to hate me then leaving me... but I know you'll always be there so I can't lose everything and for that reason… It's not so scary." I said, slipping my shirt back on. I glanced up and saw him blushing profusely. "Since I spilled the beans, it's your turn now. You didn't just forget all those scars. Where did you get them from?"

He shook his head. "I really don't know… If I'm being honest, I don't remember very much at all about being a kid. My earliest memories are all around first and second grade. We don't have pictures of before that either so… I dunno…" He dressed himself as well and took a bite of his fish.

"Did you ask your mom?" I tried the fish too. It melted in my mouth.

"She doesn't know either." He said.

"Weird." I mumbled, completely distracted by the delicious food in front of me. "What the hell did you do to this rice? Why does it taste so good?" I was amazed. I always ate rice out of a 5-pound sack, I didn't know it could taste like this.

"I fry it raw in a pan with cumin seeds before cooking it so it has the flavor." He replied.

"Where did you learn to cook?" I asked, trying everything on the table. I didn't like pickled plums until I tried the ones he had made.

"I learned slowly from lots of places and practiced a lot. I don't like eating out or buying stuff premade so I've always done this." He explained. His chest was puffed out in pride.

"You're really good at it." It was rare for me to give such a straight-forward compliment but he rewarded me with the cutest promise ever.

"You think so? You know, I'm really good at making sweets too. For Valentine's Day, I'll make you a hundred different cakes and chocolates~ Do you like sweets, Kacchan?"

I didn't but I still nodded my head fervently. 'So cute… so goddamn cute… will we be a couple by Valentine's Day?' I wondered. I imagined spending Valentine's Day with Deku. It would be adorable.

We finished eating and I helped him with the dishes. I washed while he dried. "You know…" I said, handing him a dripping pan, "If you're ever lonely over here…" I suddenly felt too embarrassed to continue with my proposal.

He took the pan, drying it. "Yes?" He prompted.

"Then… you… you can, um… like, text me or something. Whatever. I just don't want you to be here alone at night. There are crazy people wandering around and drug-dealers and vampires and stuff…"

"Vampires?" He asked with a chuckle.

I was about to defend myself when we heard keys in the door. We both turned around, surprised as the door opened to reveal a muscular, blonde, man as tall as the ceiling. My arm immediately jutted out in front of Deku protectively and my feet found a ready stance. The stranger was a giant. He could crush me in an instant if he wanted to. "Dad!" Deku cried, pushing past my arm to run into the huge man's arms.

'Dad?' I wondered. 'Is that guy Deku's dad? No way… no, there's no way that man is Deku's dad. He's five times his size and he's not even Japanese! Blonde hair, blue eyes, enormous build… no way. Deku is dark-haired and small like his mom, there's no way they're related.' I thought.

"You're home! I didn't get a text!" Deku said excitedly, hugging the man.

"My client had a heart-attack." He explained. "Don't worry, he's fine, but we had to reschedule our meeting and it turned out that I have a few free days." The man looked at me. I was still shocked and on guard. "Izuku, who's your friend?" He asked his son.

"Kacchan, come here." Deku coaxed, calling me to him with a hand gesture that I apprehensively followed. "Kacchan, this is my dad. Dad, this is my friend from school, Kacchan."

I couldn't help but notice that he only introduced me as a friend. Did his dad not know about his preferences or did he, like me, not know how to define our relationship? I bowed respectfully and mumbled a greeting. Deku explained that he had made us breakfast before droning on about how I was a good person and great friend. It was really embarrassing and unnecessary. I felt a huge, heavy, hand pat my back. "It's nice to meet you, Kacchan." The booming voice said, making my muscles tighten. 'What if he finds out that I'm pursuing Deku? Would he kill me? He would probably smash me flat with his gorilla hands.' I still couldn't shake the feeling that this man was not blood-related to Deku. The more I studied his face, the more I was certain of it. 'Why didn't Deku say anything about it? Does he know? Oh my God… is it possible that I'm right but Deku really believes this man is his father?' I wondered. I forced my self to smile so I wouldn't lead onto my internal fear and suspicion.

"I'm surprised you invited a friend over, Izuku. You never bring anyone home." Mr. Midoriya said.

"Mom already knows Kacchan, she's fine with him coming over. Besides, he bought me dinner last night at the Fall Festival so I was just repaying the favor." Deku explained.

Mr. Midoriya looked at me with interest. 'You idiot!' I scolded mentally. 'Shut up! He's definitely going to kill me…' "M-my cousin was in the festival, . We went to see him perform then I brought Deku right back home and didn't come inside." I said. 'Shut up! Oh my god, I'm so stupid! I'm making it sound like something happened! Nothing happened!' Deku's dad just make me so nervous.

"Deku?" He asked.

"It's a nickname, Dad." The greenette said. "Kacchan gave it to me~"

I wanted to leave. I glanced around for a window I could jump out of. "B-b-because he works so hard at school, Mr. Midoriya. I-it's to encourage him to study hard..." I explained, trying to hide the other meaning of his nickname.

The huge blonde erupted into booming laughter. "I like you, Kacchan." He announced bluntly. "I was going to take Izuku out on the town today, why don't you come along?"

I was surprised by his forwardness. He and Izuku weren't completely unlike, they were both blunt. "Thank you, sir, but I have to get home." I said.

"Such a diligent student. Your studies can wait a few hours, can't they?" He asked.

"Yeah, Kacchan." Deku coaxed. "Come with us."

I wanted to do anything he asked me to do but I really couldn't. "I have to go to work." I admitted, knowing they would just continue to ask.

"Work?" Deku echoed.

I nodded, blushing a little. My aunt and uncle owned a small restaurant and I picked up a few hours from them when I had the time. Recently, I had been working more so I could save up money to do fun things with Deku. I went to the door and slipped my shoes back on. "Don't say anything about it at school, okay? It's against the rules for students to work."

"Ah… okay, I won't." He replied as I left his house. As I walked home, a few persistent thoughts wracked my brain.

'If I'm right in assuming that that man isn't Deku's biological father, then who is he? Where is Deku's real father? Where did those scars come from? Why doesn't he remember? Who is Deku to me? Could I really make him mine? Would I be able to tell my parents? The school? That huge American? And lastly… when's the next time I can see him?'


	9. Mine

I didn't see Deku for the rest of that weekend, he was busy with his "dad". I worked a few hours each day and managed to save up a little bit for the next time we hung out. Although I tried to think about pleasant things like holding his hand or watching him eat ice cream, I found my mind always coming back to his scars. Who gave them to him and why? I wanted to hurt that person. I wanted to create scars on them, I wanted them to beg forgiveness for hurting a creature as pure as Deku.

On Monday, Deku didn't come to school. He had already told me it was because it was his dad's last day in Japan before he had to go back to work. Over text, it was easy to pretend like I didn't care but I really did. It was going on three days now without seeing him. I had completely rearranged my life around him and now that he wasn't there, I felt a gap in my reality. The person I usually talked to and ate lunch with and hung out after school with was gone. I found myself staring at his desk, my mind trying to come up with a plan B.

As I sat alone that Monday, lazily annotating my notes, a girl came up to me holding a little pink card. She tapped my shoulder to get my attention. I looked up at the annoying blonde. What was her name? Yoga? Something like that. "What?" I asked, my voice cold.

"Izuku-kun isn't coming to school today?" She asked.

Her words made me hyper-aware of the note in her hands. She fumbled with it anxiously. I grew more possessive. "No." I answered.

"You two are good friends, right?" She asked.

"Yeah." Each of my one-word replies stung with annoyance.

"Hey… can you tell me… Does Izuku-kun have a girlfriend?"

"There's someone he likes." I answered.

"Really?" Her face fell. "Who?"

"You wouldn't know her, she goes to a different school." I lied. "They're pretty serious, though."

"Who is it?" She asked again. "Is she from Iwadobi High? Or Makuna Prep?"

I was caught off guard by her knowledge. "I- I don't know." I stuttered.

"Hm? It can't be that serious if his best friend doesn't even know what school she goes to." Monoma chimed in from a desk at my diagonal. He'd been onto my feelings since early on, I absolutely couldn't let him find out that Deku had those same preferences.

"Yeah, that's right~" Toga agreed. "If he didn't tell you something like that, he must not be that into her."

I gritted my teeth. "I think she's homeschooled."

"Homeschooled? How does he know her?" Monoma pushed, trying to break my lie.

"Can you mind your own business? He's already interested in someone else so don't bug him, you'll just annoy him." I said again.

"Well, there's no harm in Himiko-chan leaving him a note, is there? After all, if they're not dating, then she's really not intruding." Monoma learned forward, boasting his cold smile. "Who knows, maybe that other girl is just confused and Izuku really doesn't like her at all. It's so pathetic but unfortunately, it happens like that sometimes. So Kacchan, can you think of any reason that Himiko-chan shouldn't confess her love to Izuku?"

'Because he's mine!' I objected internally. 'Because he has feelings for me too and she should keep her grubby mitts off of him!'. "No." I answered in a dry, harsh, tone.

The girl opened the drawer of his desk and stuck the note in. I watched her place it then leave before turning around and scowling at Monoma. "You're going to tear up that card, right?" He asked once Toga was out of ear shot. "You're so pathetic… people like you are so annoying. You think that, because someone is nice to you, they must be in love with you so you have the right to covet them like some primitive dog."

"Stop talking or loose your teeth." I threatened. Deku wasn't here to tug my sleeve or look at me with fearful eyes. I was quickly losing control.

"I feel bad for Izuku. Your sick selfishness is going to be what keeps him from finding a real relationship. He's always going to feel responsible for you so he'll stick around to spare your feelings. That's the curse of being nice. You acquire these parasites that feed off your kindness until they've taken your life for themselves. I'm just guessing here but I think it's fair to say that you're the worst thing that's ever happened to Izuku."

I lunged out of my desk at him, ready to go for his throat when a hand grabbed my arm and roughly jerked me off course. I tumbled to the floor, landing hard on my back. Fuck, my spine hurt like all hell. I instinctively got to me feet despite the pain and looked to my assailant.

The red-and-white-haired student glared back at me with a calm but stern scowl. "Is that really how you behave yourself in a classroom? This is high school, not the plains of the Sahara. Grow up." He scolded. He looked to Monoma who was also cautious of this stranger. "You. How did this fight start?" He demanded to know.

The way he commanded respect forced even Monoma to submit. The blonde explained that Toga had left the letter in the desk then said that I had tried to throw it away. It seemed like the junior didn't full believe the story he was being told. He opened Deku's desk and retrieved the note, reading the memo on the front. I recognized on his face a familiar look of jealousy and possessiveness. I was no longer cautious of him and instead aggressive. "Shouldn't you be in your own classroom?" I questioned harshly.

"I came to retrieve Midoriya's homework since he's absent today." He replied in a sturdy voice, not afraid to make eye-contact with me. "A note like this isn't appropriate during school hours. I'll dispose of it." Was all he said before taking a paper-clipped stack of papers off Mr. Mori's desk, snatching the note from Midoriya's drawer, and leaving.

I watched the junior go, confused and angry by his actions. 'He tutors Deku, right? Is it possible that he acquired the same feelings as me for the green-eyed boy? That look in his eyes… I know that look…" My blood ran hot. 'Of course so many people are interested in him too. Who wouldn't they be? If I really want to stay with him, I'll have to be prepared to fight for him. I have to be the best. But… I'm not the best… That candy-cane guy is really cool. He even intimidated Monoma. And he's way smarter than me… Fuck…'

Class began but I found myself suck in a cycle of reassurance and doubt. 'At the festival, it really seemed like he had feelings for me too… but then again, I initiated everything. I held his hand, I pulled him against me on the train. Was he just going along with it like Monoma said? No… no. He told me he drank the coffee that Todoroki gave him because he wasn't as comfortable around him, which means he likes me better. But Candy-Cane-Head is taller than me and he's not hideous either…'

I was so relieved to be released to lunch. I needed a break from my thoughts. When Deku was around, it was easier not to worry. The day passed so slowly. I checked the clock over and over again but it seemed like it wasn't moving at all. While walking home, I tried to think of a reason why I could stop by Deku's house but there was none. Todoroki would be dropping off his assignments and the last thing he needed was his invaluable time with his dad being interrupted by me.

I went home and did my homework in silence. When I struggled with a question, I asked about it out loud, still used to having my tutor at my side. When the homework was done, I really didn't know what else to do so I read through the texts between Deku and myself. 'Should I text? No, I'll just bother him.' I thought. 'Well… I should at least check and make sure his homework got to him. That Candy-Cane-Dipshit let him walk home alone in the rain, I can't trust him to do anything right.'

Bakugo: Hey. Did Candy-Cane bring you your homework?

Midoriya: Is that your nickname for Todoroki-san? Yeah, he just left.

I checked the clock on my phone. 'What does he mean he just left!? School got out two hours ago! Has he been over there all this time?' I wondered. 'Did that note this morning encourage him to confess his feeling to Deku? That little fucker, I'll kill him.' I started typing angrily.

Bakugo: Oh really? Did you guys hang out?

Midoriya: Can we talk about it later? Gtg. Are you free for dinner tonight?

It was a simple yes or no question so why did we have to talk about it later? Did something actually happen? I absolutely did not want to have dinner with Deku's huge dad but I couldn't stand not knowing what happened with Todoroki.

Bakugo: Yes.

Midoriya: Great. 7pm my place. Ttyl.

Bakugo: K

I put away my phone, frustrated. 'I guess it's fair for other people to want to confess to Deku, we haven't really made anything official… but still! There's an unspoken relationship between us, a mutual knowledge that we're on the way to a real relationship. Shit. Do I have to speed things up? Should I confess today or tomorrow just to keep him from choosing someone else? Is that fair, though? Rushing things so he can't find someone better than me? No… I shouldn't be so selfish… Monoma was right… my selfishness could drain his life away if I'm not careful. Maybe he should be with Todoroki. He's rich and tall and smart and he's the captain of the swim team. If he started dating Deku, I bet everyone would treat Deku well and he would be cool. On the other hand, if he ends up with someone like me… they'd whisper about him behind his back and he's loose friends. I have to want what's best for him, right? So if Todoroki confesses, then I should just let him accept and give up, right?'

I tried to let that resolution settle in my mind but I couldn't. 'No! Todoroki already has so much! He has good grades and popularity and a wealthy family, he doesn't get my Deku too!' I stopped myself upon realizing that I had thought of the greenette as 'my Deku'.

"Dammit, Deku…" I grumbled, shoving my head in my pillow. I was so frustrated. I wanted him to mine, I did, but I wanted to take my time making it that way. I didn't want to have to rush, I didn't want to spit out those words at some random time, in some random place. What I wanted was to stick my head through a fuck'n wall.

Seven came around much later than I wanted it to. I shoved my shoes on and made my way to Deku's house. Mr. Midoriya opened the door for me. "Kacchan!" He welcomed in his overly loud voice. I forced a polite smile. Having him call me Kacchan felt weird.

"Hello, Mr. Midoriya. Um… is Deku here?" I asked.

"Mr. Midoriya? You can just call me Yagi." He said. I nodded. There was no way in hell I was going to be that casual with Deku's dad. "Izuku had to get some last-minute ingredients, he'll be back soon."

My brows knit together in concern. "Is he out alone?" I asked.

"Of course not. Mr. Tamura drove him. Do you really worry about him that much? It's good to see that my boy has such a considerate friend." The American blinded me with his huge, radiant, smile.

I nodded again. "Hey, um, was a red-and-white-haired kid over here earlier?" I asked. It was killing me.

"Him? Oh, yeah, he and Izuku talked for a while. Why? Is he giving my boy trouble at school?" The man opened the fridge and pulled out two beers. He sat down on the couch and invited me to sit with him. I did so out of awkward obligation.

"No, he's no one to worry about." I replied although I was very worried.

I watched in awe as Mr. Midoriya opened the beers with his bare hands. He held one out to me. I looked to the beer then to him then back to the beer. Was he serious? Did he know how old I was? "I-I'm not old enough…" I began.

"How old are you?" He asked.

"I'm almost seventeen…" I answered.

Surprisingly, he kept holding out the drink to me. "Go ahead, you're close enough. This is how men talk." He said.

I accepted the drink, not knowing what else to do. I took a sip of the vinegary piss juice and bit the inside of my cheek to restrain a grimace. "What did… um… what did Deku and Todoroki talk about?" I asked.

"I don't know, they spoke outside." He answered. "Why?"

"Nothing." I responded defensively.

"What do you think that boy wants from him?" He took another sip from his beer so I did too.

"I don't know." I lied bitterly.

"Izuku is a good boy, he attracts a lot of people." Mr. Midoriya explained. "Good people and bad people. He easily trusts everyone, that's why I worry about him. I'm not here all the time to make sure people are treating him right and, in all honesty, that's not my job anymore. He's growing up, he can decide who to trust for himself. I know he trusts you so I'll take his word for it and trust you too."

I blushed and raised the bottle to my lips as a distraction. Did Deku tell his dad about me? What did he say? "D-did he say that?" I asked.

The man chuckled. "He talks about you a lot." He revealed, making my blush worse. He noticed. "Oh? You're not drunk already, right? You've only had three sips. So that face must mean…"

I looked away from him. I did not want this strange man prying into my personal and confusing feelings.

"Relax, Kid." He said. "I'll just give my speech and we'll never mention what is or isn't happening right now." He said. I was still too embarrassed and panicked to make eye-contact. "Son, a man looks a man in the eyes when they're having a conversation." His voice was stern now. I obediently lifted my eyes to him. He was so big and intimidating. My instincts told me to either hop onto my feet and fight like a deranged animal or roll over. Thankfully, he began the speech before I could choose. "Izuku always sees the best in everyone which means that, more often then not, he'll allow people to treat him badly. He's not weak, it's quite the opposite. He's strong enough to love people, even in their ugliest moments. That is a beautiful thing about him but that doesn't give you the right to abuse his good nature. Those scars on him are from someone he loved and trusted, someone he wouldn't say no to or turn away from. The man who hurt him like that… I destroyed him." He said in a completely serious and harsh voice, making my skin prickle. "I broke his ribs, I made him bleed into the street, and I made sure that he will never see Izuku or Inko ever again. Physical and emotional abuse is all the same to me so, I suggest that if you don't have the ability to treat Izuku right, then you quietly disappear from his life. What happened to him before will not happen to him again. Do we understand each other?" He asked.

'He's going to kill me… Oh my God, he's going to murder me.' I nodded quickly, fearing for my well-being. His smile easily returned.

"That's all, then~" He said in a relaxed tone as he drained the last of his beer.

I sat at his side silently for a long minute before gathering my courage enough to speak. "Hey… um… So, what does Deku like to do?" I asked. I needed to change the subject so he would hopefully fell less inclined to kill me.

"Hmm…" He thought. "He likes exciting places but it's kind of a double-edged sword because he can get a little overwhelmed when things get too loud or too tight. Here. He picked this up today at the mall." He pulled a folded-up brochure out of his pocket and handed it to me. "It seemed like he wanted to go but he wouldn't ask."

I looked it over. It was a brochure advertising a new exhibit at the local aquarium. I quirked my eyebrows. "He wants to go here?" I asked.

"Seems like it. Now look, that's the only freebee I'm giving out today so don't ask me relationship advice. It's better that I don't get involved in stuff like that."

I nodded and put the brochure in my pocket. "Can I ask you one more thing? It's not a relationship thing." I promised.

"Sure." He took my half-empty beer and downed the rest of it.

"The person who hurt Deku before… were they blood related?" I asked.

He sighed. "I think it's clear to you that I'm not Izuku's biological father. Well… Izuku conveniently forgot that and he seems happier this way. He forgot the man before me, the one who hurt him. To be honest… I don't mind. No one needs to live with painful memories like that. If he thinks I'm his biological dad, as far-fetched as that seems, then I'm perfectly fine with it."

I nodded. So my suspicions were right. "Will he ever remember?" I asked.

"I don't know. He might. If he does, then I'm relying on you. He won't want to come to his mother or I so let him go to you. He'll need someone."

I nodded, taking the responsibility seriously. The front door opened and the cute greenette entered carrying two huge brown paper bags full of groceries. I got up and snatched one from him without asking. He protested a little but I didn't react. We set them down in the kitchen. "What were you two talking about?" He asked before catching sight of the empty bottles. "Dad! Did you make Kacchan drink!?" He scolded then grabbed my cheeks, looking at me with concern.

My face flushed at the contact. "H-hey! Let me go." I complained, trying lamely to wriggle out of his grip.

"You're so flushed, are you drunk?" He asked.

"No, I'm not drunk." I grumbled, knocking his hands off me. "Don't just grab people." I scolded.

"I'll make you some green tea. You should lay down." He said.

"I'm not drunk!" I insisted.

Mr. Midoriya chuckled and got up from the couch. "I just remembered I have to get a new checkbook while I'm in town." He announced, leaving with Mr. Tamura. I knew damn well that he was just making up an excuse to leave us alone. The door closed and I turned back to Deku, wearing a scowl.

"Hey, why was Todoroki bothering you? What did he want?" I asked. I had to know.

"Huh? Nothing…" He said, avoiding eye-contact with me. He was such an obvious liar. I stepped closer to him, causing him to back up slowly into the wall where I cornered him, bracing myself against the wall so he was boxed in by my arms. He looked up to me with wide-eyes.

I hated thinking that Todoroki was stepping in on my territory, it triggered my possessive personality. "This isn't something that I'm willing to back down from, Deku. What did he say to you?" I asked again, my voice low and commanding.

"He… He just mentioned that he met a few of my classmates. He told me about the letter… he told me about how you tried to rip it up then tried to kill Monoma." Deku answered. I rolled my eyes. That candy-cane fucker was trying to exaggerate everything to make me look bad. Deku wriggled a little. By watching him, I would tell that he wasn't afraid of my behavior, he was actually responding well to it. "He told me that I should ignore any letters I get and that no one in my grade is suitable for me."

"Let me guess, he suggested himself?" I assumed.

Deku blushed bright pink and diverted his gaze. I felt a rock in my stomach. For a moment, there was more than just jealousy and possessiveness. There was a little fear too. 'This could be it…' I thought, 'this could be where the story finally changes direction and a new love interest steals the show…' Deku's sparkling emerald eyes shyly lifted. "He said something like that… but…of course… I had to reject the offer…" I could see in his eyes that he was trying to say more to me. He wanted to make sure his point was coming across clearly so I assured him it was.

One of my arms slipped from the wall to hook around the small of his back, jerking him closer to me. His chest was against mine, sharing warmth. I still held a cold seriousness in my gaze. "Good. He should learn to keep his hands off what isn't his." I growled.

Deku melted into my touch. I could see what he meant when he said he liked strong people. My aggressive advances were met with submission as if it were completely natural for him. His behavior only fueled mine. I felt like a more confident and dominant version of myself. I curiously leaned my head in against his cheek until I could clearly smell his body wash. My lips met the soft warmth of his jaw bone not once but twice, lingering on each kiss for a moment. He stayed completely still for me, trusting and willing.

I leaned back, looking him in the eyes. "Don't accept anyone else's feelings." I ordered in a much softer tone. He nodded, his face burning red. With that, I loosened my arm on him and let him free but he didn't dart or even look away. He stood in front of me, watching me closely. He raised a hand and tapped his cheek twice with one finger.

"Can I have one here too?" He asked innocently.

"Wh-what?" My face was so hot from all the blushing.

"Please?" He encouraged.

"F-fine…" I grumbled, still trying to play it cool though he had clearly caught me off guard.

He nodded, showing me his cheek. I leaned in and pecked it. Deku was smiling. "Other side too." He requested.

"Knock it off." I grumbled, embarrassed. "Being pushy is annoying, not cute."

He smirked. "I'm not cute? That's weird…Todoroki had a different opinion…" He said, perfectly aware that he was irking me. 'Is he trying to piss me off? That little shit…'. "He said the way I smile is really cute…"

My hand cupped over his mouth. "Shut up about him." I ordered harshly. Fuck, he was playing me like a goddamn fiddle. He was getting exactly the reaction he wanted.

"He said I'm cute even when I'm pouting." He antagonized, his voice muffled by my hand. Dammit. I just wanted to shut him up! I removed my hand and replaced it with my mouth, locking his lips into mine. I succeeded in shutting him up but I really didn't know what to do next. That was my first kiss. The only people that I saw kiss were my parents and actors, I had no idea how to do it. After a few awkward moments, I broke contact and leaned back, completely embarrassed. Not only had the little greenette manipulated me so easily, I had just had my first kiss and it was super weird.

"I gotta go home." I excused, turning to leave for the door when my sleeve was caught by the short boy. He held on hard. I looked back at him, embarrassed, angry, and scared. 'That was shit. That kiss was complete garbage. Oh my God, I look so lame right now. Fuck! That's not how I wanted that to happen. I thought I'd be ready, I thought I'd have more time.'

"Sorry for teasing you like that, Kacchan. Please don't go." He couldn't hide his smile. He rubbed his lips together, diverting his eyes and blushing. "I just… you've always been shy. I knew you wouldn't do something like that unless I pushed you. I know you wanted to wait and prepare, I'm sorry I messed that up… it just seemed like you were freaking yourself out." His green eyes lifted to meet mine. They were sparking with effervescent joy. "So there, I gave you my first kiss so you don't have to worry anymore. I'm definitely yours."

I was stunned into silence by his cute forwardness. Had he actually just said that? Had he called himself mine? Deku led me by the sleeve to the kitchen island where I sat down, completely mind-fucked. "You're not angry at me, are you?" He asked, sitting next to me. "If anything, I should be angry with you for being so stubborn. During the fieldtrip when you found out about me, you must have known then that I really liked you. That was more than a week ago." He put his pouty face down on the counter.

I still couldn't respond. 'Deku is mine? He said so himself… I didn't even have to claim him, he just willingly gave himself to me… Who is this person? Where's shy, cute, Deku? No… he's always been like this. He's shy and cute but he's also clear about what he wants and the kind of person who will push others. He was the one who kept insisting on following me around and forced me to take his phone number. Even now, He's the same way.' Having a romantic relationship with him was not exactly what I'd imagined. I thought he'd be passive and timid, I forgot how determined he was too.

"Kacchan…" His little voice said, breaking my train of thoughts. His voice was suddenly scared and sad. My protective senses became alert. "Kacchan… could it be that… you regret what happened? Did I really push you too far? I… I'm sorry… don't hate me…" He whimpered. His eyes pickled with tears. It was time to stop freaking out and just be a man about it. I affectionately ruffled his hair.

"Idiot…" I grumbled. "You're so stupid… I'm the one who kissed you, right? So obviously, I wanted to…"

"But I bullied you into it." He sniffled. He seemed to switch between two different versions of himself. One was blunt and driven while the other was submissive and sweet. I liked both a lot.

"Well… I kind of needed to be kicked in the ass so… I guess it's fine." I muttered, offering a little smirk. After a minute, he was able to smile back. "Hey, I want to take you somewhere." I said, pulling the brochure out of my pocket. "The aquarium just opened a new exhibit, have you heard about it?"

His eyes lit up. "The jellyfish room!" He answered. "I-I saw this brochure too, it looks really pretty, right?"

I nodded, glad to see his spirits high as ever. "Let's go this weekend." I suggested. "If you're not busy or anything."

"Yeah, I want to go~" He approved, beaming a smile at me. This seemed like a good time to bring up my most recent mistakes.

"And about school… I kind of told Monoma and that blonde chick that you're super in love with some homeschooled girl that no one knows." I told him.

I read a confusion on his face clearly. "Wh-What? Why did you tell them that?"

"Monoma already knows how I feel about you, he's always known. I wanted to make sure he didn't think you felt the same way. And… I was kind of peeved when blondie wanted to leave you that note." I admitted, embarrassed by my pettiness.

Deku rolled his eyes. "How am I supposed to keep up a lie like that? You know I'm bad at lying."

"Just never, ever, talk to Monoma about anything. It's not lying, it's just not telling the truth."

"Are those two different things?" He asked with a little giggle.

"Yeah, of course." I laughed too.

"So… I really shouldn't say anything about what we are to each other?" He asked.

My heart sank a little. 'Am I being an asshole by asking him to hide this? Of course, normal couples want to be recognized in school but… we're not a normal couple. There's so much that could go wrong and I'm not ready to tell my parents. I don't know what to tell them or how.' I shook my head. "For a while, let's keep other people out of this." I said.

He nodded silently, looking down at his hands.

"I'm sorry…" I muttered. "I-I…I just… I don't…"

"It's okay, I get it. I don't know what to say either." He comforted. "It's just between us right now. Speaking of which, dinner is going to be just between us too if Dad doesn't get home soon. My ham is going to get dry if I leave it in the oven much longer."

My mouth watered at the mention of ham. "I think he left to give us space. Maybe we should just eat without him." I suggested. I could smell the savory meat already.

"You didn't eat when you got home, did you?" He slipped on oven mitts and got the ham out of the oven.

I flushed, embarrassed. I had been too busy worrying about Todoroki's confession. "I didn't have time." I lied.

"Then we can start eating without Dad. He'll be out a while." He said, moving around the kitchen to put things in bowls and collect dishes. I couldn't help but curiously peek down his sleeves at the many scars. Who could really do something like that to a person like Deku? And a father of all people… That man had to be a completely broken human being. If I ever met him… it would be extremely difficult for me to not kill him. It was all I could think of when I saw those scars. I wanted to hurt him.

Deku set a plate in front of me and I served myself from his many bowls. It seemed like he kind of overdid it with the cooking. Not only had he made a ham but there was also marinated cucumbers, grilled peppers, sautéed pineapple, mushroom soup, pickled radish, and a chopped salad. I tried to take some of everything so as to not offend him. He soon noticed that I was only taking little amounts of everything and understood. "I made too much…" He mumbled.

"Uh… well, there's just a lot of sides." I acknowledged. I hated that he was frowning so I started serving myself more, knowing I would regret it.

"Kacchan, you don't have to." He said, his voice obviously upset.

"Huh? I'm starving, I could eat a horse." I replied confidently.

"Take some home to your family too." He offered.

"Sure, if there's left overs." I replied, knowing there would be leftovers. Deku smiled a little which was good enough for me.

He sat beside me and gave himself measly portions since he had been tasting his food the whole time he was cooking. It was just as good as the breakfast he'd served me before. I was hardly paying attention to anything else, just focusing on the food, before he finally spoke up. "I usually cook too much like this, even when I'm making my lunch so… since I have extras, why don't I just bring them for you?" He suggested, making my cheeks get a little warm.

"Do you mean like pack my lunches?" I asked, my mouth full.

"Yeah, if that doesn't bother you." He was blushing too, it was the cutest shit I'd ever seen. He really was like the girls from the comics I read. Packing lunches, wearing my shirt, teasing me, getting all flustered all the time. Was this boy real?

"I-It doesn't bother me." I stuttered, red-faced.

A coy smile crept onto his face as he took a bite of the cucumber. 'Dammit, he's adorable.' I thought. I leaned a little closer, creating just a bit of contact between our arms. It surprised and flustered him.

We finished our dinners and I went home before his dad returned, parting ways with a tiny, heart-racing-and-face-flushed kiss in the doorway. All the way home, I thought over and over to myself, 'I kissed a boy, I kissed a boy, I kissed a boy.' It seemed like an insane statement. 'Shit, I have to tell Mom, don't I? That was my first kiss, it's kind of a big deal, right? Fuck… what do I even say? I don't know what to call him, he's mine but he's not my boyfriend. Do I call him my someday boyfriend? God, the word boyfriend is so weird… Can't I just call him my special friend? Wait, does that imply sleeping together? Shit… is that something that would even happen? I've never really considered it… I mean, I like his body, obviously, but… no. I can't think about that right now, that's too much."

I arrived back at home and found mom in the kitchen, looking through the fridge for something to make for dinner. "Hi, Katsuki. How was dinner at your friend's place?" She asked.

"I held up the tupperwares of leftovers. They were still warm. "Good. I brought home some extras. He made too much." I explained before setting them on the counter.

She closed the fridge and came to look at them. "He really sent you home with leftovers?" She asked, surprised.

I nodded. "Yeah, he's a pretty good cook. He's going to start bringing lunch for me to school too." I said. I thought she'd be as touched as I was by the sweet gesture.

She rolled her eyes, clearly annoyed. "Kacchan… do the other kids pick on you?" She asked.

I was completely caught off guard. "Wh-what? No."

"Don't let these rich kids make you feel less than. We're doing fine, you don't have to accept embarrassing stuff like this just to be polite. They don't understand what middle class is, they think you're either filthy rich or living under a bridge and relying on government subsidies. I know they mean well but next time, you should just nicely stand up for yourself. Tell them that we really don't need gifts like this and that we can afford to eat three meals a day just like everyone else."

I was heart-broken. I thought Deku's gesture was cute and sweet, I knew he didn't mean to patronize me. 'He's been to our house, he knows that our pantry is full of food. Mom just doesn't understand… but then again, why would she? It's not like I told her about our relationship.'

She continued. "Thank your friend for these but tell him that I'm going to continue packing your lunch. I don't want you to become a school charity case." She began to empty out the containers into the trash and put the tupperwares into the sink. He'd made that food for me out of kindness, not pity. My heart sank into my stomach.

'No… she's got it all wrong… This isn't good… I can never tell her… she wouldn't understand. She'd never accept it…' I thought, the color draining from my face. She looked up and noticed my expression. She held my face and brought me close comfortingly. She had completely misunderstood the situation.

"Oh Kacchan… it's okay, don't take it personally. I'm sure he likes you as an equal, he just doesn't understand." She said sweetly. "I know it's hard at school… you're not the same as the other kids, I know that's difficult, but as long as you stand up for yourself, everyone will treat you with respect."

"Mom…" I mumbled, trying to interrupt her.

"If your friends can't do that, then maybe they shouldn't be your friends. The last thing you want is a friendship where the other person thinks they're your savior. Tell that boy that you don't need anything from him. Honey, does he make fun of your lunch?"

"Mom, of course he doesn't. He's not like that." I said.

"Whether he thinks that way or not, you should tell him not to bring you lunch. It's better to just not accept charity and remain an equal. If you let him give you things like that, he'll start to feel like you owe him."

"But mom, I… I want him to bring me lunch." I admitted, my heart pounding in my ears. I bit my bottom lip. I knew she wouldn't understand but… I didn't want her to think Deku was that kind of person. "I want him to bring me lunch because… it makes me happy to know he's thinking about me. It's really cute when he hands me a bento box with a smile, it makes me smile. I want to eat his cooking and tell him it's good so he'll smile and feel proud of himself. It's not about money, it never was. Deku's not like that, he never made me feel bad about that." I took a deep breath and forced the words out. "He wants to make me lunch because he likes me…and I like him too."

Silence followed my confession. When I looked into her eyes, I saw that look of confusion and shock that I had worn when I realized my own feelings. "Y-y-you like him?" She echoed finally.

I looked away and nodded. I was still embarrassed, ashamed of my preferences. I knew it wasn't normal, I knew those horribly cartoonish TV personalities that boasted the same preferences. They were always the joke. They carried purses and little dogs and talked funny. Now, I was one of them. I wasn't the son she had wanted, I was something foreign and weird. Something to be laughed at and feared. I wouldn't marry a nice girl and have cute babies, this changed everything.

I broke out of her arms and jolted up the stairs. She weakly called my name but I didn't turn back. I went up to my room and locked myself in just in time. Tears started spilling out. I didn't know what to do except pull out my phone. I open mine and Deku's text conversation. I didn't want to expose myself to him like this, I didn't want him caught up in my drama but my heart desperately sought out him for comfort. I knew no one would understand but him.

Bakugo: Hey.

He responded quickly.

Midoriya: Hey! Did you get home safely? Dad's back too, btw.

Bakugo: Yeah.

Midoriya: What's up?

Bakugo: Nothing.

Midoriya: You okay? You're not much of a texter.

Bakugo: I'm fine.

Midoriya: Tell me the truth.

Bakugo: I told my mom.

There was a longer delay in response.

Midoriya: About the kiss?

Bakugo: Not exactly the kiss but yeah.

Midoriya: I'm coming over.

Bakugo: No.

Midoriya: I should help explain.

Bakugo: No.

Midoriya: Are you okay?

Bakugo: Yeah.

Midoriya: Kacchan, I know it's hard. It's going to be okay. Let's talk about it at school tomorrow, okay?"

Bakugo: K.

I put away my phone, my eyes too blurry to read anyways. I got into my bed and covered myself with the sheets. That felt safe and hidden. There, I could hide from Mom, her impending disgust, and my own fears. She never came up to my room or knocked on my door. The house was painfully silent until I eventually fell asleep.


	10. Paper Planes

I got out of bed and went to school two hours early to avoid Mom. Avoiding difficult things doesn't make those things go away but it does give you time to prepare. I went up to the roof, my safe place, to get some room to breathe. It was already getting pretty cold in the mornings, I could see my breath as I sat alone up there in silence. 'I could tell her that I didn't mean it that way…' I considered. 'No… she'd never believe it. She knows I meant it that way. Dammit… why did I have to spill the beans? Why now? I just hated that she thought Deku was some patronizing rich brat like everyone else. I wanted to justify him to her but… I went too far and now there was no going back.'

I snapped the rubber band on my wrist a few times to beat back that familiar feeling of dread and depression. I couldn't let it get me or I would start crying again and people would see and it would literally be the worst thing I could do. I was just so afraid that Mom and Dad would think 'gay' and associate it with those TV joke characters. I had thought the same thing. I had never known a gay person in real life other than Deku. I knew of them mostly from the cringy stereotypes. The gay characters on TV wore furry jackets and swayed their hips when they walked. That wasn't me and Deku didn't act like that either. Would Mom and Dad think that, now that I have these preferences, that I would walk funny and talk funny too? I was still me, the normal Katsuki. I didn't want to change, I didn't want to become a stupid joke.

I kept snapping the rubber band, trying to drive out the darkness. 'Stop thinking!' I told myself. 'Stop thinking! Just chill out! Relax.' My wrist was soon burning bright pink and pain reverberated up my arm. I moved the rubber band to my other wrist and kept popping it, the pain successfully driving out my thoughts. I settled on the calming solution of just never going home again and never ever facing my parents. 'I can just sleep in the school gym, it's always unlocked so the athletes can practice whenever they want. I can shower there too. It's fine.' The cold morning air bit at my skin until I felt numb.

An hour before the school bell rung, Midoriya found me up on the roof and sat with me. "Kacchan…" He said. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I replied, my voice almost relaxed enough to fool him.

"Listen… I had to do this too. In my case, my parents already had their suspicions so it wasn't so shocking when I finally said it. Still, it was difficult. I thought I was disappointing them. I thought they would think of me differently and that was really scary. I thought this would change everything and nothing would ever be the same." He said, speaking my fears exactly. "I'm not going to lie to you… there's an adjustment period for you and them. When you hear that about someone, you think you didn't really know them. Remember when I told you? Didn't you feel a little deceived? A little dumb-struck? They'll probably have those feelings too, it's only natural."

"Why are you telling me this? It's not making me feel any better." I growled.

"Should I tell you that you'll be accepted right away, everyone will understand, and it won't require any work? I don't think that's true anywhere in the world." He pointed out. "It'll take time. All you can do is try to understand why others react how they do and be honest. Tell your parents how you feel, when you realized your feelings, and what you want. Then just give them time. There will probably be some tension at home for a while but they'll accept you."

"How could you know that? What if they don't?" I snapped. I was taking out my internal fears and anger on him yet he met my eyes and stayed calm.

"Because you're their son and Japan is a new-age country. People are starting to understand." He put his hand over mine gently. It was exactly the comfort I needed. Anything more would have caused me to draw away from him. My breath began to slow down. His touch reminded me that I wasn't drowning alone, he was there, keeping my head above water the best he could.

"I don't want to go home." I admitted.

"Where do you want to go?" He asked curiously.

"I dunno… I could stay in the school gym."

"You mean fungus town? It's the only place where you can become HIV positive and contract athlete's foot at the same time. The whole place is covered in dry sweat and spit and blood. If you brought a black light in there, you would go blind from the sheer amount of glowing."

"Oh my god, I get it. Stop getting creepy about germs, I won't sleep in the gym. I'll stay in the park or something."

"Come on, Kacchan. Isn't running away from home kind of childish?" He asked.

My blood ran hot and I became defensive. "Who the fuck asked you!? I can do what I want, you're not my girlfriend."

Deku annoyedly wrung his fingers. I'll never understand how he dealt with my shit. "I'll never be your girlfriend." He reminded, his voice just a twinge harsh. "There's no need to act like this, Kacchan. Take a moment to breathe before you say anything else."

I was pissed but also guilty about snapping at Deku so I did as he suggested and shut up for a minute. 'Get a hold of yourself, Katsuki.' I told myself. 'Fuck'n chill out, Deku isn't your enemy. He's the only one on your side. Stop being such a dick.' I thought. "Sorry…" I said, my voice small. "I just can't deal with shit right now…"

Deku nodded and in a moment, he graced me with a sweet, sincere smile. "Okay, Kacchan." His voice cooed softly. "Let's do something fun, then. I bet I can make a better paper airplane than you~"

I watched his cute smile, I listened to his sweet comforts, and realized that I really did love him. I loved Midoriya Izuku, I wanted to keep him mine forever. Nothing seemed that bad when he was at my side.

For the next hour, we destroyed a whole notebook. We flew countless planes on the roof, some escaping out into the school yard. We made paperchains, some ten or fifteen feet long, with strips of striped paper and tape then hung them off the ledge of the roof. The wind made them dance around and even stole one, sweeping it off and depositing on a tree. Deku smiled and laughed. That made everything okay. No matter what happened, as long as Deku smiled, it would be okay. As long as he was happy, I could be happy too.

We went down to class just in time for the first bell. I opened the drawer in my desk to grab my extra notebook and found a half-page flier inside. I glanced at Deku. He was busy rifling through his backpack. I quickly grabbed the paper before he saw and scanned my eyes over it. It read:

 _There is a dangerous person in this class. Bakugo Katsuki is confirmed to have been in multiple fights inside and outside of school. He grows violent at the drop of a hat. He intimidates classmates. What's worse, I don't think he's mentally all there. Who could just loose 450,000 yen? His wrists are always red too. He's obviously not stable. Be careful of him. Maybe it would be better if he just went somewhere else…_

 _From, a concerned classmate._

My face went pale. I immediately turned around to Monoma who was just casually writing in his notebook. I opened my mouth to confront him but was halted when I saw, in the corner of my eye, Deku going to open his desk drawer. I stood up and quickly slammed it shut, making him jump. He looked up to me, scared and confused. My heart was racing. "C-could you go get me something from the vending machine? I didn't have breakfast and I think I'm going to pass out." I said.

To ask for something like this was so out of character for me and he knew it. Still, he nodded, obviously confused, and walked out of the classroom. As soon as he was out of the doorway, I snatched the flier from his desk and crumpled it up. I scowled at Monoma, vicious. He looked up and acted surprised. "What's with that scary face, Kacchan?" He asked, drawing attention. Others looked at us. "Calm down… hey, you're scaring me. You're not going attack me like you did yesterday, are you?"

Whispers and gasps erupted from the audience. I looked around and saw that many of the students were holding the flyers. Fuck… he was playing me again. He was really good at being a sadistic little fuck. "I know you're the one handing out these flyers." I growled. "Knock it off, you're not funny."

"What flyer?" He opened his desk and pulled out a slip of paper, faking shock. "Oh, this? Is that what everyone's looking at? What's it about?"

If looks could kill, I would have cut him up into a million little pieces with my hateful gaze. A little finger gently poked my back. I turned around and saw my cute boy holding out a bag of seaweed chips to me and searching my eyes for approval. "Th-thanks." I took the bag of chips and gave him a little nod to show him that he had done the right thing.

"Did you see that? Poor Izuku." Someone whispered. I knew the greenette could hear it. "Katsuki just totally slammed his hand on Izuku's desk and ordered him to buy him a snack." They said. "Man, he really is scary." The other answered. "He should pick on someone his own size."

Deku confusedly looked to the source of the whispers. My heart sank. Why was this happening to us? Why had I ever made enemies with Monoma? It's a fight no one can win. "Huh? Why would you think he's forcing me?" He asked the students.

"Deku." I whispered sternly. I had told him to never get involved when Monoma was bullying me. I couldn't let him get involved.

He looked into my eyes, still confused and worried. He bit his bottom lip and decided to trust me, sitting down in his seat. I let out a sigh of relief. I would rather people think he was my enemy instead of a sympathizer. I looked around to the class. "If you received a paper in your desk, just ignore it." I said, trying my very hardest to look calm. "Those rumors aren't true. I'd appreciate it if you just threw them out." With that, I took my seat. It took everything in me to act with civility. I wanted to yell and throw desks.

Deku tried to make eye contact with me but I ignored him. I never wanted him to know what had been written about me, I didn't want him to hear their gossip, I didn't want him to see me as a victim. In my previous schools, it always ended up like this. The class turned against me, rumors spread, people got hurt. I wanted this one to be different.

Class began. Unfortunately, Mr. Mori's mother had become very ill and he had to take off some time to go home to Vietnam and take care of her. The good news was that everyone was distracted by the change and the note almost immediately was forgotten. The new teacher, Mr. Aizawa, didn't really look like a teacher at all. He wore what barely qualified as business casual and bore an expression of boredom and annoyance. After explaining what happened to Mr. Mori, he followed up with "Don't ask me when he's coming back, I don't know. Don't talk over me and don't come crying to me about stupid drama. I know you're in high school and you guys have a lot of feelings but deal with them yourselves. Unless someone broke their leg, I don't want to hear about it. Now, get out a piece of paper. We're having a test."

A girl in the back of the class was feeling brave. "Mr. Aizawa, is it really fair to test us when you don't even know what we've learned?" She asked. People whispered, drawing off of her bravery.

He responded with a cold stare and the room fell silent. "It's a pretest for that exact reason but since you don't seem prepared for a test, why don't you go stand out in the hall and you can take it after school when you've had some more time to wrap your head around it." With that, he sent her out to stand in the hall. Students stared at each other in shock and fear. I was ecstatic. This guy was definitely big news, no one would ever mention that flyer again, Mr. Aizawa would get all the gossip for the next few days.

We took the pretest in dead silence. Even when it was over, no one dared speak a work to each other. They just watched Mr. Aizawa, unsure of what would tick him off. He asked Iida to bring him the tests and he sat at his desk. "I have to look these over. Do your homework or talk amongst yourselves or whatever. Just don't get too loud." He said in his flat voice, putting up his feet on the desk.

No one dared speak for a few minutes. They whispered to test the waters before carefully raising the volume to a low mutter. The classroom became a buzz of quiet chatter. Deku poked me with the end of his pencil. I looked over to him.

"Hey, what was going on this morning?" He asked.

"Nothing. Monoma was trying to start trouble again, that's all. It's over." I told him in a low voice.

"Oh." He nodded a bit.

I went into my backpack and pulled out two silver coins, offering them out of Deku. He looked at them with surprise. "It's for the snack." I said.

He accepted the coins. He never asked me to reimburse him for anything but he knew I wouldn't take no for an answer.

The day was blissful. Everyone was so afraid of Mr. Aizawa that nobody spoke or bothered me. That was, until the lunch when Monoma was feeling ballsy again. He left the flyer on Mr. Aizawa's desk during the lunch break and it wasn't long until the man discovered it. He slammed down a book on his desk, startling the whole classroom. He held up the note with a stern scowl on his face. "What shit is this?" He asked harshly.

Everyone was frozen in shock. We had never heard a teacher curse. "Who's Bakugo Katsuki?" He demanded next. I raised my hand. He made eye contact. "Deal with this. I'll turn a blind eye, just don't let garbage like this bother me again, alright?"

I nodded. He sighed and threw out the note. "Whoever made that, stop being a coward and just deal with disagreements physically. There's nothing honorable about hiding behind a note like this. If I hear one more thing about it, I'll get serious. Everyone, notes out. We're covering adverbial clauses."

I glanced at Monoma and was glad to see him stewing in anger. 'Yes! Turn your anger against Mr. Aizawa, you stupid shit. He'll destroy you.' I thought vengefully.

The school day finished without anyone mentioning the note again. Deku, as always, clung to my side when it was time to leave. I slung my bag over my shoulder. "Hey, today I'm just going to walk you home then head home myself." I said.

"Aww, but I want to hang out." He pouted, making me smile.

"Not today. I have to be alone for this." I said, patting his fluffy head twice. The contact made his lips turn up in a smile. We started on our way home.

"Are you going to talk to your parents?" He asked.

"I guess…" Truthfully, I felt a lot more relaxed after spending a few hours with Deku. I had decided that, when I start to freak out, I'll just picture being on the roof and making paper airplanes.

"Remember, it's going to take time. No matter how today goes, they don't hate you and you aren't rejected, even if it feels like that." He said.

"You're not building my confidence." I replied.

"Sorry, sorry. I just want to make sure you go in with realistic expectations so it hurts as little as possible. Even though by mom had assumed the truth, it was still hard for her to grasp it when I confessed and it took us a while to deal with it. Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"

"I'm sure."

"Kacchan, it's okay if you get emotional, I won't judge you."

"I know. I just want to do this myself. I'll text you tonight."

"I love getting your texts~"

I scoffed. "You're such a girl." I teased.

"Kacchan… do you really think of me as a girl? Earlier, you said that I'm not your girlfriend." I heard some insecurity in his tone.

"What? No. I mean… I don't know what I mean, it's hard for me to think of you as a boy and a romantic interest at the same time. Like, obviously I know you're a boy. I just always assumed I'd fall for a girl and have a girlfriend someday and that idea is kind of engrained into me so… I dunno. Kinda? Give me a while to get used to the idea of having a boyfriend. It's still new and super weird…"

"Boyfriend?" His cheeks were pink.

I flushed deep red upon realizing my word choice. "I-I didn't mean-! Y-you're not my boyfriend." I stuttered. "I mean, you're not _not_ that… shit, what am I even saying?"

"It's okay, I know what you mean." He said. "You're not not my boyfriend too, then."

"Stop talking." I was so embarrassed. I mean, of course I wanted him to be that eventually. I just didn't know how and when. I'd never asked someone a question like that before. 'Should I do it at the aquarium? Do I have to do it on one knee? No, that's an engagement thing, I think. Don't people usually give the other person flowers or a teddy bear? I'm not doing a fuck'n flash mob.' I thought. 'Is it too early to ask then? I mean, our parents already know and we've already kissed so… I guess. Shit. What if he says no? I'm not going to ask if I'll get rejected.' I turned to him. "Is that something you want?" I asked bluntly.

He nodded, his face on fire. 'Okay, I'll ask at the aquarium.' I decided. 'I gotta go get a fuck'n flower or something.'

When I dropped him off at home, he wanted another peck. I tried to avoid it, embarrassed, but he eventually got one before I left. I felt my lips buzzing where they had touched his. When I got home, Dad was there in the livingroom. Mom must have told him. "Hey, Dad." I greeted, trying to be casual. "Is Mom home?"

"She's on her way." He replied.

"Did you both get out of work early?" I asked.

"We both requested it. It's been a while since we've had dinner as a family." He said. I knew what he meant. We needed to talk.

"Okay… I'll start my homework, then." I went upstairs and completed only 3 math problems before Mom was home with a bag of takeout. We sat down and served ourselves, no one saying much of anything. Someone would say, "How was your day?" then the other would answer, "good" and we would glance at each other awkwardly. I closed my eyes for a moment and thought about this morning on the roof. I remembered the cool breeze, the paper chains, Deku's cute smile. I took a breath and said it.

"I like Deku." I admitted, breaking the barrier that none of us wanted to cross. I didn't want to look either of them in the eye, this was hard enough as is. "I started liking him as soon as I met him but I didn't start to realize it until that fieldtrip."

My dad was the first to speak. "Is Deku that Midoriya boy? The one who's over here all the time?"

"Yes, Honey." My mom answered. Her brows were furrowed slightly. "I just don't understand why you never mentioned this to us before. I- I mean you're completely blind-siding me here, Katsuki."

"I didn't know." I defended, setting down my spoon to show that I was serious. "Or… I knew but I didn't want to admit it to myself. It's scary to realize that you don't know everything about yourself, y'know? Well, actually, you probably don't. You guys turned out normal, right? I'm the one who's all messed up."

"Katsuki, you're not messed up." My dad said. "Th-this is just a different but legitimate way of life. We know that. Your mother is just a little confused." He said.

When I looked up, I saw that there were tears in Mom's eyes. Deku had said this would be hard and he was right. "Kacchan… I thought we were close. We used to tell each other everything." She said, making my heart feel like a rock.

"W-we are close, Mom. I just… It's been harder to figure out what to say to you recently. We don't see each other that often because you have to work so hard. A-and I wanted to tell you… I just needed time to figure out my feelings first. I'm… I'm sorry…"

My mom turned away. Just like me, she hated to let people see her cry. "Did you really not know until the fieldtrip?" She asked. "When I researched online, people say they'd known since a very young age. You always talked about getting a girlfriend or a wife, even as a little kid. I just don't understand how that changed."

"I don't know, Mom." I admitted, feeling helpless. I didn't have the answers to all of her questions.

"Then are you even sure? If these feelings just sprouted up, how do you know they're not hormonal imbalances or something?"

"Honey…" My dad said. He'd always been the calmest of all of us. "Remember what we talked about? The first thing you have to do is validate his feelings."

They had researched and prepped for this discussion. I crossed my arms, closing myself off. It was hard… it was really hard. I didn't like my experiences being processed through plans and steps. I didn't like that Mom was acting like I had deceived her. She was never home anyways, when was I supposed to talk to her? Didn't she understand that I was dealing with a lot of shit too? I was old enough to want to figure out my own feelings without consulting her every step of the way.

Mom took a deep breath. "Katsuki… I know that, to you, these feelings are very real. I believe you. I just wonder if they couldn't be trigged by something else. Maybe you've been lonely at your new school so companionship is really intense for you. Or maybe you're just a growing boy with confusing sexual feelings." She said.

I scowled and looked away. What could I say to justify my feelings? I couldn't promise her that these feelings would last forever, I couldn't explain their sudden materialization. I couldn't explain any of it. All I new was that, in this moment, I was very much in love with Deku. "Maybe it's both of those things. Maybe it is that loneliness makes intimacy more intense. Maybe my hormones are playing a role in this. I don't know, but that sounds pretty close to the truth. But it's not like I feel this way about everyone. One of the biggest reasons I feel this way is because Deku is himself." I said, my voice full of angst. "I don't like every boy, I like Deku far more than anyone else in my class."

My parents were quiet as they thought over my explanation. "Maybe… we should meet Deku." My mom suggested, making my protective instincts kick in. 'Why? So you can interrogate and inspect him? To figure out what it is about him that ruined your son? No way. I won't subject him to your scrutiny." I thought.

"Why?" I growled. "It's not like you've never seen him before."

"Because now the circumstances are different." Mom countered, matching my annoyance.

"So you want to treat him like a Miss Universe contestant?" I spat back. "He doesn't have to prove anything to you, back off." I knew I wasn't making things better for myself by acting like this. Dad stepped in again, trying to break the tension.

"Katsuki, calm down." He said softly. "We're just trying to understand, please consider that. This is a lot to take in." He turned to his wife. "Honey, it's not fair to put this on Midoriya. We have plenty of time to get to know him. Let's get to know Kacchan first."

"Are you kidding me?" I asked harshly. "Get to know me? You know me! I'm your son! I have a crush on someone but I'm still me!" I barked. I was scared. Were we really strangers now? Had I ruined things that badly? Why wasn't there a way to just take this all back? I stood up from the table and turned my back to my parents, prepared to go upstairs to my room when a hand reached out and took hold of my shirt.

"Kacchan…" My mom's voice called. It had completely changed tone. She sounded desperate and regretful. I turned around, our teary eyes meeting. "Kacchan… we love you." She said, making my anger evaporate like steam. "We love you and we want to get to know you better. Since starting at that new school, so much has changed and you've grown so much. We just… we didn't realize how much we were missing out on in your life." She looked to my dad and he nodded in agreement.

"That's right. Katsuki, you've grown so much recently. You're more mature, you're more motivated, you're happier. Your mother and I… we don't want to become one of those families that talks about the weather and keeps secrets. We want to know you, we want to watch you grow up, we want to be there and recently, we haven't been able to. We were talking about it last night and, since you started hanging out with Midoriya, we've seen you become more patient, happier, more relaxed, more confident. He's changed you a lot and for the better. So for us to get to know you, we want to know him. Does that make sense?"

I nodded slowly, looking down at my shirt and staying silent as the tears fell. I was being such a child but I couldn't help it. I did care what my parents thought about me, I did love them, I did want to be close to them and show them the person who changed everything for me. My mom got up from her chair and hugged me just like when I was little. I couldn't remember the last time she'd held me like this. My arms slowly closed around her as I relaxed into her embrace. It felt okay. I felt okay… the world wasn't going to explode, everything was fine.

The crying gave me a horrible headache so Mom said I could take my dinner up to my room and lay down for a while. I texted Deku from my bed, my eyes exhausted and forehead burning.

Bakugo: Hey.

Midoriya: How'd it go? Should I come over?

Bakugo: I'm fine, chill. It went okay.

Midoriya: Okay is the first step to great 😊

Bakugo: You're cute.

Midoriya: Why'd you bring that up?

Bakugo: It's easier to tell you over text.

Midoriya: Is it difficult for you to give compliments in person?

Bakugo: Kinda.

Midoriya: Then, when you think, 'he's cute', make a little heart with your thumb and index finger so I know what you mean.

Bakugo: No way, that's embarrassing.

Midoriya: No one will know what it means expect for me. Every time I think 'Wow, he's really handsome' I'll do it too. Okay?

I blushed. He was so adorable.

Bakugo: Fine.

Midoriya: I found a note in my backpack when I got home. Is this what all that fuss was about this morning?

He attached a photo of the flyer. I should have known Monoma would pull something like that.

Bakugo: Ignore it. And put a password on your phone. I don't want him reading our texts.

Midoriya: Okay. I did. Can I punch Monoma?

Bakugo: What? Of course not. Stay out of it.

Midoriya: But I want to. You get to beat up people, how come I don't?

Bakugo: What kind of a question is that?

Midoriya: I want to defend you like a hero too.

I covered my mouth with one hand. How was he possibly this cute?

Bakugo: Shut up.

Midoriya: You can't just tell me to shut up.

Bakugo: Do you know why I haven't punched him yet? Because he's a crazy psychopath without limitations or remorse.

Midoriya: We should get him in trouble with Mr. Aizawa. He's scary.

Bakugo: Are you trying to out-crazy a crazy person? Go to bed.

Midoriya: I'm not tired.

Bakugo: Good night.

I put down my phone and hugged my pillow. Deku was adorable. I really, really liked him. I liked that his hair got fluffier when it was humid, I likes his soft speckling of freckles, I liked that he smiled with his teeth, I liked that he always smelled like soap. I thought back to when he called himself mine. that feeling made me want to jump up and down and scream like a fuck'n prepubescent girl.

Could I really introduce him to my parents? Could we have that kind of a relationship? It seemed like a complete fantasy. Watching movies together in the living room, holding hands openly, laying my head on his lap. Did I really deserve such a great reality? Could I really have something like that?

I picked my phone back up and researched how to ask someone to be your girlfriend or boyfriend until I fell asleep to a video about how to pick healthy roses. I wanted to do it perfectly, I really wanted it to work. I really needed him.


	11. Blood and Bruises

The next morning, Mom was already downstairs, brewing a pot of coffee and frying eggs. I couldn't remember the last time she'd made breakfast on a weekday, maybe when I was a kid. I set down my backpack on the counter quietly, still a little unsure of our relationship. While last night didn't go great, it ended on a hopeful note. I wasn't completely sure how to act yet.

She smiled at me but didn't quite meet my eyes. "Hey, I already put your coffee in your thermos." She said before turning back to the eggs. Mom was like me, she chose awkward avoidance in the face of difficult situations. My dad liked to talk. If he were awake, he would have wanted to continue on last night's conversation. Mom and I both preferred to take things slow.

I sat down at the counter and she put a plate of eggs in front of me. "Thanks." I said. It was a little uncomfortable but also a little okay. I ate quickly and headed out to school with my thermos in hand. When I got to the school gate, I saw a cute, fluffy-haired boy waiting for me with a smile. Once we met eyes, he raised his hand up slightly to show me that he was making a heart with his thumb and forefinger. I saw it and immediately blushed. I responded by quickly flashing him the same little signal.

"Why are you out here? It's cold." I grumbled. He stuck to my hip as soon as I reached him.

"Waiting for you~" He responded sweetly.

"Don't do stupid shit like that, you'll get sick and that'll just annoy me." I scolded, my heart pounding. He was so cute.

"I'm not even cold, Kacchan." He argued, still wearing his smile.

"Bullshit." I responded.

"I'm not!" He insisted.

I stopped in my tracks, causing him to halt too. I gently pressed the back of my hand to his cheek. His face was frigid cold. I pulled my hand away just as he began to blush. "It's cold." I noted, suddenly becoming embarrassed of my own actions. I walked towards school and the stunned boy had to jog to catch up.

"What'chya got there? Coffee?" He asked.

"Yeah. Mom made it." I answered.

"Oh really? So everything's okay between you two?"

I nodded. We entered class and sat down in our seats. I had only set my coffee on my desk a minute before Iida approached me. "Bakugo-san," He greeted, "It's good to see that your test scores are up."

"What's it to you?" I asked.

"I'm just happy that you're adjusting to this class so well."

"Kay. Thanks." I answered bluntly.

"Mr. Aizawa asked me to meet with him before class but there are a few boxes of new textbooks in the office that we need for first period."

I scoffed and sat back, crossing my arms. "I see what this is about…" I said. "You come over here, compliment me, then use that as leverage to make me your beast of burden?"

Midoriya chimed in. "I'll help." He offered.

Of course, if Midoriya was in, then I was in too. I rolled my eyes. "Fine. We'll get them."

Iida seemed a little surprised by my change of attitude but my expression warned him not to pry. He smiled. "Thanks. You should be able to make it in one trip if there's the two of you."

"Whatever. Kiss my feet, Iida." I grumbled, getting up from my seat and exiting the classroom, leaving my coffee unattended. In hindsight, that's where the trouble started. Izuku ran after me again. He caught up to me and tugged my sleeve.

"You should be nicer to Iida." He scolded.

"He knows I don't mean it." I said.

"Yeah, but other people don't. Not everyone knows when you're being serious or not."

"Why should I care what they think?"

"I care. I don't want people treating you badly."

I made the heart gesture with my fingers and that shut him up. We got the boxes from the office and carried them back. There were only two and each weighed only about 20-30 pounds. Iida thanked us and we went back to our seats. Oddly enough, Monoma was silent that morning. That made me a little uneasy but I didn't think much of it.

I started sipping my coffee as class started and that's where things got weird. I started losing my concentration. I like my head was spinning and I couldn't stop it. My brain was moving around inside my head and my eyes longed to draw back as if I were tired. "Katsuki!" I remember Mr. Aizawa scolding. It sounded like everything was underwater. "Stop that, this isn't dance class."

I noticed that my body had somehow been moving. I was swaying and nodded. It was then that I finally realized that something was wrong with me. My memory was skipping and the intervals of blankness were getting longer. 'Shit… what the hell am I doing? The fuck is going on?' I thought.

For a moment, I would see a vortex in the wall, a desk on the ceiling, or a giant snake right outside the window then a moment later, it was gone. Things that were solid became fluid. Things that were stagnant moved. Reality started inverting on itself and all I could do was watch in wonder.

Between the lapses in memory, I remember times when I was looking at Midoriya, times when I was talking, he was talking, Monoma was talking, Mr. Aizawa was talking. What words were we saying? I didn't know. My body was in autopilot and I was just an observer who drifted in and out of lucidity.

Iida and Mr. Aizawa looked through my bag for a while. Next thing I remember, I was in the office. Finally, I felt myself being able to return to my mind as its proper owner. I looked around in confusion. There were three police officers. One was watching me, the other was talking to the principal, and the third was with my parents and Izuku. I was completely confused.

'What's going on? Am I awake? Was I dreaming? How long was I asleep? Shit… Am I at school? This is the principal's office. Oh fuck, that's the police. Why are they here? Something bad must have happened… is Midoriya okay? Wait, he's here too? Is that Mom and Dad? Why are they here?' I wondered.

"Mom?" I asked aloud. She turned to me, surprised. Her surprise turned to anger.

"What the fuck, Katsuki!? Are you doing drugs now?" She yelled, approaching me with venom. A police officer tried to stop her but my mom pulled her arm out of their grasp and approached me anyways, emanating rage.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Where did you buy that shit?" She growled. "Who's selling it to you?"

I shook my head in utter bafflement. What was she even talking about?

"Mam, please go back to giving your testimony and let us question him." The officer said, pulling her back begrudgingly.

I made eye contact with Deku. He looked scared and confused, just like me. An officer sat beside me with a note pad and started asking questions.

"Bakugo Katsuki, right?" He confirmed. I nodded. "Okay, Mr. Bakugo. Do you want to tell me what you're doing with ketamine in your coffee?"

"With what!? Wait… i-in my coffee?" I stuttered.

The man nodded matter-o'-factly. "Are you meaning to tell me you were unaware of this in your possession?"

"You're damn right I wasn't. Wh-why would I-… I don't even… What the fuck?" I spat. I kept trying to make eye contact with Deku. I needed him. I was scared, I didn't know what was happening. I needed him in order to feel safe and in control.

Deku could sense my need and came to me, leaving the officer who was interviewing him. He stood at my side and I felt like, for the first time, he was protecting me. "Officer, sir, I was with Kacchan all morning. He didn't take anything, I know that. Whatever was in his coffee was placed there by someone else." He said to the officer interrogating me.

I wanted to grab Deku and pull him into my lap and hide my face against his back. He was safety, he was calm. But the officer scolded him and made him leave us alone. I wanted him to stay.

The officer turned back to me and I met him with aggression. He'd made my boy leave and I hated him for that. "So, Mr. Bakugo, I'll ask you again. Where did you get the drugs from?"

"I've never bought drugs." I growled back, my arms crossed.

"Then how did they get into your coffee?" He pried.

"Isn't it your job to figure that out?"

"Son, you are in danger of not only being expelled but also of being persecuted for drug possession." He warned.

"Son? I'm not your son, don't call me that! I never bought anything from anyone! Someone drugged me, shouldn't they be the one on trial here!?"

"Do you really believe that someone drugged you? That's a big claim, I can't take it seriously unless you can give me a name."

"What? You want me to just point fingers like you're doing?"

"We're not really pointing fingers here, Mr. Bakugo. The drugs were found in your system. That seems pretty clear to me. Unless you can give us good reason to doubt that that's the case, we can't waste our time pursuing hunches."

I rolled my eyes. He had a point but still, I was pissed. I wished people would just believe me, like Iida. Anything he said was taken as scripture. I needed to be more like Iida if I was going to be respected. "I'm a good student, I help out around class a lot and tutor some of the other students." I explained, forcing myself to calm down a little. "But there's this one kid who really hates me, he's pulled big stunts like this before to ruin my reputation and get me expelled. This really wouldn't be out of character for him at all. His name is Neito Monoma."

The officer took notes as I told him about the time Monoma had stolen the fieldtrip money and distributed fliers. In the end, he said that if my stories were true, then he would have reason to investigate Monoma too. He assured me that I wouldn't be expelled, only suspended, while the investigation was in progress. He also asked me if I knew of anyone else in our school who was buying or selling drugs.

I told him I didn't. I couldn't bring Uraraka down with me, even if there was a link there. The officer left me to call his supervisor and discuss the new suspect. Without an officer guarding me, Deku was able to make his way over again and sit with me on the bench. He looked so worried. I hated to see him like that so I threw away my own fears and smiled for him. "What's with that face? Knock it off, it doesn't look good on you." I said coolly.

It looked like he was holding back tears. "Kacchan… we both know you didn't do anything. Monoma has to be behind this. You have to tell them."

"What makes you think I really had no hand in this?" I asked, challenging his faith in me.

"That's not who you are." He said with complete confidence. "Plus, stuff like that is pretty expensive and I can't see you wasting your money on drugs." He pointed out. I was a little irked that he brought up my poverty but it was a little funny too. My smile grew more sincere.

"I did tell them about Monoma, they'll look into it. I need you to promise me you'll keep your nose out of this."

"But Kacchan-"

"Stop. I'm not willing to compromise. Do not instigate Monoma, don't even look his way. That'll just make things worse." My tone was stern.

"He can't just do whatever he wants! Kacchan, when you were in class earlier, you were doing and saying things I didn't understand and it was really scary… I was really scared for you. He could have seriously hurt you and who's to say he won't some day? I don't want to be the bystander, I don't care if I have to get my hands dirty if it means I can have some control in this situation. Please…"

I gently put my hand atop his, slowing down his breathing. "Deku… I'll protect you and I won't leave you… do you remember when I promised that to you? I still mean it. I'll handle this."

His hand gripped mine passionately. "Then I'm going to do the same." He promised, his eyes aflame with love and anger.

"What are you going to do?" I challenged. "Are you going to out manipulate him? Impossible. Physically overpower him? Unlikely. Could you use your money to change anything? His uncle is the governor and his parents own a few cruise ships. Deku, I'm trying to hold back the floodgates here. He's capable of destroying your life and he would do it without remorse. I don't think you understand the opponent in this fight."

He looked down into his lap, the hopelessness setting in. His excited motivation was something I loved about him and it hurt me so much to crush it like this but it was all I could do to protect him. I never wanted Deku to have to face Monoma. I didn't want him to feel completely manipulated, totally powerless, overwhelmingly out-numbered like I did.

I raised my arm and swiped his cheek gently with the back of my hand, catching a tear as I rolled free. Monoma couldn't see him like this, he couldn't see Deku's weakness because he would just exploit it. "Deku…" I whispered. "It's okay… I'm okay. I won't let him touch us. I'll make sure the police hold him accountable for this and I'll be back to school soon."

His eyes darted up to meet mine. He looked shocked and panicked. "You're leaving school!?" He asked.

"I'll be suspended until the investigation is through. Monoma probably will be too."

"But… doesn't this end with one of you getting expelled?"

I diverted my gaze. I didn't want to lie to him but looking at him while I told the truth was too much. "Yeah, probably."

"Wh-…Wh-what'll I do if you get expelled?" His voice trembled.

"Then it'll just be like it was before I moved schools. That's not so bad, right?" I was trying to frame the situation in a way that wasn't so depressing.

"No! I don't want to go back to before you. I don't want to… I want this…" He was fully crying now which got the officer's and my mother's attention. Thankfully, Mom's motherly instincts kicked in and she got to him faster than the officer. She took him by the shoulders and led him away. I sat alone, two of his tears still on the back of my hand.

'I can't lose to Monoma, I can't give up what I have with Deku.' I thought, staring at the droplets. 'I've never felt this about anyone before, this could be my only chance at finding my special someone… but then again… how do I even fight this? How on Earth am I supposed to fight Monoma? All I can do is get out of his way and hope he forgets me but… Deku is in his way too. Even if I stop fighting him, he'll still come after Deku for his class rank. In order to protect Deku, I have no choice but to be a barricade.'

I considered what it would mean to be expelled. To not see Deku every morning, to not eat lunch with him and listen to him ramble happily about Captain America. I could remember a time before Deku but I couldn't think of how I could go back there and still be happy. Deku made me happy, I didn't want to give him up. I had to think of a way to win.

Deku was calmed down then sent back to class. After another two hours, the police let my parents take me home. I tried to explain to Mom and Dad that I didn't do anything wrong and I think they believed me but still, it was a lot to process and they stayed upset all day. I went up to my room and started working on the classwork that Mr. Aizawa had handed to me as I was leaving. I think he believed me too.

Just around the time of last period, my phone buzzed. I lazily opened it and found a video attachment from Kirishima. Curiously, I downloaded it.

"Just film it." A female voice ordered from off screen. I recognized it as Uraraka. "We need evidence if we want Monoma to feel any serious heat from this."

"I am!" Kirishima defended.

"Be a little less obvious!" She said. I could hear Monoma's muffled voice in the background as the screen depicted the classroom. Iida and Mr. Aizawa were no where to be seen, they were probably being interviewed by the police too. Everyone sat around and chatted, most of them listening to Monoma. Deku in the front row was turned away, his head down as if he were working.

"I mean really!" He said. "Who would do drugs in school? It's so classless! What kind of a school does he think this is! With all the fighting and drug use, you'd think he's a prison inmate instead of a high schooler." He laughed and so did his crowd.

"Yeah, I saw his wrists. They're all red, there's definitely something wrong with him and in more ways than one." Some one added. All the pieces were falling in order in Monoma's plan. He had made a fool of me enough times that, despite people's better judgement, they believed him and turned against me.

"He scares me!" A girl said. "I don't want someone like that at our school, I don't feel safe."

"Did you hear he's in a gang?" Someone asked.

"Really? No way… are you sure? Well… I guess I wouldn't be surprised."

"My dad works on the school board and I asked him why Katsuki has been to so many schools and you know what he said? Physical harassment and violent encounters with other students."

"Oh my God! He's crazy! Why did they even let him in here?"

"I've heard it's because they have to let a certain amount of poor kids in to be fair."

Monoma chimed in again. "He's not that poor." He wore that evil smirk that made my intestines pucker.

"What? He's not? But I thought he was. I mean, have you seen what he eats for lunch? And those shoes…" One student pointed out.

"He has money, he just chooses to spend it irresponsibly on drugs and such." Monoma elaborated. "After all, how could someone afford stuff like that if they didn't have money? And it's obviously not family money, he lives in a dinky little apartment that smells like a gas leak."

"So where does he get the money?" A student pried. "Students aren't supposed to have jobs."

"I can't say for sure but I have a guess…" The students drew closer to him to hear his secret. "I know, straight from the horse's mouth, that Katsuki prefers to play for the other team."

"What does that mean?" One student whispered.

Monoma was happy to tell her. "He's a fag. He told me himself. He likes guys, he even likes guys in this class." I watched as the students recoiled in shock and disgust. He continued. "If I had to guess… he's getting his money by doing something in a scandalous profession… something for the pleasure of other men. I mean, if he likes it, why not? Think about it, he has money for drugs but it's obviously not coming from his parents and the school hasn't found out that he has a job yet so that could only mean one thing… Katsuki is a prostitute!"

A loud clatter disrupted the gossiping students and spooked a few. Deku had stood up from his seat with such energy and passion that his chair had toppled back onto the floor. He glared at Monoma with intense hatred. I bit my lip watching him, begging him silently to just leave the room or sit back down but he didn't.

"What the hell makes you think you can just say shit like that about a classmate!" He yelled, catching everyone off guard. "You've gone too far, Monoma. You can't just make stuff up about Katsuki and expect no one to tell you you're wrong. I'll do it! You're wrong about Katsuki and everything you're saying is lies! I like Katsuki and everyone else did too before you joined this class and started spreading those horrible rumors!"

Monoma quickly regained himself from his shock and cocked his head challengingly. "Izuku… You're standing up for Katsuki? Why? He's especially cruel to you. We all see how he bosses you around. You don't have to be such a good-two-shoes. Hmm… I wonder if that's what Katsuki likes so much about you."

People began to whisper. "Wait… does Katsuki like Izuku?" Someone asked. "No way! He's so mean to him."

"He told me himself." Monoma calmly announced, earning the crowd's attention. "I swear on my mother's grave, I heard it from his lips alone. He's completely in love with our cute little Izuku~"

People gasped, laughed, and gossip. I could see Izuku unwinding. Then, he snapped. "Shut up! All of you!" He yelled, driving everyone to silence. His eyes burned in a way I'd never known. "Katsuki does like me and I like him too! You don't need some crazed psychopath to tell you that, I will! I love Katsuki Bakugo! I want him to be my boyfriend and someday, I want him to be my husband too! There! That's the truth so now you can all stop gossiping about it!"

Monoma let out a loud, hardy laugh. Everyone else was too shocked to move a muscle. "Oh my god, this is even better than I thought! So you two are queers together!" He clapped and laughed, truly enjoying himself. "This is rich. So now, not only do we have a drug addict prostitute in our class but we also have his John! I have to applaud you on working out such a great system. You've got money, he's got his addiction. It's a match made in heaven! Hey tell me this… do you guys fuck at school?"

Before I knew it, Deku lunged at Monoma and threw the boy to the ground. It was hard to see what was going on because people and desks were in the way but, through brief glimpses, I saw Deku sitting on Monoma's stomach, rage wailing against the blonde.

My heart was beating a million times a second as I grasped my phone hard enough to crack the screen. There was cheering and yelling. Uraraka tried desperately to break them up but the crowd was impenetrable. After a minute of yelling at Deku to get off him, she ran out of the classroom to get help. In seconds, the teachers in the classrooms next-door rushed in and seized the boys. Both were beaten up pretty badly but it was evident that Monoma had taken the worst of it. I was genuinely shocked when I saw at the blood and bruises he bore. I didn't think Deku could be responsible for causing that much damage.

The camera jiggled then turned off. I saw there was a text message beneath Kirishima's video.

 _Kirishima: Get here asap_.

Without another thought, I threw on my shoes and practically fell down the stairs on my way out. My parents were in their room and couldn't react fast enough to stop me. I sprinted to school, my mind whirling and my heart pounding in my ears. I didn't bring my jacket so the bitter cold chilled the sweat on my scorched body.

I entered the office and found both Deku and Monoma seated in the principal's office. He was on the phone with their parents and was unpleasantly surprised when I burst into his office. I immediately approached Monoma, dominance and danger emanating from me. "Did you hurt him?" I demanded to know in a cold, harsh voice. "I'll hurt you a hundred times over you little-"

The principal grabbed me from behind, restraining my arms as I fought against him, trying to get to Monoma. Monoma actually looked a little frightened. It made me wonder if this was the first time he'd experienced some substantial physical pain. Or maybe he understood how much I loved Deku, maybe he knew that the pain he was feeling now was only a tenth of what I'd give him later.

"Kacchan! Kacchan, stop!" Deku demanded, standing up and taking one of my arms. His voice immediately suffocated most of my violence. I stopped fighting and instead gave my attention to him. My poor boy was bleeding. He had a black eye, a cut lip, and several scratches on his arms. I was pissed, I wanted to hurt Monoma.

"I told you to keep your head down." I growled at him.

"I couldn't." Deku replied just before the office security guard was able to take me from the president and lead me out of the principal's office. He sat me down in the front of the main office and stood right at my side, watching me. Clearly, the principal was going to want to talk to me too at some point. I was involved in all of this, I was the common denominator in all the school's problems.

After a few minutes, Mrs. Midoriya entered the office worriedly, clutching her purse. I hung my head in shame. I was supposed to love and protect her son but instead, I'd made everything worse. I knew she hated me. I was a bad influence, a bad boyfriend, a bad person. She only met my eyes a moment then walked past me into the principal's office. Oddly enough, I wished Deku's dad was here. Having that huge American brute threaten Monoma would make all of this worth it.

Later, a couple that I assumed were Monoma's parents entered the office. They didn't recognize me. I could see in their expressions that they already believed their son did nothing wrong and were going to put the school through hell for this. I could tell that, no matter what they heard about their son, they would remain steadfast on his innocence.

Minutes later, Kirishima and Uraraka were called into the office too and walked past me on their way to talk to the principal. I briefly met their eyes and we exchanged little nods. At last, after over an hour and a half, I was invited into the office too. The security guard stayed at my side. All eyes were on me.

"Mr. Bakugo, you will not speak but only to respond to my questions." The principal said sternly. I gave a little nod of acknowledgement. Deku looked scared.

"What is the nature of your relationship with Mr. Midoriya?" He asked.

My heartbeat quickened. "Um… well…" I muttered.

"Please answer bluntly and honestly." The principal reminded.

"We're dating." I spit out.

"How long have you two been dating?" He asked, only a moment intercession between this and the last question.

"Only a week or so." I answered.

"How long have you two had mutual romantic feelings?"

"I don't know exactly how long. At least since the geology fieldtrip."

"Did you tell Mr. Monoma about these feelings?"

"I… he assumed it on his own and I confirmed it." I said with a nod.

"Have you experienced harassment by Mr. Monoma on the basis of your sexuality since you divulged this information to him?"

I nodded a few times. "Yes, sir."

The principal sighed and leaned back against his desk. He turned to Monoma's parents. "There it is, it's out of my hands now. This has gone from a simple schoolyard scuffle to a legal matter of harassment."

"Are you kidding me?" His father asked, outraged. "That green-haired boy clearly attacked Neito, you saw it yourself on the video! I don't get what some teasing with another student has to do with any of this!"

"That's the most I can say. Our student rights coordinator will proceed with interviews and direct everyone to the appropriate next steps from there." He dismissed, pulling the phone off his desk and calling up the student rights coordinator.

It took the rest of the day and well into the night to get everything sorted out. I called my parents and told them what was going on. I never knew how quickly rich people could get lawyers involved. Deku's mom called someone, Monoma's parents called someone, then they hung up and those people called each other. There was a lot of calling. We were all interviewed. Legal terms were used that I didn't understand. At one point in all the chaos, I found myself sitting next the Deku, waiting to get interviewed for the second time. I glanced over at him and laid my hand over his.

He smiled at me softly. "Kacchan…" He said. "Hey… did…did anyone send you anything?"

"Send me something? Like what?" I asked, playing dumb. I knew he didn't want me to hear those words. Not yet, not like this.

"Like… a video?"

I pretended like I was trying to remember then shook my head. "No, not that I can think of."

He smiled and I saw stress lift off of his chest. I didn't mind waiting for him to tell me he loved me, I already knew. I already loved him back.

In the end, the lawyers decided on behalf of the families that a civil agreement would be made to avoid the students being suspended and missing valuable class time during court proceedings. Deku would not face repercussions for the fight nor would Monoma be prosecuted for his harassment. He would also take responsibility for the drug incident and along with his other harassments, it would be forgotten. My suspension was terminated. The school required that, during an assembly the next day, we three speak in front of the student body about how bullying and fighting is disruptive, hurtful, and selfish.

A slap on the wrist in all directions was decided to be the best solution. I wished they would make Monoma leave but ultimately, I was satisfied because I was allowed to stay at school with Deku. The impossible was already accomplished.

I walked out of the office with Deku. It was ten at night and the world was dark. Stars decorated the quiet sky. "Are you going home now?" Deku asked.

I chuckled. "Where else would I go?"

He laughed too. "Good point." The greenette turned to his mom and asked her to go home without him. He wanted to walk home. She tried to convince him otherwise but in the end, he won and we walked side by side down the desolate street.

"You've got a pretty nice shiner." I commented with a smirk.

He delicately touched his eye. "Does it look awful?"

I responded by showing him my fingers in the heart gesture. He blushed. "Didn't I tell you to steer clear of Monoma?"

"I tried really, really, really hard but he went too far. He antagonized me, Kacchan."

"Well… if that's the case, then I'm glad to see he came out of it worse. Still, don't pull shit like that ever again or I'll actually get pissed off, okay?"

He smiled and nodded. "Okay~"

"You can take care of yourself, can't you, Kid? Maybe… You don't need me around anymore." I teased. As I said that, he stopped walking and bent down, clutching his ankle and hissing in pain. I smiled. "Huh? You need a piggy back?"

He smiled back, standing up straight and pretending to limp to me. "Yeah… I guess I still need you so… maybe you should stick around." He said.

I squatted down and picked him up on my back, wearing a stupid grin all the while. I knew there was nothing wrong with his ankle but it still liked to feel his warm weight against me. "I guess I will…"

I took him all the way to his house before setting him down in the door way. He stood there and looked at me with pure adoration. I loved him. I was completely in love with Deku. The gentle glow of the moon illuminated his tufts of green hair. His freckles accented his purple eye and split lip. "I said I wouldn't leave you, right?" I asked softly. Deku was the only one who got to see this docile side of me. It was just for him.

He smiled. "I'm glad you didn't. I really don't want to go back to how things were before I met you. I thought I was happy… but I guess I didn't really know what happiness was."

My gaze sunk to his lips. I smiled and ran my thumb over the warm bottom lip. I gently felt the cut. Then, my palm slipped crossed his cheek and cupped his face. Those emerald eyes were lidded with comfort and trust. I slowly leaned in and touched his lips to mine. At first, our kisses were just warm contacts but as we got comfortable with it, we began moving our lips lowly, sharing a silent dance. My lips ran across his teeth and along the sensitive flesh on the underside of his lips. My arms curled around him, keeping his lithe body close to mine. He was mine.

The kisses ended when there was a little knock on his front door from the inside. It was Mrs. Midoriya telling us that that was enough for tonight. It made me blush to think that she knew what we were doing and I quickly took my leave. I could hardly sleep that night. Deku's words resounded in my mind. He loved me… he wanted to me my boyfriend and someday… he wanted to be my husband too. Deku was mine. Completely mine, now and forever. I had never had anything worth more. Even gold couldn't compare. I had Deku.


	12. Anything For You

I had the worst idea of my life when I woke up the next morning. I was thinking about the speech we'd have to give in front of the whole student body. I thought about how nervous Deku would be. After what he said yesterday, I had no doubt that people were gossiping about him. They'd point fingers at him, whisper to each other, and giggle. He would feel so targeted.

I wished there was something I could do to protect him from that. If only I could convince the principal to change his mind. That would never happen. I had to do something to keep them from laughing at him, something to take the attention off him. Then my horrible idea came to me. The worst idea ever, the pinnacle of stupid decisions.

I left early for school and stopped by a drug store on my way there. I bought a few cans of spray-on hair color, picking the brightest and boldest colors. I shoved them in my backpack and went to class. We were supposed to start the day with our assembly so Deku, Monoma, and I had to meet the principal in the gym five minutes before the first bell.

Deku was in the classroom too, dropping off his backpack before the assembly. He looked visibly nervous. I nodded to him in greeting. He spoke first. "You ready?" He asked.

"Almost." I replied.

"I don't even know what to say. So many people will be looking at me…"

"Relax. They won't be looking at you." I assured him.

"How do you know that? Kacchan… I said some stuff in class yesterday-"

I cut him off. "I need to go to the bathroom. If I'm late to the gym, cover for me." I said, taking my backpack and leaving.

I knew Deku needed more from me. He needed a hug, he needed reassurance and comfort. There just wasn't time for that. As I walked briskly down the hall to the bathroom, I saw Candy Cane walking towards me from the opposite direction. He stepped in my way, forcing me to stop. I scowled at him and he returned the expression.

"The fuck do you want?" I growled. "Is this your first time in a hallway? Never learned how to go around people?"

His stare was cold and calm as always. "Midoriya's in trouble because of you." He stated bluntly. "That fight yesterday, the assembly today, this is all because of you."

I clenched my fist. "Hey, I wasn't even at school for that, you prick. Now move." I demanded.

He didn't even flinch or bat an eye at my demands. "You've seen the video, haven't you?"

I looked away stubbornly, refusing to answer.

"I'll take that as a yes. And I'm sure you know how I feel about Izuku. I like him for the same reason you do. He's kind. He can forgive anything, he can see past any flaw, he can find the light in even the darkest person. Deku accepted me and treated me well when no one else would. He understood me when everyone else just jumped to conclusions. I know he did the same for you. But there's a difference between me and you. I have balance, and you have passion. It's that passion of yours that he likes so much but it's also that passion that destroys everything and attracts enemies. A balanced person isn't as exciting but they're safer. They wouldn't let Izuku get hurt because they wouldn't get into those situations in the first place. I can put my head before my heart. What can you do? Punch a hole in the wall? Who does Izuku deserve to be with?"

He delivered his questions in such a way that they penetrated their victim cleanly and with precision. Everything he was saying was true. All of it. I was passion and he was balance. Izuku should be with him. It made sense that way. Deku would be safe, he would be happy, he wouldn't have to deal with all the destruction that followed me. But on the other hand, I was a selfish person. I had Deku now and I wouldn't give him up. I wanted Deku, that's all I cared about. I took my aim and fired back at Todoroki, sparing nothing. If he wanted to fight, then I wouldn't show mercy.

"Woulda, shoulda, coulda, right, Todoroki?" I asked savagely. "It's fun to play make believe, isn't it? Didn't you ever play dollar Valentine in grade school? You fill out a questionaire about your likes and dislikes then they pair you with the person who, in theory, is your magical soul mate. How often do those work? Why don't those perfect fantasies ever manifest themselves in reality? So yeah, you have a point. Deku would be perfect with you. But here's the more important question… _Which one of us does he love_?"

In an instant, I was shoved against the lockers hard. Todoroki held my shirt in his bundled fists and started at me with violent eyes. "You think I don't know that!? I'm well aware of how he feels… I know he chose you over me. Just know that when you've burnt everything to rubble and you have nothing left to show for your passion but destruction and pain, I'll still be here. I'll be here waiting and I will take him from you, Katsuki. You can be his first love but I'll be his last." With one last, hard, shove against the lockers, Todoroki released my shirt and left. I watched him go, surprised by what I had just witnessed. I didn't know there was another side to the him. I brushed the wrinkles out of my shirt and thought to myself, 'I have to be careful of him… He's more than I thought.'

I tried to shake off our confrontation as I went into the bathroom and pulled out the cans. The more I thought about it, the more I hated the idea. I closed my eyes and imagined students gossiping about and laughing at my boy. That was the encouragement I needed to push down on the release and spray bright pink paint into the center of my head. 'Stupid Candy Cane…' I thought as I picked up different colors and filled in sections of my wild hair. 'He's mine. He always will be. If I can do this for him, I can do anything for him so just fuck'n try to take him from me.' I could do anything for him. If he wanted me to get a nine-to-five job, I'd get one. If he wanted me to build him a nice house, I'd build one. If he wanted a big wedding, he'd have the biggest. My dedication was unmatched.

I threw the cans away and strolled out into the hall, my hair looking like a clown wig. People noticed. Everyone I passed gasped, pointed, and gossiped. There was no way a single eye would be on Deku today. I didn't mind taking all their attention. After all, I was passion, right? This was in my nature.

I went directly to the school gym where Monoma, Deku, and the principal were all waiting for me. Their initial reaction was stunned silence. Then, the principal gathered some words for me. "Katsuki Bakugo! Wh-What… What on earth have you done to your hair!? Do you think this is funny!? Young man, there will be serious consequences for this! This is a direct violation of this school's policy! I can't believe the nerves you have!"

I tuned him out and looked to my favorite greenette. I smiled at him reassuringly. He gave me a 'what have you done?' expression and shook his head before finally giving in and rewarding me with a little chuckle. He emanated love.

"Do you think this is funny, Mr. Midoriya!?" The Principal asked.

Deku tightened his lips and shook his head. "N-no sir."

"You're right it's not! I don't know why you had to pull a stunt like this now of all times, Mr. Bakugo, but the students are already gathering so we'll deal with this afterwards. You all have three minutes to prepare yourselves to speak. , if you try to pull anything else during this assembly, I will give you an automatic suspension. Do you understand me?"

"Yes, sir." I responded with a nod.

He stomped off to set up the microphone, clearly tired of my shit. I smiled at Deku. "Don't be nervous, okay?"

He giggled. "The only thing I'm scared of is being caught in photos next to you. What the hell did you do?"

I shrugged, my hands in my pockets. "I was just feeling artistic today."

"You did this for me, didn't you?" He guessed.

Again, I shrugged.

He smiled warmly. "I guess I owe you. What do you want?"

I thought about that for a while, shifting my weight on my feet. "I'm going to ask you something on Saturday. I want the answer to be 'yes'."

He blushed and gave me a little nod. He made his fingers into a little heart and I did the same. The principal gestured for us three to come out from the back room and stand in front of the countless students in the bleachers. The second we walked out, the room erupted into discussion about my hair. I smiled. I actually didn't care. I was fine with it. I had Deku's approval and that was all I wanted. They could laugh and point all they wanted, it was worth it to see my boy smile.

The principal started off. "Students, I have gathered you all here this morning so that we may all learn and grow from troubling incidents on our campus. As many of you know, this semester, the sophomore class has unfortunately struggled with bullying, harassment, and violence. This school does not stand for such behavior and we expect better from every one of our students. For that reason, I have asked three of our sophomore students who are personally familiar with these issues to speak to the shortcomings in our student body and the appropriate solutions. Please listen respectfully. Comments and concerns will be discussed after the students have had a chance to speak." He announced before gesturing for Monoma to come to the microphone.

I watched the blonde's expression. There was no shame, no embarrassment, no sincerity, nothing. He was like a robot, performing a task for a reward. "Fellow students, my name is Neito Monoma of class 2A. I would like to apologize for propagating rumors about my fellow classmates." He took a long bow. "I recently transferred from class 1B to 2A and I found that I didn't understand the humor of my older peers and I struggled to acclimate to the culture of my new class. I misunderstood jokes and when I joked, it was often misunderstood too, leading to some misunderstandings. I'm sincerely sorry to all those who were offended by these misunderstandings, it was never my intention to offend anyone. I hope that you can all forgive me so that, from here on out, we can get along as peers and enjoy a comfortable classroom atmosphere." He turned to me and smiled sweetly. My jaw clenched and my stomach churned.

He turned back to the audience, wearing his deceivingly innocent smile. "There's never a good reason to spread rumors. You should all respect your classmates, even when they live lifestyles that are different from yours or make choices that you wouldn't have made. When I made derogatory comments about homosexual couples, it was because I didn't understand that lifestyle. I ask that our friends Katsuki and Izuku will be patient with all of us and will help us learn about homosexuality so that hurtful misunderstandings like this don't reoccur."

Everyone clapped for him. I couldn't believe this. He basically called everything a misunderstanding, outed Deku and I in front of the whole school, and insinuated that it was our fault for not explaining ourselves to everyone. That little prick was so good at playing the game. He knew how to manipulate people perfectly.

I went to the microphone next. After what Monoma had said, I was sure everyone was curious about Deku and I. I didn't want Deku to have to answer their prying eyes. I cleared my throat as I looked out at the countless faces. If Monoma could play the game, so could I. I could manipulate this crowd just as well as he could. "I sincerely hope that myself and all of you can come to forgive Neito for his truly offensive use of slurs and stereotypes." I put my hand over my heart, pretending to be touched. "I'm so thankful for his apology, I hope we can start on the road towards healing. I'm sure none of you are unaware of Neito's unfortunate misunderstandings so I'd like to start by dispelling some rumors about myself. Firstly, I am not a drug addict. I have never willingly purchased nor ingested nonprescription drugs. I have never been and will never be in a gang. I am, in no way, affiliated with the profession of prostitution, and I have never had any sexual contact on school grounds. I am mentally stable and I am not a dangerous person. I have been enrolled in multiple high schools but I was forced to leave those schools due to bullying-related violence. I sincerely hope that I do not have to face a situation like that again."

I turned my head and smiled at Monoma. I'm not sure but he seemed a little ticked off. "And lastly, there's one rumor that you've all heard that is true. I am dating Izuku Midoriya." I announced. Immediately, there was whispering in the crowd. The principal told them all to quiet down before nodding to me to continue. "I don't know what I can teach all of you about my life choices. We behave like any other couple and have the same interests so please just treat us like you would treat any other couple. I sincerely apologize for becoming offended by Neito's jokes. To help clear up these understandings, I ask everyone to please learn from Neito's mistakes. As he has learned, the words 'fag' and 'queer' are not appropriate in jokes. The terms 'gay' and 'queer' are both fine when spoken in serious and respectful situations."

Again, the crowd gasped and whispered. "Did Neito really use those words?" I heard someone whisper. My job was done. I bowed and stepped away from the microphone.

I gave Deku a little reassuring smile as I passed him. He approached the microphone. I could tell by his posture that this was brave Deku, the Deku who was passionate and blunt. He started off with a low, apologetic bow. "There is no place or time when violence in appropriate. Please forgive me."

He raised his head and spoke into the microphone. "It was wrong of me to use physical violence against Neito Monoma. When a classmate is offending you, it's best to honestly tell that person that how you feel and ask them to stop. I would never suggest using violence at school or anywhere else. I'm sorry to everyone who was frightened or felt unsafe because of my choices. In my case, I did confront Neito Monoma verbally at first but he continued to perpetuate harmful rumors about Katsuki and use slurs that I found offensive. In cases like this, I encourage all of you to confide in a teacher or parent. I let my anger get the best of me and resorted to violence. To ensure that something like this never happens again, please be respectful of each other's romantic relationships and avoid the use of slurs. Again, I'm sincerely sorry for my actions." He finished with another bow and came to stand my me. I could tell that he was proud of himself. I was proud of him too.

The principal took to the microphone and started mumbling on about how everyone should learn from us and how he expected better behavior from everyone. In the end, most students left realizing that Monoma wasn't a sweet or innocent person. We were dismissed and told to go back to class. As everyone exited out the gym doors, a little hand pulled my sleeve. I looked down to Deku who met my eyes, looked to the locker rooms, then back to me. 'He wants to go to the locker rooms? Why?'

Still, I gave him a little nod and went with him. We slipped into the locker room without anyone noticing. He led me by the arm to the section of the locker room with showers. "Take off your shirt. Quickly." He directed in a quiet voice.

My face flushed beet red. "Wh-what?" I stuttered. 'H-he wants to do something like that? Here? What's gotten into him!?' I wondered as he tried to unbutton my shirt.

"Come on, I don't want it to get wet." He said.

'Get it wet!? What the hell is he imagining?!' I pushed his hands away from my shirt buttons. "Hey! Qu-quit that…"

"Come on, it's not like I haven't seen you shirtless before. We can't take forever, they'll notice if we're too late to class."

"Deku! Hey!" I protested, but he kept trying to pull my jacket off. Finally, I took his wrists and forced them up beside his head. He looked at me with big eyes, blushing pink.

"Kacchan…? What are you doing? Are you… trying to flirt with me? Now?"

"What!? No, I'm trying to do the opposite! You're the one desperate to get me undressed!"

I watched as Deku silently processed what I was saying for a moment before the realization hit him. "Oh… Kacchan, I'm just trying to wash your hair. Didn't I say that?"

I let go of his wrists, looking away with my face tinted bright pink in embarrassment. 'Deku's a good boy, of course he wouldn't be trying to do something like that, you idiot.' I scolded internally. "No, you didn't."

"Oh…" He paused in silence before emitting a giggle. "Sorry… that must have been really weird, huh?"

A smile crept onto my face and I chuckled too. "Yeah…" I admitted with a nod.

"You're not even my boyfriend yet, don't get so big-headed." He teased.

"Yet?" I asked with a smirk.

"Get your shirt off, come on, we don't have time for you to stand around and ramble." He said, changing the subject and turning on a faucet. I could see that he was blushing.

This fancy school had removable shower heads and ever pressure gauges. I pulled off my jacket and shirt, setting them aside where they would stay dry. Deku gently but quickly rinsed my hair then dried it off. I quickly dressed and we left the locker room, my lightly tinted hair dripping onto my jacket.

When we arrived in class, we were met with everyone's quiet stares. Mr. Aizawa spoke up first. "You washed it out?" He asked. "Hm… too bad, I thought it was funny. Have a seat." With that, he picked up a stack of papers and started fingering through them. Everyone was shocked. Mr. Aizawa seemed like such a hard ass yet he thought my clear violation of school policy was funny? I had a strange feeling that Mr. Aizawa liked me but there was really no way to be sure.

Strangely enough, class proceeded like normal. When people started gossiping about the assembly, Mr. Aizawa shut them up with a glare. By the end of the day, it was forgotten. All the gossip now was about a senior girl who may or may not work at a hostess bar. Fuck if I cared, I was just glad that things were back to normal… kinda.

Deku and I walked back to my house. I couldn't remember the last time we'd done this. It felt so comfortable and fun. Mom and Dad were at work so we went up to my room and just relaxed as per usual. We hardly spoke at all, we didn't have to. There was so much talking and business at school, it was nice to just do nothing. Between Deku's ramblings, I caught him asking a question. "Kacchan… I was thinking about what you said at the assembly…" he muttered. "Why did you tell me that you hadn't seen the video?"

I was quiet for a while. I had used too many details in my speech, I had clearly seen the video. "I didn't think you wanted me to see it." I finally said, my voice soft.

"Kacchan… were you always like this? Did you always think of me this much? You pretended to not see the video so I could save my first 'I love you'. You colored your hair like a madman so people wouldn't stare at me. Even now, you're sitting on the floor in your own room so I can be more comfortable." He laid on his belly on the bed and lazily played with my hair.

I wanted to spend every day of my life with him like this. "I dunno…" I replied. "Nothing has ever really mattered as much as you so… yeah…" My cheeks were warm.

"You're right… I really hoped you hadn't seen it… you deserve to hear something like that in a special way."

"Something like what?" I asked, feigning ignorance again.

He chuckled softly. "Thanks~"

I smiled back. I loved Deku.

Things were fairly normal the next day at school. At least, they were better than I had expected. Before the assembly, we had just been two guys who walked together a lot but now, we were the most famous couple on campus. People noticed when we walked by. They looked but not much else. No one said anything, no one gave us any trouble. I don't think anybody really knew how to react yet. In class, Kirishima approached me before first period while Deku was gone to the bathroom. "Hey dude." He greeted with a big smile, sitting backwards on a chair.

"Hey." I returned in a flat voice.

"So you and Midoriya are an item now?" He asked.

I shrugged. "Guess so."

"Cool, cool." He said. I could tell he wanted to ask me more about it but didn't know how. I sensed the questions sitting on the tip of his tongue. 'So you're gay now? Since when? How come I didn't know? Since when do you like Midoriya? You guys are polar opposites. Do you guys kiss? Do your parents know? Is it serious?'

He was too uncomfortable to ask those questions and I was too uncomfortable to answer them. "Thanks for sending me that video." I said.

"Yeah, of course. If I'm being honest… I was really surprised by what Midoriya said… I didn't know it was that serious."

I nodded. "It surprised me too." I admitted. I didn't know that he was as crazy dedicated to me as I was to him.

"You guys seem good together though. If anyone gives you shit, send 'em my way, okay?"

I scoffed in amusement. "Will do, Captain Crocs."

"They're comfortable and practical." He defended.

"Nah, man, they look good on you. You pull off foam flippers well." I teased.

"Whatever. That fact that you found even one person in this whole nation who puts up with your shitty attitude amazes me. Good for you." He joked, both of us chuckling as he returned to his seat. I looked around the room. Monoma wasn't at school today, thankfully. I met eyes with a girl in my class. I think her name was Momo. Apparently, making eye contact prompted her to get up from her desk and come talk to me.

"Hey, Bakugo-san." She greeted. I nodded back. "I'm Momo, president of the yearbook club. After hearing you at the assembly yesterday, I was thinking that it would be great to give you and Midoriya a feature in the yearbook."

I knitted by eyebrows together. "Us? Why?"

"We always have a page about school sweethearts and we've never had a queer couple like you guys before so I was just thinking that it would be cool if people could see a relationship like that in the yearbook."

I rolled my eyes. Was I a celebrity now? I hated it. "Thanks but no thanks." I grumbled, opening my notebook to randomly flipping to a page to show her that I wasn't interested. The last thing I wanted was to be paraded around like a circus animal to be admired and scorned. I didn't want attention, I didn't want to be the kind of gay person who marches in parades and acts flamboyantly to make a statement. I just wanted to be a regular guy in high school.

"I don't mean to be pushy… but you should consider other students who might have those same preferences but are too afraid to come out. Most students here have never seen an openly gay couple in real life. I don't think you can underestimate the impact that your openness can have in this school and this nation."

I rubbed my temples, annoyed. I didn't want to be an influencer. I didn't care if there was a gay revolution in Japan or whatever. "Look… you probably have these just and noble intentions and all but… I don't really think this will go as well as you want. Parents will call the school, lawyers will get involved, yearbook club will be disbanded. And you're not the only one who would take heat for this. Izuku and I will have to deal with the backlash too. We're happy to just be forgotten so, again, thanks but no thanks."

Deku walked into the room, smiling cutely as he approached my desk. "Hey Momo-chan~" He greeted. "What are you guys talking about?"

She immediately explained her proposal to him, hoping he would be more willing than I. His expression fell as he listened. By the end, he wore a polite but uncomfortable smile. He was a much nicer person than me and new how to handle the situation more delicately. "You're such a considerate person, Momo-chan. I'm so glad I get to be in class with someone like you. The fact that you consider these things makes me really happy that you're president of our yearbook club… but… please understand that Katsuki and I are kind of uncomfortable with that idea. Let's talk about this again next year, okay?"

She couldn't argue with his impenetrable niceness. She said she understood and went back to her desk. Deku sat down. "People are talking about us." He whispered to me. "Even in the bathroom…"

"Ignore them." I said, flipping through my notebook.

"I'm trying but… It's kind of embarrassing."

I thought about that for a minute. "If you want… I can tell them that we broke up." I offered. I didn't like that solution but it would save him from all the attention.

He shook his head. "No. People will forget, new gossip will come around, and everything will go back to normal eventually." He promised. He looked around to make sure Monoma wasn't around before continuing in a hushed voice. "My…my germ thing is directly tied to anxiety," he touched the tips of two fingers together to demonstrate their connectedness, "so when I'm more anxious… it's worse. Can you… can you just stay close by? I think it's getting bad again."

I met his eyes and nodded. When I glanced at his hands, I saw that they were ashy and red. Did he make them that way by washing them too hard? Is that why he was in the bathroom? "If it's really bad and you need to leave… just… tap your foot." I said.

He nodded. Class began. I couldn't help but constantly glance at Deku throughout the lesson. I was on edge, nervous about his nervousness. He seemed uncomfortable, twitching a little now and then, but overall, he kept it together.

Shit fell apart when, by the end of the class, someone in the back of the classroom began coughing. First, I noticed his muscles stiffen. He became smaller as if there were a jaguar prowling around the room. Next, his twitches came more frequently and I saw that his face looked pained. Was he trying to hold his breath?

The coughing continued along with hoarse throat clearing. Each twitch seizure became more noticeable until people started to wonder about it. I looked down at his foot just as it began to tap against the floor. Without thinking, I jolted out of my seat, drawing everyone's attention. I had acted without thinking and now I was put in the predicament of having everyone's attention but nothing to say. I wracked my brain for a moment before stammering out an excuse. "I… I need to go to the nurse."

Mr. Aizawa seemed completely unamused by my disruption. "Pray tell, Mr. Bakugo, what for?"

"I'm going to throw up." I said. The people around me leaned away cautiously.

Mr. Aizawa sighed in annoyance. "Fine, go. Stay behind after class too. I want to talk to you."

"I don't know where the nurse's office is." I said. "This is my first semester here."

He seemed really peeved with me. "Midoriya, go with him." He demanded.

Deku nodded and got out of his desk. We left the classroom. Once we got out into the hall, the greenette finally started taking deeper breaths. "Idiot. You need to breath." I scolded.

He nodded, embarrassed. "I'm sorry that I'm like this…" He said.

Guilt set in. "Don't be sorry. I'm sorry, alright? You're not an idiot…" I was, as they say, 'whipped'. Around Deku, I was as gentle as a kitten.

"You've never seen me have a full panic attack before, Kacchan… I'm scared of what you'll think, I never want you to see that."

"Stop that." I said.

"I'm really messed up… You just don't see that yet… When you do, you'll hate me." He started to twitch again.

"Deku. Stop." I said sternly. "Don't tell me how I feel. I like you now and I'll like you then too, alright? You could punch me in the face and I'd still like you. Stop stressing yourself out. Out of everyone in the world… I'll always be on your side."

He stopped walking. I looked at him and noticed that we were at the boy's restroom. He wouldn't meet my eyes, he was ashamed. I hated that he was so miserable. I didn't know what I could do to make it better. "Do you need to go in there?" I asked quietly. He nodded. "Okay… let's go."

"I want you to stay out here." He said. "The coughing… I can still feel it on me. I need to wash up but… I don't want you to see that…"

"Deku…" I gently touched his arm but that seemed to make things worse so I pulled back, giving a little nod.

He went into the bathroom. It took him twenty minutes to be satisfied with the cleaning. He wouldn't meet my eyes when he came out of the bathroom. He knew I was looking at his red skin, his wet collar, the scratches on his neck and hands. I couldn't help but wonder if it really got worse than this. 'If this is just a bad day… then what's a panic attack? I thought I knew Deku but there's still more that I have to learn.'

I felt helpless and pathetic. Everyday, I busted my ass to protect him but it still wasn't enough. There was something I couldn't fix, an enemy I couldn't overwhelm. He needed help, he needed a way out but I couldn't give it to him. I had no choice but to watch him suffer.

My heart ached. "Are you okay?" I whispered, my voice only a breath.

"I'm sorry…" He responded.

No… I couldn't let him stay like this. I couldn't let him wallow in self-hatred. I couldn't let him return to class only to do this again and again. "Deku, I'm going to take you home." I promised.

He looked up to me with his big, teary, doe eyes. "What?"

"Your room is your safe place, right? So if I take you there, everything will be better?"

He considered it. "We can't just leave school… we'll get in trouble."

"You won't get in trouble, I'll take care of it." I promised.

He bit his bottom lip, holding back tears. "Then… please… I want to go home."

I led us to the nurses' office and told her the same lie, saying that I had the stomach flu and needed to go home. I said that I had given it to Deku too.

Deku actually looked sick. He looked like he could worry himself to death and that red flesh indicated a high fever. She called Aizawa and had him excused for the rest of the day. As for me, she didn't quite believe it. I told Deku to go wait at the school gates for me. The trusting boy did as I asked.

When I was alone with the nurse, I pleaded with her, telling her that I was nauseous and feverish. My selling point was going into the nurse's bathroom, sticking a finger down my throat, and gagging into her toilet. My mouth was bitter and my throat burned but it was okay because she finally subsided and had me excused too.

I met Deku in front of the school, wearing a reassuring smile. "She let you go?" He asked, surprised.

I nodded. "I'm pretty good at faking illnesses, just ask my mom." I didn't want him to know what I had done, he wouldn't have approved.

"Does your mom like me?" He asked as we began to walk.

"Yeah."

"Are you just saying that?"

"No, she likes you." I promised. "Dad does too."

"Really? My dad told me that he likes you too. He doesn't usually ask me if I'm dating or like anyone or anything but after you left my house on Monday, he asked me if I wanted to date you. I told him yes and he said that wasn't a bad idea. That's the most supportive he's ever been of a crush."

I blushed a little. "That's good, I guess." I said.

"Mom likes you too."

"Bullshit. Every time she sees me, I've just gotten you in trouble."

"If you don't believe me, you could just ask her yourself."

I rolled my eyes. "As if. That's so embarrassing."

Deku laughed. It seemed like he was calming down pretty well. "I wish it were Saturday already, school is just dragging on this week, right?"

"Yeah, me too." I could've stopped right there in the street and asked him to be my boyfriend. He would have said yes. But Deku deserved better. He deserved a relationship like those in romance mangas. He deserved heart-felt confessions, gifts of flowers, special anniversaries. He deserved those magical, tingly feelings. Even though I was kind of a loser, I could still give him that.

I dropped him off at his house then walked myself home and started planning our aquarium date. I bought the tickets online and memorized the map so I would know where to go. I found out what food options were around there and located all the bathrooms in the aquarium so that, if Deku got anxious, there was somewhere for him to go. It seemed like everything was going to go perfectly. Little did I know, there was one thing I couldn't plan for. One thing that would mess up everything.


	13. Jellyfish

Friday? Who cares about Friday. I was just waiting for Saturday. Aquarium day. You're my boyfriend, I'm your boyfriend day. Officially mine day. Happy, cute, smiling Deku day. Everything will be perfect day.

I hardly remember Friday. Deku took medication before coming to school that day. His reaction time was slower and he was a little sleepy all day but at least he avoided panic attacks. I had a chat with Mr. Aizawa. He basically just told me not to make a scene in class. There were classes, then lunch, then more classes. Deku and I hung out at my place. He'd just gotten the new Pokémon for switch so we started playing it together. He let me name our starter so it was named Destroyatron. Deku couldn't stop laughing his cute, joyful, rich laugh.

I couldn't sleep Friday night, I think I only shut my eyes for three or four hours then woke up feeling like I'd just downed five shots of espresso. I spent way longer than usual choosing my outfit. I wanted to be so handsome that Deku wouldn't even consider saying no. In the end, I decided on a button-up over my only pair of jeans without rips and a black leather jacket that I'd snatched from the school's lost and found. I'll admit, I looked pretty okay.

Before leaving, I printed out our pre-paid tickets and shoved a handful of individually packaged hand sanitizing wipes into my jacket pocket. Nothing could go wrong, I'd thought of everything. I said bye to my parents and excitedly left the house. There was a churning in my stomach the whole time I walked to the subway platform. It was happiness and fear and excitement and nervousness and butterflies. A whole fuck ton of butterflies.

When I arrived at the metro station, I found Deku sitting on a bench at our platform, his attention consumed by a brochure for the aquarium. He read it over with deep interest. I couldn't help but smile in his presence.

I quietly walked around the back of him and sat behind him on the bench. I leaned back, my back resting against his. He was surprised for only a moment before turning around and finding my smirking face. He smiled back, practically glowing. "Kacchan~" He greeted in a sweet voice.

"Hey, Nerd. You ready?" I greeted back.

He thought about it for a while. "Hmm… this is a date, right?"

I blushed. "Yeah."

"Then… will you hold my hand?"

My blush deepened. "S-sure."

"Then I'm ready to go." He said, turning up the palm of his left hand invitingly. I got up and walked around before taking the lithe hand in mine. I looked him over. He wore a pastel yellow hoodie over rolled up jeans. I smiled imagining him standing in front of his mirror, trying on different things and checking himself out in all angles. He looked cute as hell. With my free hand, I made my fingers into a little heart. He giggled and did the same.

How could this go wrong? I never could have imagined that something so perfect could take such a horrible turn.

We stood together at the platform, waiting for the metro, with our fingers locked together. Some people looked, some whispered, I hardly noticed. What I did notice was how Deku's freckles made his cheeks look like robin's eggs, how my heart was beating wildly in my chest, how he kept sneaking glances at me with his glittering emerald eyes.

He clutched my jacket on the subway ride so he wouldn't have to hold the rails. The subway was an inherently dirty place and I noticed that, after a few minutes, he started clenching and releasing his fists softly, a sign of building anxiety. I dug an alcohol wipe out of my pocket and held it out as an offering.

He looked at it, surprised. "Was that in your pocket?" He asked, accepting it. I nodded as he ripped open the package and started to clean his hands. "You brought it for me?" I nodded again. He blushed and smiled, looking down to hide his flushed face. He was so beautiful. I couldn't wait to ask him my question. I couldn't wait to take him camping someday and map the constellations with him. I couldn't wait to buy him a big knit sweater for Christmas. I couldn't wait for forever to come.

We arrived at the aquarium and I impressed him with my prepared tickets. As soon as we walked in, he was amazed by the replica blue whale hanging from the ceiling. He rambled on about how big it was and how amazing the sea is. It made me laugh to watch him act like an excited child. I wanted to keep him like that forever. Naive and happy. We can't always get what we want, though.

"Where should we go first?" I asked him after he had calmed down some.

"I really want to see the jellyfish." He said, taking my hand.

"Not until the end."

"Huh? Why?"

"It's the special exhibit, right? We should save the best for last. Besides, the website said this is the busiest time of the day so you'd be seeing more backs than jellyfish."

"Wow, you read the website?" He giggled, impressed.

I shrugged. "It's not like I can't read."

He showed me the little finger heart. I rolled my eyes with a smile and made the same symbol.

Deku looked around. He pointed to a hallway. "I think we should go that way." He said. I knew from memory that we would see manta rays, clown fish, cardinal fish, and every colorful swimmer in the ocean. I let him lead the way.

Every new fluorescent color amazed Deku. He studied each fish's stripes and spots with content while rambling each swimmer's scientific name, natural habitat, migration pattern, and interesting facts. "How do you know all this?" I asked. "Are you super into fish or something?"

"Or something~" He replied. "I just think they're neat. We had a fish tank in our house when I was younger, a big long one with eels and angel fish and tangs. Did you ever have fish, Kacchan?"

"Just a few snails. I picked them off the peer and had a little tank."

He gave me a beaming smile. "I wish I had known you as a kid~" He said before turning his attention back to the sunfish. My face was pink.

The hall we were in led around eventually to the interactive starfish tank. Little kids happily felt around in the water, touching all the plants and feeling the roughness of the starfish. Deku happily gazed in alongside them. I stood at his side, gazing down at the tub. "Don't you want to play with them too?" I asked.

He seemed like he wanted to say yes. I could tell by the way he watched the kids that he wanted to do that too but still, he shook his head. "I-I'm okay…"

"Tell me what's really going on." I said, nudging him gently with my elbow.

"I don't want to freak out here."

"You're not going to freak out." I promised. "You're not stressed right now, are you?" I asked. He shook his head. "You're not stressed, I have alcohol wipes in my pocket, and there's a bathroom just a little ways up on the left." I reached in and picked up a big red starfish. The underside of its legs tickled my hand. "And besides, this one doesn't have any germs."

He chuckled and eyed the animal with both hesitation and desire. He slowly reached out and stoked its back a few times. I watched as his nervousness slowly melted away. "Can you imagine living in Australia and being able to see things like this every day?"

I could see in his eyes there was some sincerity in that dream. "Yeah, that would be cool. I bet there are a lot of marine biologist jobs out there."

He looked up into my eyes, surprised. "How did you know about that?"

"About what?"

"That's been my dream since I was six." He said.

"It seemed like it would suit you."

"Kacchan… do you really think that?"

I nodded. "Yeah…"

He took the starfish from my hand and put it back on a rock gently. "It's just… I dunno, it's just an idea…" When he turned around, I had an alcohol wipe ready. He started cleaning his hands.

"It's a good idea." I said.

"Kacchan… I don't want to go to Australia if you're going to be here…" He admitted, looking away with embarrassment.

I thought about that for a while. "Well… Australia seems nice. No tsunami…"

He looked up to me, eyes wide. "Would you really consider going with me?"

I quirked up the side of my mouth in a little smile. "Yeah…"

He was blushing again. "Are you real, Kacchan? Like… maybe I died a few months back and now I'm living out some weird purgatory fantasy… or there's a lab somewhere testing out a new AI program on me. Do you have a social security number?"

"Wh-what? Of course I do, you weirdo." I answered.

"I don't believe you. There's not real people like you."

"Oh my God, shut up." I diverted my gaze, my face beet red. I couldn't take it when he said such cute things.

Deku chuckled a little bit. "Come on, let's go. They have a manatee here." He pulled my sleeve.

I followed him. We sat in an observatory room with one giant glass wall and watched a blobby sea cow have a leisurely swim around his tank. Deku leaned against me as we watched it do its thing. I thought about the Australia discussion. 'When I considered going with him to Australia, it seemed like an easy decision… I haven't even known him that long. Don't people usually struggle with this for a long time? In movies, I see couples who break up over this. Is it normal that I'm so in love with him so quickly? Is it weird that this is such an easy decision?' I wondered. It felt so easy, so second nature to stay with him no matter what.

After the manatee, we went to the freshwater exhibit where we saw beta, guppies, and angelfish. Deku was absolutely in love with the goldfish. He couldn't stop laughing about their puffy hairdos. God, he was adorable. We saw a pair of dolphins, a tank of eels, we touched some squid, and we took a selfie with a grown man in a plush penguin costume. I hated taking photos of my self and I did not particularly like mascots either but Deku wanted to so of course, I told him it was a good idea. He fawned over the picture directly afterwards, saying he wanted to print it out for his wall. He was ridiculously embarrassing.

Finally, it came time to visit the jellyfish. The daily dolphin show had just begun so we had the whole exhibit to ourselves. The ceiling lights provided only as much illumination as necessary. All the light in the room came from the tanks. "Wow…" Deku whispered in amazement.

Some looked like wispy little doilies while others boasted bold colors and wore long lacy tails. Some glowed under blacklight while others sparkled naturally. Deku took my hand as he walked around the room slowly, inspecting each and every jellyfish closely. When we had been to every tank, he turned around and smiled at me with effervescent joy in his eyes. "Kacchan… this is so amazing! Thank you so much for bringing me here."

Slowly, in the lowlight, I grasped his chin and brought it into mine. I united our lips and instantly, his fell in time with mine. We had learned how to kiss each other, we were perfectly in sync now. I broke the soft kiss to look into those amazing eyes. He watched me expectantly with pure adoration. "Deku, be my boyfriend." I whispered.

He chuckled softly. "My answer was yes long before I ever met you." His time, he pushed onto his toes to reach my lips and brought us into another kiss. My arms wrapped around him to support him. I wanted this forever. I wanted _him_ forever. I thought nothing could ever ruin this. Nothing could even come close.

We left the exhibit and walked back out into the well-lit aquarium, Deku clinging to my arm affectionately. I was leading him to the giftshop so I could give him something to commemorate this date. It was super cheesy but I thought Deku would like a cheesy gesture. He stopped while we were walking, still smiling as he noticed a maintenance man just a few yards ahead of us, sweeping up spilled popcorn. "Hey, Kacchan! That's my da-" He excitedly said, stopping mid vowel as if someone had pressed pause on him. His smile remained a moment but quickly lost sincerity.

"Hm?" I glanced from Deku to the maintenance worker. For a moment, I was hit with a kind of déjà vu. I felt like I knew him. But from where? I concentrated on his face, trying to figure out if I actually knew him. I quickly realized that I didn't… but I knew his son.

Like Deku, I was frozen for a moment. 'Is that his dad!? It must be, the resemblance is uncanny… Oh shit… oh shit, holy shit! Holy mother fucking shit, this isn't a drill. This is actually happening. Deku knew… shit, he knows. He said that was his dad. Fuck'n shit. Is he remembering?' I quickly looked to Deku.

He had let go of my arm and was just staring ahead blankly now at the man who hadn't noticed us. Slowly, his trembling lips began to move. "Th-that… that's my dad…" He said unbelievingly. "That's my dad…"

"Deku, let's go." I decided, taking his hand and trying to turn around.

He ripped his hand out of mine and looked to me with teary eyes that read terror, confusion, and pain. "That's my dad…" He repeated, trying to make sense of that statement.

'No… Why is this happening? Why now of all times?' I wondered. 'What the hell do I do? I'm not prepared. What do I do?' I tried the same tactic again, hopeless and clueless. "Deku, we should go. Let's go somewhere else." I suggested.

"Kacchan!" His voice was loud and abrasive now. "That man… you see the worker there? With the broom? That man is my dad… He's my dad, Kacchan… Do you understand? Because… I don't!"

He looked over to us, alerted by the noise. Deku met eyes with him and his brows narrowed dangerously. He approached he man with forceful body language. I had to jog to keep up with the boy. "Hey you!" He addressed harshly. The man immediately recognized Deku. I saw pure fear come over him. 'Deku's dad… I mean, his other dad, said he had beaten the shit out of this guy. By the way he's acting, I guess he wasn't exaggerating,' I thought. Before, when I had heard of this man, I wanted to kill him. Now that we were face to face, I couldn't give two shits about him. I only cared about Deku.

"Hey! You're my dad!" The boy asserted. I tried to pull him back by his arm but he was steadfast and shook me off. I called his name but he was deaf to me.

"Um… sorry, I think you have the wrong person." The man quickly dismissed.

"No, I don't!" He argued with absolute certainty. "Because I remember! I remember you! I know I do! I remember… oh…" More memories started filling in. His bravery immediately turned to complete horror. He must have remembered how he got those scars.

"I remember you…" He whimpered, all the vigor in his voice dissipated. "You hurt me… didn't you? You hurt me… many times…"

The man looked around, panicked. "I'm sorry! Go. Just go, you're making a scene. Go, please."

"You hit me! You hit Mama too!" He cried as if it were happening right in front of his eyes. To him, it was. "You hit my mama! A-and you made her fall down!" Tears were streaming down his face uncontrollably.

I didn't know what to do but I knew I had to do something immediately. It was my job to take care of Deku, I had to do something. People were looking, they were coming over to us. I launched into action, not sure what I was doing. I grabbed the man by his shirt and with incredible force, pushed him into the nearest bathroom and shut the door with him inside. For some reason, I thought that if he were out of sight, the memories wouldn't be so vivid.

Deku was trembling like a leaf when I got back to him. "He hit Mama…" He muttered.

"Let's go home." I said, taking him by the shoulders.

He let out a blood-curdling scream. "Don't touch me!" He shrieked in terror, breaking out of my hold.

I was scared. I didn't know what was happening much less what I could do about it. I could do nothing. A security guard was quick to approach us. "What's going on here!?" He asked.

"Don't touch him." I ordered protectively. The only thing I knew for certain was that Deku couldn't be touched right now.

"What's wrong with him? Should I call the police? An ambulance?" He asked, watching the hyperventilating boy. An audience had formed.

"No! I'll take him home." I said before turning around and scowling at the on lookers. "Mind your own business! Get out of here! Go!" I barked viciously. They dispersed quickly. I heard the guard calling the police on his pocket radio.

'Shit. We have to get out of here. The police being here is only going to freak Deku out more. How? I can't touch him. I'm his boyfriend, I have to fix this. I have to do something. Why can't I do anything? Why am I so pathetic right now?' I wondered. I decided to talk. It was the only thing I could do.

"Deku… Deku, listen to my voice. It's me, Kacchan." I said. There were tears in my own eyes just as a result of the panic of the situation. "Deku, stop thinking. Whatever you're thinking about, stop and give all your attention to me. Hear me. Look at me, see my eyes."

Just barely, I noticed his breathing growing a bit calmer. 'Is this working? This is working… this is working!' I kept my voice calm. "It's me, your Kacchan. You trust me, right? Then just do what I tell you. I can lead you out of this. I can help. Just listen to me and only me. Whatever you're imagining, whatever pictures are in your head, turn your eyes away from them and put your eyes on me."

Slowly, his trembling irises floated over to me. I smiled at him. "There you are. Good. Good, good job. Listen to me, look at me. It's okay. I'm here. You know me. You trust me. You're safe. You're safe, I'll never let anything happen to you, Deku. No one will come within five feet of you while I'm around, okay? I promise. No one will touch you, Deku, I wouldn't let them."

His breathing slowed more as he nodded, his eyes still terrified. I kept smiling at him. "I have a job for you." I said, using a trick my mom used on me when I was a kid and had temper tantrums. It always brought me back out of my head and into reality. I had him list five things he could see around us. He was slow to find five things but I was patient with him. Next, I had him name four things he could hear, then three things he could feel. Then two things he could smell and one thing he could taste. His answer to the last one was vomit. He had regained himself to a functional extent.

"Do you feel sick, Honey?" I asked lovingly. "Okay, let's go home. Do you want to go home now?"

He nodded, coving his mouth. I quickly grabbed a plastic trash bin and rushed it over to him but he didn't quite make it and he lost his stomach on my sleeve. "Good job." I said, quickly turning around and taking off my jacket to he wouldn't notice that he had missed.

He was crying as he wiped his mouth. "I'm going to take you home now." I told him.

He nodded and held out his hand. I smiled gently and took his hand. It was hard for him to move his feet at first but soon enough, muscle memory kicked in and he was able to walk at my side. We left the aquarium before even one police car had arrived. On the subway platform, in the subway car, he could only look at me to keep him calm. He never for a second let go of me. I whispered reassurances and praises to him. I could tell that he was barely managing to keep it together but, nonetheless, he managed.

When I got him to his front door, I prepared to part ways like usual but he didn't let go of me. His fists were locked onto my shirt tightly in a grip that only death could break. "Hey Deku…" I put my hands over his softly. "It's okay, Kiddo. You can let go now, you're home, you're safe." I said.

He shook his head, no words.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" I asked.

A nod.

"Okay. Okay, I will." I found his house key in his pants pocket. He definitely did not like my hand in his pocket but he tolerated it, trusting me. I got the front door open and let us in. No one else was home. "What do you need, Deku. Just tell me and I'll make it happen."

"Shower." He responded. His voice was lower than a whisper, just a breath.

"Okay, show me where that is." He led me upstairs. Even at the bathroom door, his grip was iron. "I can't go in there with you." I told him. He stood there and looked at me pleadingly as if he was about to lose it again. After a minute, I relented and nodded. "Okay… Okay, Deku."

We went into the bathroom and closed the door. I sat him on the toilet and touched his hand. "You need to let go now. I'm not going to leave, I'll stay right here. We'll stay together just like you want but you need to let go so I can help you."

He shook his head in refusal.

"Do you want that shower, Deku?"

He nodded.

"Then you have to undress and you can't do it when you're holding onto me. Trust me, okay? It's going to be okay."

Ever so slowly, he forced the muscles in his hand to loosen. He let go and began crying again.

"I'm here. I'm right here, Deku, it's okay." I promised. It took forty-five minutes to get him undressed but I was patient, letting him take his time. I started the shower. He didn't want to go in because he wouldn't be able to see me behind the curtain but I promised to continue to speak to him.

I sat beside the shower and talked to him through the curtain, telling him everything I knew about Australia. He interrupted me after about fifteen minutes. "Kacchan…" He whispered. I fell silent. "I… I think I need help now…"

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I got carried away… I think I went too far…" He said. Those words prompted me to immediately open the curtain. Deku was holding his pedi brush. One side was a rough-bristled brush and the other was a sandpaper like material for sanding away callouses on the bottom of your feet. I could see from his skin that he had been using the sand paper side on his body. "I was trying to get clean… and I started thinking about th-that man… and I felt dirty and I just wanted to be clean…" He tried to explain.

Impulse drove me into that shower, my clothes and shoes still on, to pull the pedi brush out of his hand and embrace him tight. I don't know what I was doing, I didn't know if it was right or wrong, I just followed my instincts.

After a moment of being in my arms, the real crying broke free. He sobbed loudly like a child, hugging onto me tight. He was past the panic now and was left to realize the misery. In minutes, I was drenched all the way through to my boxers but I didn't dare move to turn off the faucet. Deku needed me, he needed all of me.

I stood there with him for probably over an hour, slowly rubbing his back until he had physically exhausted himself. I felt his legs loose strength and eventually go limp. I held him up. It was probably a good thing that he fainted. He needed a break from his own head.

I picked him up, holding his wet, naked, body in a fetal position against my chest as I brought him into what I assume was his bedroom. He had a full-size bed so I laid him down on one side, dried him off, covered his irritated skin with lotion I found in the bathroom, then put underwear on him before moving him onto the dry side of the bed.

I sat right beside the bed so he wouldn't have to wake up alone. I was drawn away from his side when I heard the front door open and close. I quickly rushed down stairs. Mrs. Midoriya was shocked to say the least when she saw me in her house, my clothes wet and cold. "K-katsuki-kun!" She said. "What on Earth are you doing here? Where's Deku?"

I hushed her. "He's upstairs." I told her in a quiet voice before explaining what happened at the aquarium. She gasped and listened to my story with terror. When I was done, she nodded in understanding.

"Katsuki…" There were tears in her eyes. "Thank you, Katsuki…"

I looked away, ashamed by my weakness. Why was she thanking me? I did little more than nothing. I couldn't stop it from happening, I couldn't keep him from hurting himself. "Please tell me what to do." I requested.

"I don't know either." She admitted. "He needs to go back to his therapist, he may need to take some time off school."

My heart wretched. I just made him my boyfriend and now he was being taken away from me. Why was the world so cruel? Why had that man hurt Deku in the first place? Why couldn't I fix this for him? "I need to go back upstairs. If he wakes up and I'm not there… he won't like that." I said.

"Change first, Dear." She insisted. "I can give you something to wear.

I shook my head. "I really need to be with him now." I said, heading up the stairs before she could protest.

He had many nightmares. He would start crying and whimpering, sometimes twitching in his sleep and sometimes jolting awake with a scream. Each time, I calmed him down patiently. Mrs. Midoriya did everything she could too. She called my mom, she made me dinner, brought me dry clothes, cleaned Deku's bathroom, and washed my jacket.

He woke up fully after several hours. He sat up and just stared at the wall in silence. I watched him, waiting to see if he was going to cry or have another flashback.

The life was drained from his eyes. Utter hopelessness enveloped the boy as he came to realize how small he was in this volatile world. He understood now what he had forgotten. "Kacchan…" He finally spoke. "Did you know? About my dad, I mean."

"I knew a little bit." I told him honestly.

"Do you know what he did to me?"

"All I know it that he's the one who gave you those scars."

"He… He hurt me in multiple ways, Kacchan… The scars aren't all…"

I wanted to vomit. I didn't know exactly was he was insinuating but every assumption filled me with dread and hatred. "Deku… I'm sorry…"

"You're sorry? Why?" He asked. The emotion in his voice was unreadable. He numbly covered everything. "I'm the one who's sorry… so, incredibly, indescribably sorry. I made a promise that I can't keep."

"What are you talking about?"

"I… I said I would be your boyfriend but I'm realizing now that that's impossible…"

The only thought in my mind was 'no'. Deku was all I had ever wanted, my future, my happiness. My heart felt as if acid had been dumped on it.

Deku continued. "I can't be anyone's boyfriend, much less yours. You're so good, Kacchan. You're unending kindness and unparalleled compassion. Someone like me can't have someone like you."

"Stop…" I whimpered, begging him to take everything back.

"I know you loved Deku… but he's gone now and I can't bring him back… I can't be happy anymore… I can't be sweet and innocent. I can't even call myself a virgin anymore…" A few tears ran down his emotionless face. "So I won't waste your time anymore. Thank you for everything…"

I was reduced to a weeping mess. "Please…" I begged. "Deku… no… please…"

"Please stop." He said. His voice was soft but empty.

"We can leave. I'll take you to Australia. You'll never see anyone from here ever again. We can just watch the fish all day and have fun on the beach. We'll forget everything. We can pack up and go now. Please, Deku." These were empty promises, I couldn't afford any of this, but I was desperate.

"Bakugo-san, stop." He said coldly, denying me even my affectionate nickname. If his intention was to hurt me, then he had succeeded a hundred times over.

Trembling, I rose to my feet. "It's okay…" My words could hardly be distinguished through my shaky voice. "It's okay, Deku… I'll be back tomorrow when you feel better."

"The door will be locked." Was all he said.

I left his house in a state of disbelief and utter despair. I'm not even sure how I made it home. My mom was in the living room folding laundry when I walked in. She knew immediately that something was horribly wrong. "Katsuki?" She asked, setting down the pair of pants in her hands.

I collapsed into her arms, sobbing like a child. I tried to tell her what had happened but I couldn't speak. She held me tenderly and waited through it all. When I had cried as much as I could, she sat me down at the dining room table and made me tea. I slowly told her everything.

She held my head and kissed my forehead a few times. "You really love him, don't you?" She asked.

I nodded.

She took a deep breath. "Imagine how much he must love you if he's willing to give you up for your own good."

I considered it. I thought back to when I spoke with Todoroki in the hall and how, even though he made good points, I refused to give up my boy. I couldn't be that selfless. I couldn't let go of what I wanted so badly… but Deku could. He was willing to choose a life of desolation for himself so that I could have better. "He loves me…"

"More than you can imagine, Honey. Humans across the globe hardly ever see love like this in their lifetimes. What you have with Deku is bigger than you can comprehend."

"So now that I've lost him, I'll never be anything but miserable. Is that what you're saying?" I asked.

"What I'm saying is that your love is bigger than this. Show him that. Even if the door is locked, go every day and wait for it to open. If it's raining, go. If it's hailing, go. If there's a guard dog outside, go. You can't lose this, Kacchan, so show him that you don't intend to. Eventually, that door will open."

A few tears fell into my mug. "I can't lose this… I won't." I decided. Hadn't I said just the other day that I could do anything for Deku? I could… I could and I would.


	14. Snow

I stared at my phone screen, writing, erasing, editing, and rewriting the same text over an over again. Finally, I had it written out the best I could and I gathered my courage to send it.

Bakugo: Hey, Deku 😊 I'll be over tomorrow around noon. If you're feeling up to it, let's play some Pokémon.

It wasn't pushy, just clear and suggestive. I needed to get him back. The only reason that I had my shit together was because I was clinging desperately onto the hope that things between Deku and I were not over. This was just a lull in the relationship, a hardship, an unfortunate intermission. We would get back together soon and it would be like this never happened.

"It'll be like it never happened." I said to the little bunny figurine on my desk. Looking at it made me think of our first "date", if that's what it was. We walked around the little boutique stores and saw a movie. Everything was so easy then. Deku didn't know about the horrible shadow following him. The tears began to fall again as I smiled at the bunny. "It's going to be okay, Deku… The bad thing already happened, right? So it can only get better from here."

When I closed my eyes to sleep, all I could see was that man and my boy screaming. I saw him in the shower with his skin rubbed raw. I saw his emotionless face telling me to leave. I couldn't… he may have been strong enough to let go but I wasn't. I was selfish, I refused to let go, no matter what. Yes, he'd probably be better with Todoroki, he'd be better with someone who didn't fight so much, who liked the same cheesy shit as him, but I wanted him and for that reason, I'd do anything to keep him with me instead.

Deku was selfless, he always put himself last. That's why he made this decision, that's why he sent me away. He would gladly suffer if it meant someone else would benefit. 'Is he alone, right now?' I wondered, laying in bed and staring out the window. 'Is he scared? What about those nightmares? Who's keeping them away? Did he hurt himself again? Who's bandaging him up? Who's telling him that everything's okay?'

Eventually, sleep forced its way in. In the morning, I looked at universities in Australia and the sort of programs they offered. It helped me not freak out to keep reassuring myself that everything would go back to normal. I needed to make future plans. I needed to solidify the fact that I was going to stay with Deku. I didn't know what was happening or what to do but I knew my end goal.

A bit before noon, I headed over to Deku's house. I rang the doorbell once then waited a few minutes without response. I rung it again. After another minute of two of waiting, Mrs. Midoriya came to the door. She smiled apologetically at me. "Hi, Katsuki-kun. How are you?"

"I'm good, Mrs. Midoriya." I said with a casual nod. "Is Deku feeling well enough to hang out?"

She looked so sorry. Had he told her to reject me? He couldn't even do it himself? What about yesterday's kiss? Wasn't that as incredible for him as it was for me? Was it really so easy for him to ignore that? To ignore me? It felt like my heart had been speared. "Katsuki-kun… I'm sorry, he's just not feeling well today." She said.

I nodded. "It's okay, Mrs. Midoriya… I understand…"

"Did something happen between you two? Deku told me you can't come over anymore…"

I shook my head, refusing to acknowledge that he had actually broken up with me. "No, Ma'am… he's just going through some hard stuff… I'll wait a little while if you don't mind. He might change him mind."

"Oh… Okay, come in, I'll made you some tea-"

"Thank you but… I'll wait for Deku to invite me in."

"I think you'll be waiting a long time."

"I know."

"We're supposed to get some rain this afternoon."

I looked up to the heavy, dark clouds. "I hope so, it's been getting a little dry recently."

She sensed my obvious denial, my forced optimism, by willful ignorance. She knew what game I was playing. "I can't stop you from standing out here, I guess. Do you have your phone on you?" She asked. I nodded and pulled it out of my jacket pocket. She tapped some keys and then handed it back. "I put my husband's number in there. Maybe you should call him if you have some free time. He's pretty reserved about romantic stuff but you'd be surprised how wise he actually is about love."

He didn't really strike me as the love guru type but I thanked her anyways. She went back inside and I sat down on the sidewalk, my back against Deku's house. I wanted him to open the door. I'd look up at him and smile then stand up go in with him. That didn't happen. Even when it began to rain, even an hour after the rain had begun. The door stayed closed. I only left when I felt the uncontrollable urge to cry. I had to do that in my own room, in private. God, I had turned into such a crybaby. I just cried all the time now. It was Deku's fault, I was so angry with him.

I raced home and shut myself in my room. I needed to throw shit. I started with softer things like my pillows and dirty clothes. 'Do you hate me, Deku!?' I wondered, grunting as I chucked my pillow against the wall. I picked it up and abused it again. 'After everything I've done for you! Everything we've been through! How could you treat me like this!?' I pulled the shoes off my feet and threw them too. 'I gave you my first kiss! My first relationship! I did everything I possibly could, Deku, so what more do you want!? What else could I have done!? I said I'd move to fuck'n Australia with you!'

I went to my bookshelf and pulled down my trophies that I had won for soccer in elementary school. With tears in my eyes, I broke them apart. "Are you really doing this out of love? Because this doesn't feel like love." I asked aloud. "Why can't you come to me when you're hurting? Why is this the best option, Deku? You don't think I can handle it? You don't think I can take care of you?"

I looked down to my feet and at the trophy pieces scattered on the ground. I had been so proud of those… I had looked at them when I wanted to remind myself that I'm not useless and that I can accomplish something. Why did I do that to them? Was I really losing my shit?

I leaned up my room, hiding the broken trophies in a box under my bed. I said on the floor and called Mr. Midoriya. I really needed someone to tell me what the fuck was going on. It rang a few times before he picked up.

"Hello? May I ask who's calling?" He answered in English. I barely understood what he was saying.

"Hey… Um, It's me, Katsuki Bakugo. I'm sorry for calling out of the blue." I said, drying my eyes with the back of my sleeve.

"Oh!" He switched to Japanese. "Kacchan. No worries, I'm not doing anything at the moment. So why the call? Is something going on?"

"You must have already heard some of it. Deku saw his dad at the aquarium the other day."

"Ah… yes, Inko told me about that. How is he doing?"

"He's… I mean… I hardly know… I got him home from the aquarium and he passed out. When he woke up, he pretty much kicked me out of his life and I haven't seen him since."

"What did he say that gave you the impression that he doesn't want you in his life?"

"Everything." I responded with frustration. "He said he didn't want to see me anymore."

"Is that actually what he said?" The man interrogated.

"Well… no. He said that my Deku was gone and he couldn't be happy ever again so he didn't want to waste my time anymore."

"I see… I'm not saying you're wrong Kacchan, I don't think that at all. I think this is a very difficult situation for everyone involved. I just think that, if you want to know how Izuku really feels, you need to take everything he said to you and turn it around. When he said he didn't want to waste your time anymore, he was saying 'I'm a waste of time'. Do you see? Izuku is struggling with his identity right now."

"Wh…what am I supposed to do about that?" When I turned his words backwards, they showed a whole different perspective.

"Show him how to see himself through your eyes."

"M-Mr. Midoriya, I'm not a therapist!" I protested, feeling weak and useless. "I can't do that!"

"Love has made more of a difference in this world than therapists have." He replied calmly. "You love him, right? If you don't, then you really should just forget him."

"No. I love him." I responded immediately and earnestly. It was the first time those words had left my mouth. My breath hitched in my throat. I did. I loved him.

"Put your pride and frigidness aside, Kacchan. He has to know how you feel about him and how you see him. Right now, he can only see himself as that man did."

"He won't even let me near him. He doesn't respond to my texts. I waited outside his house today but he wouldn't let me in."

"Why do you think he won't talk to you or look at you?"

"How the hell should I know?"

"You're not that stupid, Kacchan. Think about it."

I huffed and thought. I tried to put myself in his shoes. Whenever I was looking into Deku's eyes, I lost my better judgement and my heart came out without restrictions. "Maybe… he can't act so tough when we're face to face so that's why he can't see me. There's too much temptation to be honest. He's made such a rigid divide between us because… because he'd change his mind immediately if he didn't."

"I think that's probably true… If you spoke to him face to face, I think it would be much harder for him to push you away."

"So I have to get to him somehow…"

"Hold on, it's not something you can solve with brute force. You have to meet him where he's at. He's going through a lot. You said you went to the house today? Good, keep doing that. Show him that you haven't forgotten him and won't move on. Don't make yourself a burden though. Don't sit there shivering in the cold and soaked in the rain. You'll only make him feel worse. Come prepared."

"Okay… but what if he never opens the door?"

"He will."

"Are you sure."

"Yes. And while you're waiting for that, keep yourself busy. It's not good to harp on the past. Forgive him, forgive that man, and forgive yourself. You should take up a hobby."

"A hobby? Like what?"

"Well, winter is just around the corner. How about knitting?"

"Are you… I mean, is that a joke?" I asked, amazed by his response.

"Before you say anything about how it's a granny hobby, you should know that I have been knitting for years." He said. I couldn't imagine the huge, muscular, American sitting down with some knitting needles and making himself a sweater. It seemed too ridiculous to be true. He spoke again. "And you know… Izuku loves handmade gifts so It's not a bad hobby to start. You could have your first sweater ready in time for Christmas."

That made me want to consider his suggestion seriously. That was actually a great idea, he loved cheesy handmade stuff. "Okay. Well… uh, thanks for everything."

"It's not problem. His mother and I are keeping a close eye and bringing him to therapy. He'll be safe."

"Thank you."

"Take care now."

"Yeah, thanks. Bye."

I hung up the phone. Mrs. Midoriya was right, he was a love guru. I felt a little more stable. I opened my texting app and send Deku another message.

Bakugo: Sorry that you weren't feeling well today, I'll see you tomorrow at school. Take care.

No response as usual. I picked myself up off the ground and decided to find a distraction like Mr. Midoriya suggested. I walked to the nearest craft store and bought a set of knitting needles along with a spool of pastel yellow yarn, the same color Deku wore on our date. It suited him.

In my room, I yelled curses at a YouTube video as I tried to replicate the task that was done so easily by the old woman in the tutorial. By the end of the day, I had wasted a whole spool of yarn and all I had to show for it was a braided chord. I packed away the knitting things with a sigh. I could try again tomorrow. For now, all I wanted was to go to sleep thinking about Deku in a huge, poorly made knit sweater.

He wasn't at school the next day. I waited for him at the front gate but he never showed up. In class, his seat remained empty. No one responded to his name when it was called during role. I kept checking my phone for a message from him throughout the day. Nothing. During lunch, I sent another text. Our text conversation was tuning into a long assembly blue bubbles without corresponding white ones.

Bakugo: I'll be by after school with your work from today and a copy of Iida's notes.

The message was ignored for the rest of the school day. As promised, I brought a stack of papers to his house. Mrs. Midoriya wasn't home so a housecleaner took them from me instead. Again, I sat down right outside the door and waited. He never came down.

I can't say that it didn't affect me. Each time he ignored me, it was like an arrow to the heart. I felt hurt, betrayed, angry, and desperate. To deal with these feeling, I felt straight from his house to the craft store and got a few more spools of yarn. I knitted the hell out of my feelings, burying them under every stitch.

It actually worked. I was so focused on the task that it was harder to think of other things. Once I got going, the work became so monotonous that my brain completely tuned out. By the end of the night, I had a few 10-inch rows constructed. I experimentally wrapped it around my wrist. 'If I keep going for two feet or so, this could be a sleeve…' I considered. 'Shit… how do you make a sweater in the first place? And how big should I make it? Deku is smaller than me so I can't measure on myself.' I tried imagining him in front of me but an imaginary model is no good. I'd have to somehow get a sweater of his for reference.

Tuesday morning, I waited for him again at the front gate. He didn't come to school. All day long I found myself glancing at his seat expecting him to be there. It was empty.

During third period, an annoying voice spoke up from behind me. "It seems like Izuku is avoiding someone, don't you think?"

"He's sick." I growled, turning back to scowl at the blonde. "I thought you were going to start minding your own business."

He chuckled. "Are you going to tell on me to the principal? Come on, Kacchan, stop being such a child. Wait, child isn't one of your no-no terms, is it?" He asked sarcastically.

"You want a free for all? Okay, say whatever you want, I'll listen to it but you have to be willing to take a beating without crying to mommy and daddy either. Your nose still looks a little purple from that time Midoriya kicked your ass."

He was still pissed about it. I could tell because his cool complexion melted away into annoyance and anger. "You just try, Katsuki. Next time, I won't be empty-handed."

"Only a weak man brings a gun to a fistfight but if that's how you want to play it, I'm not scared."

Uraraka, who sat nearby, chimed in. "Should you guys really be talking like that?" She interjected.

"It's just a saying." I dismissed even though there was a very literal threat of weapons.

"Yeah, but-"

"Butt out, Pudgy." Monoma growled with a deathly glare.

She seemed completely shocked by his demand. Was Monoma coming undone? Before, he would have never said anything like that. He used to be so careful, he worded his insults cleverly so that they offended people but he couldn't be blamed. This was too blunt… he was becoming careless and more dangerous.

Uraraka, not knowing how to respond to such a blatant insult, turned away. I didn't blame her, even I was caught off guard. "You should be careful of what you say, Monoma. If you keep talking like that, you won't be able to trick anyone into thinking you're a poor, misunderstood, little kid." I said.

He flipped like a coin from rage to ecstatic laughter. There was something hazardously broken about him. "What gave you the impression that I care what these idiots think about me? As long as I graduate at the top of my class, you could all just die and it wouldn't affect me one way or the other." He laughed but he seemed completely serious.

Normally, our chats were just aggressive back and forths. Sometimes, they resulted in some routine bullying but this was different. I truly feared Monoma. There was something off about him now. Maybe Deku's beating had really flipped a switch in him. I was glad Deku wasn't at school today. In fact… I didn't feel comfortable with him in the same town as Monoma. I had no doubt that Monoma could access weapons and had a grudge against both of us.

I nodded and turned away from Monoma. My hands were shaking and I had to sit on them. After class, while the rest of class went to lunch, I stayed afterwards to mention to Aizawa about what Monoma had said. I thought he'd say something like, "keep that stupid gossip to yourself" but he actually took my concerns seriously and said he'd talk to the school counselor about it. Nonetheless, I was scared.

I thought about it as I walked from school to Deku's house. 'If Monomo instigated violence… I wonder how Deku would react. He's a brave boy but now he has trauma. He was hurt before. Maybe he'd take out his rage against that man on Monoma… maybe he would go too far. Or maybe he'd revert to childhood and be completely helpless.' I wasn't sure.

Mrs. Midoriya was home when I arrived. She took the papers and agreed to get me a jacket from Deku's closet without telling him why. "My husband's going to get back into town on Thursday," She informed me as she handed over the article of clothing. I held it delicately. "Maybe he could take you out for dinner. I know he enjoys talking to you and at a time like this, we all need to work together."

I blushed a little. Was I officially a member of the team? They considered me one of them, part of the family? I nodded. "Yeah, that would be cool. Thanks."

"Are you going to wait out here a while today?" She asked.

I nodded, carefully putting the sweater into my backpack.

"Can I get you a water bottle or anything?"

"No thank you, Ma'am. I already have one."

"Okay, well, take care Katsuki-kun." She began to close the door but halted when I spoke up.

"Before you go… um… how is Deku today?"

She gave me a pained smile. "He's doing okay. He went to his first therapy session yesterday. Today… he doesn't really want to leave bed much. He misses you."

"Did he say that?"

"He doesn't have to. He thinks I don't know but he keeps that shirt you gave him under his sheets with him."

I blushed. To be honest, I was probably going to do the same thing with his jacket just to feel some closeness with him. "Thank you for taking good care of him."

"Of course." She said before going in. I waited two hours but nothing. I wondered how long this rejection would continue to destroy me. The pain never got better and I didn't get used to it. Each time was a fresh wound.

When I got back home, I went straight to knitting to distract me from all those painful feelings. It worked for a while but Mom eventually forced me to come downstairs and eat. Eating wasn't high on my priorities. I was usually so hungry but now, I didn't even notice when eight hours went by without a bit of food.

I didn't make a lot of progress on my project that day because I kept glancing aside and seeing his sweater. I tried to avoid the temptation but after long enough, I couldn't restrain myself. I held it and breathed in his scent. It was a bad idea, my emotions got too big for me again. I had never been so emotional about anything before. I'd been bullied in many schools, I'd lost friends, I'd fallen off my bike a few times too but none of these things brought pain comparable to this. I used to be a brick wall. I never cried, I covered all my emotions with anger. This was so different; my heart was dying and I didn't know how to handle it.

I put a bag of frozen peas over my eyes before going to bed so I wouldn't wake up wearing my vulnerability. Even though I waited at the gate, I knew the whole time that he wasn't coming. Monoma was called to the counselor's office during second period. He returned with an unreadable expression. He had probably played the counselor like a fiddle. He was an expert at this game.

The day was completely dull and boring without Deku. I wasn't woken up from my mechanic numbness until lunch. I was alone on the rooftop having my lunch as usual. Suddenly, I heard the door to the roof squeak. There was a brief and intense joy in my heart, assuming it way my boy, but my heart quickly sunk again when I saw that it was just Candy Cane.

He approached me with anger and violence. I quickly rose to my feet, prepared to take him on. Unfortunately, he was a bit taller than me, more muscular, and full of passion. He grabbed my shirt and smashed me against the air conditioner unit with a thud. "What did you do to Midoriya!?" He asked, his eyes aflame.

I fought against him and eventually shoved him off. "Nothing! Jesus!"

"He hasn't been to school in three days! Are you really going to tell me it's just a coincidence!?"

"He's sick!" I said, repeating the same story I'd told everyone.

"Bullshit! Bull-fuck'n-shit!" He tried to throw a fist at me but I caught it. "What did you do to him!?"

"Nothing!" I insisted.

"Then you should have! If something happened to him because of your negligence, then it's still your fault! Did you leave him out in the rain? Did you let Monoma intimidate him? What was it!?"

I let go of his hand. He was right, I didn't do anything. I was weak and useless. "…Hit me…" I mumbled after a heavy silence.

"Wha-?" Todoroki asked, confused by my request.

"You're right! I didn't do anything! I couldn't stop it, I couldn't make it better, It's my fault! Hit me!" I wanted the pain. I wanted to feel some sort of punishment to validate all my guilt. I was a bad boyfriend, I wanted the world to recognize that too so it wouldn't be stuck inside my head anymore.

I got what I wanted. His fist rammed into my stomach, causing me to fold and hold in vomit. He kept asking what had happened but I refused to tell him. I didn't want anyone to know. This was Deku's demon and no one else had a right to it. Besides, I couldn't let those rumors spread. I hated to imagine how people would look at him.

He continued to ask and I remained silent, fueling his anger. He held my back with one hand and buried his fist in my stomach three more times. I still wouldn't tell him so he punched me hard in the face, sending me toppling to the concrete. "You know…" He said, panting. "After that stunt with your hair, I thought that maybe… just maybe you were a half decent guy. Turns out you're still the worthless sack of shit I always thought you were. Listen to what I'm telling you. Midoriya will fall out of love with you and you better believe I'm not going to hesitate to take him from you. Then I'll treat him how he deserves to be treated and he'll finally realize how worthless you really are."

He left, going back down into the school as if nothing had happened. I sat on the floor, holding my stomach and taking shaky breaths. The physical pain was a welcome distraction from the pain of his words. They echoed in my head. 'How worthless you really are…'.

I found myself chuckling. I don't know what I found so funny… maybe my own patheticness. Maybe the fact that I let one little green-haired boy turn me into this mess. I leaned back and hit the back of my head against the air conditioning system a few times. Who was I anymore? How much longer did I have to wait? Everyday, I lost more of myself. Everyday became more unbearable.

When asked about the cut on my cheek in class, I lied and said I'd biffed it on the stairs. I told Mrs. Midoriya the same story when I dropped off Deku's homework. She thanked me for the papers. "How is he today?" I asked.

"He… He had another therapy session today. He's pushing everyone away, he won't even let me in his room. He won't talk, he hardly eats… today is a hard day." She explained.

I nodded. I wished I could do something for him, I wished I could see him. We exchanged our goodbyes and I settled in on their doorstep. An hour into my waiting, a police car slowly pulled up to the Midoriya household. When it stopped and the officer began walking to the door, I began to panic. 'Did something happen to Deku!? Why is he here?' I wondered.

He didn't go in, though. He approached me. "Sir, I've received a complaint from a resident at this address. It seems you're making people uncomfortable."

My heart sank. Had Deku really called the police on me? Was he that determined to get rid of me? I couldn't speak at all, I felt as if my lungs were filling with fluid.

Mrs. Midoriya noticed the police car in front of her house and stepped outside with me immediately. "Wh-What is going on here!?" She asked.

"Ma'am, I received a call from a resident in this building asking me to evacuate trespassers." He explained. She reacted with the same expression of shock and sadness.

"Th-That must be a mistake…" She knew it wasn't but it was so hard to believe that Deku would actually go this far. He loved me… so how could he be so cruel?

The officer checked a little note pad. "It's no mistake. The call came from within this building. Regardless, once the complaint is made, I have to take action. Sir, you're going to have to leave the premises." He told me.

I regained my weak throat. "H-how far do I have to go?" I asked.

"Well, the law requires at least twenty feet from the building after the first complaint."

"So… If I stood across the street, that would be fine?" I asked.

He nodded. "That's public property so… yes. If the resident instituted a restraining order against you, though, that would change based on the level of the order."

I nodded. I couldn't believe that Deku would ever go that far. He was just trying to scare me. He was trying his hardest to get rid of me. He couldn't even stand me on his doorstep which meant… he probably felt too tempted to open the door. He wanted to let me in so badly that he had to bring in a physical intermediary. I smiled a little bit and nodded. "Okay. I'll keep my distance." I told the officer before he left.

Mrs. Midoriya looked at me, worried. "Katsuki-kun, I'm so sorry… I don't know what got into him."

I forced the smile to stay. "It's okay… I can wait across the street too. He can't push me away." I said. I found a public bench right across the street from his front door. I pulled out my phone and sent him a text.

Bakugo: The sun is out today so make sure to open your blinds at some point.

His room was on the other side of the house and I couldn't see his window. I didn't care if he saw me or not, I sincerely wanted him to enjoy some sunshine. As usual, he didn't respond but I could bear the weight of his rejection because I knew that his will was breaking down. My empty hope was finally finding some fulfillment.

At home, I worked on my knitting project and finished what I intended to be a sleeve to the sweater. Mom worried about my swollen cheek, she didn't believe my story about the stairs but eventually gave up asking. Although I hated to admit this to myself, I didn't hate Todoroki. He respected Deku's decisions and had the strength to defend him. I would never hand Deku over but if I died, the fact that Todoroki was there for Deku gave me a little solace.

Thursday, the same routine. He wasn't at school. People came up to me and asked about him but I didn't have answers. Uraraka had bought a card and had everyone in class sign it. At the end of the day, she gave it to me to pass along to Deku. As I walked off of school grounds, I noticed a nice red sports car pulled up out front of school. 'What's with that?' I thought. 'Some rich twerp wants to show off their birthday present to everyone? That's so annoying.'

As I walked past, I watched a towering man get out of it and stand beside it on the street as if it were a clown car. "Kacchan!" He called, wearing a dazzling smile as always.

Students who were leaving to go home stopped and gawked at the man then looked to the student he was talking to, me. 'Does Katsuki know that guy?' Someone whispered. 'He must… he called him Kacchan.' Someone replied. I blushed in embarrassment. He couldn't help but attract attention but why did he have to bring me into it?

I approached him quickly, hoping to get this situation resolved quickly. "H-Hey Mr. Midoriya." I greeted quietly.

"Hungry?" He asked. "I know we had planned dinner but I remember Izuku telling me that you're always hungry so you don't mind getting something to eat now, right?"

My blush worsened. Did Deku really talk about me that much? It was an embarrassing and cute thought. "I could eat." I replied with a nod.

We both got into his unnecessarily luxurious sports car and started driving. With the money he probably spent on this, he could have bought a house or two. I couldn't imagine having such expendable wealth. "When did you get into town?" I asked.

"This morning."

"Did you have a good flight?" I asked, feeling obliged to make polite conversation.

"It was fine. You want to know if I've seen Izuku today though, don't you?"

I nodded. He saw right through me.

"I don't think he can keep up with this embargo much longer." He explained. "He comes out of his room a few times a day to check the window in my study."

"For what?"

"I think you mean 'for who'?" He corrected.

'He looks for me? He waits for me to visit… he wants to be with me in some way, even if it's not face-to-face.' I realized. That whole time, I thought he was ignoring me. I thought he sat cooped up in his room, hiding under his blanket. But all along, he was spending those hours with me.

Mr. Midoriya spoke again. "It's supposed to snow tomorrow so dress warm." He advised. He glanced at my backpack. "Your keychain… what is that?"

I looked at it too. "Umm, I'm not really sure. I found it in a park when Deku and I went to that local festival a while back. I think it's supposed to be an octopus or something."

"Give it to me." He said bluntly, holding out his hand.

"Huh? What for?" Was he going to throw it out the window or something? I liked it, it reminded me of that night.

"I know that, when I first met you, I said I wasn't going to get involved in any romantic things but… I think it's best when Deku's with you. I don't worry as much about him and he seems happier. Give me the keychain and I'll pass it along to him. I think he just needs a little push."

I undid the little metal latch as fast as I could and dropped it into his massive hand. He chuckled and put it in his pocket. "You know… I worried about Izuku when he said he wanted to date boys. Boys are mean and I knew his options were much more limited. I was afraid he'd settle for someone who was only interested in bedroom things or someone who pushed him in ways that made him uncomfortable. Deku isn't like those activists you see on TV, he wants a quiet, undisturbed, life. I didn't know if he'd ever find someone… I don't worry about that anymore."

My heart was beating in my throat. "T-thanks." I mumbled.

"If you don't mind my prying, when did you know that… you know… you like guys?"

My face went cherry red. Why was he asking me about this? He was my boyfriend's dad, wasn't this a little too intimate? I cleared my throat uncomfortably. "Well… uh… a little later in life." I said.

"Really? Don't people usually figure that stuff out when they're little? The first time I met Izuku when he was just six, I read him a fairytale and at the end, he told me that he wanted to meet a prince too. Inko told me it started even younger than that which is one of the reasons there was so much family tension. We've always known his preferences."

"Yeah…" I didn't really know how to explain myself. "I've heard stories like that before. It seems like most people get some warning. For me, I was kind of blind sighted."

"What do you mean?"

It was so hard to talk about this, especially with him but he was going out of his way to help him and I had to show him respect by telling the truth. "Deku was kind of… um… my first crush." I admitted.

"So… you didn't know that about yourself until you met Izuku?"

I shook my head.

"Wow… so you've really been through a lot just to be with my son…" He noted.

"I guess. He put up with a lot from me too."

"I understand you. Both the Midoriyas are compassionate and selfless people. Inko certainly made me fight to be with her, it'll probably be the same fore you. After all, the treasure doesn't do the hunting, that's on you."

I nodded. We went to a ramen bar. I was kind of surprised by the cheap choice. I thought for sure someone with his money would want to go to a French bistro with only three things on the menu. "You don't mind this, right?" He asked as we sat at the wooden bar.

"No, I like this place." I said.

"Me too. You miss the little things when you're away from home."

"Where are you from?" I asked. I had always assumed he was American.

"Detroit." He answered. "But home is where the heart is, right? My folks are passed and my friends back in the states have their own families now so this is my home. I have a wife and a son, I have neighbors, I have friends." He was interrupted when the man working the counter asked him to order. He got two large bowls with all the toppings and two beers.

He was so cool. He was successful and he knew everything about love. "Mr. Midoriya…" I said, earnest with admiration, "teach me how to be a man." I requested.

"Huh?" He asked, opening the beers and handing me one. I accepted it, sipping to be polite. "You're only sixteen, don't you think you're getting a little serious for a kid?"

I shook my head. He humored me and for a few hours, he gave me his best advice. He told be to be strong but also wise about my strength. He told be to considerate and compassionate with my significant other and to always take the side of justice except when my significant other was on a side. "Always side with your partner." He said. "You're supposed to always be on their side. A problem isn't me versus you, it's both of us versus the problem. Do you understand?"

I did. After we ate, we drove back to the Midoriya house. Mr. Midoriya brought in the letter from the class, Deku's homework, and the little keychain. I waited outside a while, watching the house from across the street. Sometimes, I would just barely notice the blinds from a room upstairs tremble. Was that him? Was he up there somewhere? Peeking out at me? I smiled.

That night wasn't the night. I went back home empty-handed again but I felt okay anyways. Maybe it was just the little bit of alcohol in my system or maybe it was all the promises that Deku would come back to me soon. I began knitting the other sleeve and went to bed.

As predicted, I woke up Friday morning to snow. I let it pile up on my shoes for a while as I waited at the school's front gate. Deku didn't show up so I went to class. I heard people whispering behind back before class started. For some reason, I kept hearing the name "Hachiko" repeated. 'Isn't that the name of that dog statue?' I wondered. I turned around to the girls behind me with a hard expression, making them a little nervous. "What are you guys talking about?" I asked.

"Oh… It's nothing, Katsuki." One girl said. Her friend added, "We'll keep the volume down, sorry."

Kirishima spoke up from his desk. "Hachiko." He said bluntly. "That's what people are calling you now. You know the story of that dog that kept waiting for his owner at the train station even after the owner died? When you stand out at the gate waiting for Midoriya like that, you remind them of Hachiko."

I blushed. I didn't think other people would pay so much mind but, of course, this was high school. The girls seemed annoyed with Kirishima but I gave him a little nod of thanks. I liked to at least know what was being said about me, even if I didn't like the gossip itself.

Now that I knew, no one bothered to lower their voices. People actually addressed me as Hachiko although my cold glare quickly corrected them. Did I really look that pathetic? I had to be more careful of my image.

It was midterm time so a paper was printed and pasted in the classroom that announced the ranking of each student. I was in much the same place as before but Deku had fallen from third place to tenth because his absence. I didn't realize how competitive the top ten was. Missing one assignment could bump you down a few notches. I vowed to do anything I could to help him get back to his previous ranking once he returned to school. His grades were important to him and would help him get into the marine biology program of his choosing.

At the end of the day, I took Iida's notes to get copies made, collected his assignments from Aizawa, and headed to his place. The snow had made everything peaceful and clean. White powder coated the world and crisp, cold, air refreshed my lungs. Mrs. Midoriya accepted the papers at the door. "How is he?" I asked.

"His door isn't locked anymore, that's good. He had to get a little haircut this morning but I'll let him tell you about that when you next see him." She said.

"Oh… Okay." My heart sank. I loved Deku's hair. It was so cute and soft.

"Are you going to wait? Even with the weather like this?" She asked.

I nodded. "It's okay, I have my jacket and everything." I pointed out.

"Okay, Dear. Stay warm."

"I will." With that, I crossed the street and went to my usual bench. After an hour and a half, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I pulled it out and found a message from Deku.

Midoriya: Go home.

I smiled. His walls were crumbling, he couldn't stop himself from reaching out to me.

Bakugo: I will if you tell me to.

Midoriya: I just did.

Bakugo: face to face or nothing.

Midoriya: You're annoying me. Just go, I'm not going to change my mind.

Bakugo: I don't mind waiting, I have nowhere else to go.

There was no response from him. I let two more hours slip by. I couldn't leave, I knew his defenses were coming down. I had to wait. I had to be patient and let him come to me when he was ready. The sun began to go down, dimming the white world. Finally, the door opened slowly and he appeared, wearing a thick bathrobe and snow boots. My heart raced. It was happening, this was it.

I want to run to him or shout but I stayed where I was and let him slowly approach me. I noticed before he reached me that the underside of his head and been buzzed, leaving a tuft of wild hair on top. It didn't look bad, we was still as cute as ever.

He wouldn't look at me, he glanced aside as he spoke. "It's been a week; can't you get it through your thick skull? We broke up. Leave me alone." He said. There was no malice beneath his voice. He was trying to be strong and completely failing. I just stood before him, my hands in my pockets. "Didn't you say you'd go if I told you to?" He reminded.

"I said face to face. Right now, all I can see is your dandruff." I joked.

He defensively covered the top of his head. The robe opened to reveal that he was wearing my shirt over captain America pajama bottoms. I chuckled. "Which of us hasn't moved on?"

"Shut up!" He barked, closing the robe again.

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you want me to go home. I will. But I'll be back tomorrow. Deku… I'm going to keep coming every day."

"Don't call me that…" He whispered. I could sense his walls crumbling.

I thought about what Mr. Midoriya said. I had to be vulnerable, I had to be willing to speak my mind clearly and say things that embarrassed me. "But this is the name I gave you… only for you…"

"Well take it back!" He argued. "Take it all back! Everything! It never happened!" He dug into his robe pocket and drew out the little keychain, holding it out to me.

I looked from the little charm to the public garbage basket on the other side of the bench. "It's yours so… if you don't want it, you should just put it in the trash." I said, testing him. His weary eyes glanced to the trash. His hand started trembling but he couldn't do it. I took it from his palm.

"Sorry, you probably don't want to get close to that. I'll throw it out for you." I said. I took a few steps to the trash. He said nothing. I poised my hand over the trash. Finally, he broke.

"Don't!" He cried. I looked back to him to find that his teary eyes were fixed on me. Finally, he met my gaze as tears spilled down his cheeks. "Don't throw it away… I want it back…" he whimpered.

I smiled softly and returned the trinket to his hand. He gripped it tight with a shaking fist. "I didn't want to throw it away either." I told him. Silence fell upon us as the calm snow fluttered down. He cried quietly, holding the trinket against his heart.

After minutes, he spoke. "Why, Kacchan?" He asked. "Why do you keep coming back? Why do you insist on me? Can't you see that I'm a mess? Don't you realize that there are better people out there?"

"Because I love you." I responded, my words drenched in heart-felt sincerity. I felt so stupid for not letting him hear them earlier.

His sparkling emerald irises lifted to mine, trying to find the dishonesty in my face but there was none. I repeated myself to make sure he heard clearly. "I love you, Deku. I always will."

His eyes sank down to his feet. The tears plopped into the snow, wounding the perfect white sheet. "Is it bad for me want to accept your love… even if I believe it's misplaced?"

"It's not bad because you're not bad, Deku. You're so incredibly, irrevocably, good. What happened to you before… That's bad. The fact that you, an amazing flower, managed to grow out of such rotten soil just proves how good you are."

"Do you really believe that? Do you believe I'm good?"

"You're absolutely the best." I affirmed with complete certainty.

Suddenly, his little body was thrown against me and his arms tightly embraced me. I didn't hesitate a moment to hold him back. Finally. The world was right again because, finally, my boy was back in my arms. He sobbed, saying, "I love you" over and over again in a weak, watery, voice. Each time those words hit my ears, the open wounds on my heart began to heal.

I held him. I didn't care how long, I didn't care how loud he cried. He was in my arms and that's all that mattered. I would gladly stay right there, just like that, forever.


End file.
